And he’s off…Bye Bye MR BIG BLUE

MR BIG BLUE is leaving today. He is off to India on his voyage of self-discovery. I’ve timed it so that by the time you guys read this MR BIG BLUE’S should have taken off. I wish I could be at the airport to see him off but he said no and I respected his wishes.

The final goodbye was relatively quick and painless. I gave him a care package with a few things to keep him going on his travels. He hasn’t travelled much before and he gets anxious so I just wanted to do something to show him I cared and that I was proud of him for taking this step.

Because of all the recent drama he has managed to push aside lots of the people that truly know him and care about him like his family and good friends. He has isolated himself and becomes very defensive when anyone asks him what is going on. I wanted to remind him that these are the people that care about him regardless and that their love is unconditional.

I want the little gifts and photos to make him smile if he ever feels down when he is away. The thought of him being sad, scared and alone in India upsets me and I just want him to know that I care. I also wanted him to remind him that there is a lot here for him to come back to when he is ready.

Flying away into the sunset
There he goes…

I gave him the gifts. He gave me his car (not really a fair swap right?!). I am just looking after it for him while he is away. My new friend, Mystic Ninja, (I will tell you how she miraculously arrived in my life in a future post) says that him giving me his car is a sign. She said that it shows he cares and wants me to be looked after and maybe that this is him telling me to wait. I don’t know whether this is true. But to me it does mean something.

Last year when I had to move house MR BIG BLUE was my rock. In fact every time we moved from place to place he was amazing. He always made the process easier and took charge of the situation. Moving house really is one of the most stressful experiences for me and again it is something that will be happening next month. This time I will have to do the move alone without MR BIG BLUE here to hold my hand…so it’s time for Cinders to grow up. But the fact that he gave me his car is kind of like him saying: ‘Cinders, I am still here for you making the move that little bit easier’. But maybe that’s just me being hopelessly romantic as per usual.

Is there really?

Anyway that was the pretty un-epic goodbye. He will be at the airport now. Part of me still wishes I had the guts to just turn up there…but then again this isn’t a Hollywood movie. It would most likely end in disaster. What’s done is done now, I guess.  He is probably already through passport control now. Now it’s officially the start of our time apart.

What are your thoughts on our goodbye? Do you think me giving him a gift was too much? What do you think about him loaning me his car? Is it just a friendly gesture or something more?  Am I silly to read into it? Do you think I should have pitched up at the airport? Or was I right to stay away?

Please please please keep reading and commenting. I really do appreciate your advice 🙂

Till we meet again.

Lots of LOVE Cinders x o x o

36 thoughts on “And he’s off…Bye Bye MR BIG BLUE

    • Hey Pallak,

      Thank you so much for reading the post and commenting. I don’t think its a case of waiting or not waiting. The fact is its not like I have a whole heap of guys queuing to be my Prince Charming. I want to move forward with my life while he is away. I want to work on myself and be a better person. When I see him again, I want to be strong, assured and completely fabulous. 😉 I don’t know about moving forward with someone else though. I think I will rather cross that bridge once I come to it.

      What do you think I should do? What would you do in this situation?

      Cinders x o x o

      Liked by 1 person

      • Now I understand you. The fact that you want to work on yourself is absolutely spot on. I think I would’ve done the same. It’s like I won’t become stagnant, instead I will try to become a better person, and when the right time comes (i.e. when he comes back), I’ll then decide what to do!! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Cool beans. I visited Delhi about 8 years ago now. I guess it has changed a lot though. I am a little worried about how MR BIG BLUE will handle India though. I think it can be quite overwhelming for the Western mind. But it is a truly beautiful place and I do hope the trip brings him back stronger.


      • Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment. I really does mean a lot. Writing this blog has been really therapeutic and the fact that I can interact with people anonymously makes it so much easier for me to talk freely.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Six months ago I said goodbye to someone – I considered the Hollywood movie race through the airport but decided I needed to let him go. I’m hoping that old saying is true “if you love something, set it free, if it’s truly yours… It will find its way back to you”.


    • Hey there. I am so happy you mentioned that quote. MR BIG BLUE’s mother once said it to me, actually years ago when I first thought I was losing him. I should have listened to her back then and let he go and discover what he needed to. I guess its what I have done. Lets watch this space and see if he finds his way back to me. I certainly hope so.

      How did your story pan out ? Is there any signs of him coming back to you? Or have you changed your perspectives while he has been away?


      • Well the long six months is almost up – hes home in three weeks. And my anxiety is through the roof. We’e gone full circle while he was away. We’ve been good friends for 10 years – always flirted/hooked up on and off. But the real idea of a romantic entanglement only started a mere few days before he went overseas. At first I was scared. Then the idea seemed amazing (from what i could tell it was the same for him), then the distance got in the way a little bit, then a certain ex girlfriend caught up with him overseas, then it was heart break and hatred for a little while, then i took my own overseas trip, and now we are in the realm of the unknown. I dont know where I stand or how he feels… Im basically in limbo! Im fairly certain im on the brink of the L word but I cant let my guard down just yet.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Awww. That sounds totally intense. I really hope it works out for you both 🙂 Its tough when you are apart from one another but one of you is having an adventure while the other is sat back at home working. When I first met MR BIG BLUE I had to leave after a pretty intense few weeks with him, I had to go home and then off overseas again for a work placement. I was having a great adventure while he was at home working. Now the roles are reversed and I think its harder being the one left at home. But still, he deserves this trip and its what he has wanted for a long time so I am letting him go. I just hope he will be willing to share the adventure and his stories with me too 🙂

        I look forward to learning more about your story too 🙂


  2. Hi there! Thanks for visiting my page 🙂

    I have been Reading this… And was wondering.. Are you guys together or not? How long, May I ask?

    It’s always hard to be the leaving staying behind.. But be strong! Not for him, never, but for you and you alone! Your life is yours to live, never forget. I don’t know if you should wait, depends what you guys discussed.. Or what kind of ‘relationship’ you have, and for how long he will be gone.

    I think the gift is cute and thoughtful! I’m sure he will love it! Btw. I think the faxt he ‘gave’ you his car is a sign he trusts you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Moondai,

      Thanks so much for reading my blog and your comment.

      Whether we are together or not is kinda a grey area. More will be revealed in future posts. But I have a feeling that there is something going with the Divorcee…I am just not sure what and if its really something serious or just a silly phase/people taking advantage of one another. We were together for almost 5 and half years and then things changed suddenly.

      There was a lot of drama going on before he left and we didn’t really discuss out future. He will be gone for a couple of months. I just hope the change of scenery does him some good and he comes back with a clearer idea of what he wants and then I will know where I stand.

      I hope you keep reading 🙂 Thanks!


  3. Ok, here goes…Religious differences are difficult in a relationship. Your situation goes beyond that. He has chosen a way of life that is totally different than the life you want. If he truly adopts their beliefs and lives the “pure life” there will not be room for you, unless you want to adapt. Their pure rules are even against sex outside the marriage, and then for procreation only. (unless I remember this wrong). The cheating threw me a bit…was this before his conversion? Here is the bottom line…..forget what you are feeling now, the love and the missing. Think of the future. Do you really want to be in this kind of relationship? You will always be questioned and he will not want you to do anything. Really think about that. If he comes back and it turns out he was “in a phase” that may be a different story. For now….think of him as gone and live your life. We do not know what the future will bring, but we cannot stop living in the now, waiting for something that may never happen. Been there and I wasted way too much of my life waiting and not living.
    Hope this made sense. Thanks for the prompt to the blog! Hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your comment Jacki 🙂

      Yup the religious thing is a problem. But the two of us were finding some middle ground before things changed.

      Although he intends to fully live their way of life, the fact is he has tried on so many occasions and failed. The majority of people who know him (including some senior devotees and his family) all say he needs to take it down a notch…because its his fanatacism that is causing all these problems. He tries to be too good and then messes up. – Does that make any sense?

      The cheating. That first happened (with the Other Women) when he started to get fanatical about 2 years ago. But it soon ended and he was sorry. Now when he started to go through another phase of his Krishna Consciousness he seems to have started to get involved with yet another chick, namely the Divorcee. So it seems he has a pattern. Hence the reason, people think its better that he try to be steady rather than up and down in his practice.

      I am not waiting (thats what my post later today will be about) but I am going to use this time apart to focus on myself. I am sure MR BIG BLUE and I will stay in touch while he is away. I just hope that he comes back with his head a little more sorted.

      Thanks again for popping by. I hope you keep following my progress 🙂

      Cinders x o x o

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ok here is a couple of thoughts … I keep reading about how you feel (I) and about what you want, but no matter what it is you want …he wants something else, proof? He is on his way to India. You value this relationship more than he does. As for the car you already said he doesn’t value material things as much as he used to so it seems like that was just here keep an eye on for me until I come back. Nothing more than that. It is hard to let go of someone especially when they have already let go of you. But if you don’t let go you are preventing someone else from entering your life.


    • Thanks again for your comment. Its not always what I want to hear but its good for me to hear it (I think)

      Does the fact that he is on his way to India really mean he doesn’t want me in his life? I am happy he is off on his journey. Its something he has always wanted to do and I am happy he has finally had the courage to do it. He always supported me in achieving my goals so I want to do the same. You forget by going away to India he is not only away from me but away from the Divorcee…and I think that is a good thing for all parties concerned.

      The car…I never said he is not into material things anymore. He was pretty happy with some fairly expensive gifts I got him. The whole materialism thing is something I will need to discuss in a whole separate blog post but the fact is it is certainly not something he has given up. But maybe you are right, maybe the car thing was just a friendly gesture and nothing more.

      As always thankyou for your comments. I really do appreciate the fact that you take the time to read my things and give me your thoughts. 🙂


  5. If Mystic Ninja is your mystical friend, let me be your mechanistic, logical friend. Don’t make a big deal out of him giving you the car. Caring about someone as a human being and wanting to be in a relationship with them are two very different things. Women tend to say things like, “he’s just afraid of commitment right now,” or take a nice gesture and interpret it for more than it really is. There is a danger in projecting our wants and desires on the other person, and you need to take this gesture simply at face value. It’s just a car. It’s not a commitment. It’s not a message to wait. Maybe he simply gave you the car because by doing so he feels like less of an asshole. For him, it feels like the right thing to do. Period. Yes, it sucks, but waiting around and pining for a man who has decided to leave the relationship will ultimately suck more.

    Be strong. Do you.


    • Thank you for the reality check. I guess hearing this now will be easier in the long run. But the romantic little girl in me, wants to believe its something more. But I you are right. Thank you for being the voice of reason 🙂 I will try and be more sensible.


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