Counting My Blessings – Part 1 : Family and Friends

This morning MR BIG BLUE reached his final destination…Mayapur,India. I chatted to him on Skype and WhatsApp while he had his long layover in Doha and we had some nice banter back and forth. It was a bit like old times – best friends laughing at our silly little personal jokes: D I do truly hope he is happy, safe and comfortable in Mayapur. This is what he always wanted and I am proud of him for taking this step. And from my own selfish point of view I am just glad he is away from the Divorcee and all the related drama,

While MR BIG BLUE will be getting all the blessings his heart could desire in the holy land, Cinders over here is going to be counting her very own blessings back at the ranch. Even though I’ve had a tough couple of months, I want to focus on the all the positive things in my life at the moment that I can be thankful about.

Initially when I started this post, I wanted to tell you about all the things I am thankful for in my life right now. However, when I got writing I realised it would be impossible to fit in all in to one post that would hold you attention. So I decided to have a series of posts each focusing on a single positive aspect of my life beyond the MR BIG BLUE drama.

winnie the pooh quote
This is something I sent to MR BIG BLUE once…I now realise its actually what my friends and family were doing for me.
  1. Friends and Family

My relationship with MR BIG BLUE took over my life to a certain extent. I left my family and friends and moved across the globe to start a life with MR BIG BLUE. It wasn’t intentional at first but inevitably I ended up drifting away from a lot of old friendships. To some extent this was because of the distance but much of it was because I got caught up in my relationship with MR BIG BLUE and I didn’t bother making enough effort with my friends and family.

When it came to family MR BIG BLUE made a huge effort. My folks (and the extended family) truly did love him even though he was from a very different background and culture. But with my friends, it was a different story. Even when we visited my home for a few weeks’ vacation he was reluctant to hang out with them. He’d tell me to go out while he stayed home at watch TV. He even once made me pitch to one of my best friends weddings on my own because he decided he didn’t feel well on the morning of the big day (he later went out singing and dancing with the Hare Krishna’s so he wasn’t all that sick – right?). And again when he started to get more involved in the HK movement, he distanced himself from friends that we’d made together here. It was like I was being made to choose between friendships that I had fought hard to form in a new country and him, my reason for being here in the first place.

Friends and Family
Sounds about right … 🙂

Anyway, the fact is that despite the physical and emotional distance caused by me being in this relationship when things went pear shaped it was my friends and family who were there for me. Although none of them know the full story, the fact is they know I am upset and they have been beyond kind. They are helping me to pick up the pieces, without asking too many questions or saying ‘I told you so.’ One of my best friends, in fact my only really good male friend (let’s call him Lothario) is even planning on flying over here to spend some quality time with me. He doesn’t know the extent of what has happened, he just knows that something is wrong and he knows that us spending time together again will cheer me. I am truly thankful for all of my friends and family and the worst thing is they’ll never know how much.

Well that’s all for now folks. But before you go…lets chat a little in the comments below. Do you think I am wrong not to tell my family and friends the whole truth? Have you ever had to rebuild friendships/family relationships that you strained when you were in a relationship? How did you go about doing this? Please provide some insights for me.

Thank you so much for reading and offering me your advice and insights. Some of you have been harsh in your comments and it’s not what I have wanted to hear. However, sometimes the truth hurts as they say and you guys are certainly making me look at things from different angles – so seriously, thank you 🙂

Till I see your beautiful faces bringing up my blog stats again,

Lots of LOVE Cinders 🙂

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27 thoughts on “Counting My Blessings – Part 1 : Family and Friends

  1. Do take the time to rebuild your relationships. They are the people who are here….he left. Have you thought about talking to someone. A professional? I am not saying you are crazy or anything like that :). Just saying from experience it can really help you to sort though some things. Just a thought. Hugs

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    • Hey there,

      You are right. One of the things I plan on using this time apart from MR BIG BLUE on is reconnecting with old friends and my family. I am just really lucky that they are still here. They would be well within their rights to have walked away or simply say they are busy with their own lives…but they haven’t. I am lucky.

      As for professional help…I am not a huge fan of the idea. Right now, this blog is my therapy and talking to people like yourself if helping me beyond anything I would expect from a professional. Plus, you’ll see in future ‘counting my blessings’ posts that I have a lot of new financial considerations to take heed off – so I won’t really be able to spare the cash for therapy even if I wanted too. So for as long as people will hang around, you all will be my therapists.

      Thank you again for taking the time to read my posts 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. If you are going to rebuild relationships then it is time you tell the whole story to your family and friends. The reason is trust. If you want those relationships to matter the first then is you have to rebuild the trust they need to have in you. Maybe your reading audience does not need to know the whole story but your family those closest to you absolutely needs to know …trust them with the truth and they in turn will trust you.

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    • Thanks for the advice.

      The problem is its easier for me to the blogosphere about this drama than it is for me to tell my friends and family. The fact is I kept things away from my family because I didn’t want to them to be hurt…they also really love him. The first time he cheated with the Other Women I kept it from everyone, because we were trying to make a go of things and I didn’t want anyone to be hating on him or judging me for taking him back. Does that make any sense?

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      • Listen no one wants to give their family bad news especially on the relationship front but you are doing a disservice to your loved ones by not telling them the truth. You keep saying you don’t want them to get hurt, they will be more hurt that you lied to them than if you tell the truth. Trust them with the truth , let them decide how to handle it, you might be surprise they may not be as hurt as you think. I am speaking from experience on this.

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      • I understand what you are saying. I just don’t really know how I am going to actually do it. Its like I’ve covered up the truth (haven’t really lied as such) for so long now that it will be hard. Plus my family is on the other side of the world…I don’t want them feeling helpless over there. Gosh, it feels like such a mess.

        With my friends, they are a bit closer to home and they know that things aren’t OK. They are doing what they can to lift my spirits. But you know people have a habit of gossiping and its hard to know who to trust sometimes. I’ve never been one of those people that likes to share too much. I’ve rarely cried in front of my friends and I don’t know how I feel sharing all the details of my messy situation with them. Don’t get me wrong, I love them to pieces…but I am a pretty private person.

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  3. It’s hard because you waited too long to tell the truth. While family are a considerable distance away from you, don’t like that be the reason not to share everything with them. You keep saying it’s not easy but you are not making it any easier but being silent. There is a difference between being private and sharing with those that need to know.

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    • Yeah, I guess its just me making excuses. My mother was in tears when MR BIG BLUE and I moved apart…I just can’t handle seeing other people more stressed and upset. i’ll try to figure out some way to tell them, I just don’t know when and how. Till then keep up all the good advice, I appreciate it 🙂

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      • Telling the truth comes naturally when we are truthful with ourselves first. You can simply say…I have something that I need to share with you… it will be painful at first but once the words start it will despite the pain get easier. But as stated before trust your loved ones with the truth let them decide how they will handle it.

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      • I think I need to also get to the bottom of the story before I start telling them. I have so many questions of my own, I don’t know how I will start answering theirs. Hopefully, the right time will present itself soon enough and I can have this cloud lifted off my shoulders.

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