Gosh, so there I was trying to be uber positive and counting my blessings and then BOOM I get caught up in a fit of rage. I was just perusing Facebook and I see a comment from her basically describing how his trip to Mayapur had been a major battle (as if it was something they had fought together). It made so crazy mad. I was the one who had been there with him for the past 5 and half years, picking up the pieces, dealing with all the challenges, fighting for our relationship tooth and nail, trying my best to understand and accommodate his faith and encourage him in all aspects of life and there she is talking like she knows it all.
Let me backtrack a little so I can fill in the gaps for you guys. When I first got an inkling about there being someone in the way of my relationship with MR BIG BLUE my gut instinct told me it wasn’t the Other Woman on the scene again but the Divorcee. Mr BIG BLUE had talked fondly about her on a few occasions saying she was spiritually advanced, had a steady job, a real nice house and a nice car. Oh and she really spoilt her ex-husband, let’s call him … Mad Man, shall we? Anyway MR BIG BLUE always seemed to have an odd fascination with the Divorcee, maybe hinting at the fact that she was everything I wasn’t. So more recently, he mentioned that she had started to confide in him about the problems in her marriage to Mad Man and the divorce. That did sort of set the alarms bells ringing. I told him I didn’t care about other people’s failed marriages and he just brushed off my comments, saying he only wanted to fill me on some gossip. I left it at that, I didn’t bother overthinking it.
But then she goes and moves into the Hare Krishna temple to ‘get away’ from the Mad Man and they end up literally end up living on top of each other. Even though I had a feeling there was something possibly developing between them I didn’t react. I had reacted badly in the past and it hadn’t worked in my favour. So instead of going in guns blazing and attacking the Divorcee who is well-liked and respected in the community I decided I would express myself using my writing in the form of the following letter.
First of all let me start by saying I am not doing this to judge you or being mean in anyway. While I don’t know you personally, I know you are an initiated devotee and I do have to respect you for that. So please don’t take offence I anything I write in this letter. That’s not my intention here.
MR BIG BLUE is my everything. He is my first, last and only ever true love. We might not have been married or living together for the last couple years but we might as well have been because we were serious. As far as I was concerned we dealt with the same challenges that people deal with in a marriage and we were working on this until now.
Look, I can’t compete with you really. You understand spirituality in a way I never will. You can certainly help MR BIG BLUE in ways I can’t. But the thing is I was willing to learn so that I could accommodate his beliefs and I think that must at least count for something.
I know things must have been tough for you after things ended with the Mad Man and I won’t pretend to know the ins and outs of your relationship but I can only imagine that ending the marriage was incredibly hard.
When MR BIG BLUE and I moved apart it was pretty much the same thing. Every time I packed away something of ours, it was a memory we had together, so it really ripped my heart to shreds. Right from the very beginning MR BIG BLUE and I had our challenges but somehow by some sort of miracle our paths crossed even though we lived on separate sides of the world. On top of thatwe were able to overcome the distance and make a plan to be together. MR BIG BLUE always told me we must have known each other from a previous life. I thought he was talking nonsense but I have to say my relationships with him was certainly special.
Our relationship goes way further than just the two of us, it involves our families and believe me when I say this is hurting many people, not just me. So, what I am trying to say is that if you think that MR BIG BLUE is your knight in shining in armour here to protect you from the Mad Man or just some rebound guy. DON’T. JUST DON’T. Because to me he is EVERYTHING – my best friend, my family, the person who understands me in a way nobody else ever could. Over the last 5 years, MR BIG BLUE and I grew up together. It started as just 2 kids falling completely head over heels in love with each other but we learnt the hard way about what it takes to have a real grown up relationship.
If after reading this you still continue to push forward with this I truly do wish you both well. I love him so much that I just want him to be safe and happy. But please be kind to him, kinder than I was. MR BIG BLUE has a fragile heart and he has been hurt by too many people. Built him up. Tell him everyday that he is wonderful. Make him laugh. Always have adventures. Encourage him to have a relationship with his family because he really doesn’t know how truly amazing they are. Don’t take him away from them. Love him when he falls down and when he is weak. Always tell him that things will be OK in the end (he always did that for me.) Show him the beauty in the world. Be proud of him always. And if all else fails tell him to come find his old best friend Cinders (that’s me!).
Good Luck although you don’t need it because you got really did get lucky with him.
Lots of LOVE. Hare Krishna.
Cinders x o x o
Golly, rewriting that out just had me in tears. This is exactly how I had it written out in my journal (I didn’t edit it out). Things were a bit different when I wrote – MR BIG BLUE was still here. Just FYI I never sent it. But I will tell you more about a conversation I had a
Now over to to you guys. Tell me what you think of the letter.I always appreciate your pearls of wisdom 🙂
Do you think I should have sent it? Do you think I am being unfair towards the Divorcee? Do you think there could have been a better way for me to fight for my relationship? Have you guys been through anything similar ? How did you handle the situation?
Till the next (hopefully happier) episode.
Lots and Lots of LOVE my lovelies.
Cinders x o x o