How do I say goodbye?

I know I haven’t fully filled you in on the background story as yet and I promise I will go back and literally tell you everything but I have a hectic weekend ahead of me and I need to talk about that right now.

MR BIG BLUE is off to India on Monday. This is his last weekend in the city. I probably get to see him one more time before he leaves. I am anxious about it. It feels like it’s one last opportunity to leave a lasting impression on him before he goes.

I hope so ...
I hope so …

I don’t want to use this time to confront him about the divorcee or tell him that he broke my heart. I don’t want to yell at him, embarrass him or make a scene. I know he gets anxiety when he travels and I don’t want to make things worse for him. I don’t want him to leave with a bad impression of me.

He came to see me at work on Wednesday. He needed to pick up some stuff from me. That’s the real reason why he came, I know it. But we were civilised. We talked about his trip. We talked about me moving into my own house (something I always thought we’d do together). I asked him whether he needed me to take him to the airport, he said no he was sorted (I guess the Divorcee will be doing that job). So I just told him to be safe, keep in touch and let me know if he needed absolutely anything. He hugged me and hugged me and hugged me and he didn’t let go. I could tell he was sad. I was too. I tried to hold things together but its hard around him because he has already seen me cry so many times. I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me back. I think he meant it, I certainly did. I kissed MR BIG BLUE on his forehead (he always did that to me because he said it would make me feel safe) and then I said goodbye. Well, I said we would probably see each other again on Sunday before he left, but that probably the last time we’d be probably be alone together.

So Sunday is fast approaching. I don’t know in what circumstances we will say goodbye. All I know is that I told him that I have a care package for him to take with. I’ve got some of his favourite things, some photos and bits and pieces to remind him of home. As much as I have made him out to be the devil. He is not. This is a huge step for him and deep down I am proud of him. I want him to know that. I want him to feel loved. Even though he has isolated himself from lots of people who care about him. I need him to know that I am there for him no matter what. That whether we end up together or not I will always be grateful he came into my life and I will always be there to pick up the pieces. I am going to try my best to hold it together and say goodbye like a lady. Because as MR BIG BLUE’S mother once told me if you love somebody you let them go and know that if it is meant to be they’ll come back to you. I really hope he does come back to me in any which way and in any capacity, as long as he is safe I can rest easy.

So my dear readers…what do you have to say? Do you think I am approaching the situation correctly? Have you ever had to say a hard goodbye? How did you handle it? Please do share you experiences in the comments below.

Thank you for all your support. It really means the world to me right now.

Till next time me sugar plum fairies,

LOVE Cinders x o x o


5 thoughts on “How do I say goodbye?

  1. Let him go and always take the high road. Don’t cause a scene. Don’t make him feel bad. If you love him, then your actions need to reflect that, not in a needy way, but in a “I’ve heard what you said you need, and I’m letting you have it” kind of way. Men need safety and appreciation in their relationships. Keep that in mind.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Wilma.

      Thanks for reading and your comment. You’ll be proud to know I did do that. The final goodbye was quick. I wanted to say more. I gave him a few little things to keep him going on his trip and to let him know that I cared. I wrote him a note telling him subtly that I am here for him no matter what. He gave me his car to use for the next couple of months, as I don’t have one of my own. We had a quick hug and that was it. There were no tears and that was good. I will miss him but I know this is what he has to do right now, so I won’t stand in the way.

      Please keep reading and commenting. I really appreciate your words of advice.

      Cinders x o x o

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m glad to hear that the goodbye passed without incident. Ehen rmptions are tunning high it’s so easy for people to say and do things they end up regretting. It sounds like you did the best thing you could given the citcumstances.


      • Yep although it wasn’t the scene from a Hollywood movie. I can live with things this way. I know it could have been worse. Thanks again for keeping up with my story.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Sounds like my ex and I right after she broke up with me. I thought what let go and we don’t get back together? I got my answer. If you don’t get back with Mr Big Blue it is because it time to pay the way for your one and only. That’s what ended up happening to me. If she didn’t break up with me when she did I would have missed out on my finace’ .

    Liked by 1 person

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