Counting My Blessings – Part 3 : Reconciliation with the Other Women

Howdy to y’ all my beautiful followers…Welcome to February the month of LOVE and the birth of fabulous Cinders (Gosh, it’s not going to be easy is it? But let’s give it a go anyway. Shall we?)

Today, I am going to tell about the Other Women (the first one for 2012/2013 not the Divorcee). At first I was going to discuss her in the second Counting My Blessings post but it was getting too long and I thought it was a bit much calling her a friend.

Let’s start by skipping to New Year’s Eve. Mr Big Blue had left the city for a bit of break and I was milling about at the temple. I was feeling a bit down and over the previous few days I had been feeling like I had to make some changes. I was fed up of holding on to animosity that I had with the Other Women from almost two years ago. It was very all of a sudden but I basically decided to go up to her and tell her that I was over creating an atmosphere every time we saw each other. I apologised for my part in our past fights. Basically I ate a huge slice of humble pie.

The Other Women actually turned out to be quite sweet, she asked me what was up and whether I was OK. I ended up telling her that things were messed up and that I thought maybe MR BIG BLUE was involved with the Divorcee. I told her that I’d heard on the grapevine that MR BIG BLUE had lied on his holy scripture (but at that stage I didn’t know what the lie was actually about). She was surprised as she didn’t know that I already knew. We ended up talking for a couple of hours that day. She told me her side of the story….

The Other Women
Could it really end up like a Hollywood chick flick?

According to the Other Women, she first met MR BIG BLUE when he started to spend a lot of time at the temple (which subsequently contributed to him losing his job) and then they got talking. It seemed like she knew I was still in the picture and when they started to get close she told him to end things with properly with me because it wasn’t fair on either of us.

There was this one incident I remembered when I started to receive weird messages from him saying that he wanted to end it, blah blah blah. But I immediately knew it wasn’t him who sent them. I remember that I immediately assumed it was her that hacked his account (although I had no proof whatsoever) and when I told him at the time he told me I was mad in the head. Later when information about his affair came to light, I asked him about the incident and he confessed it was her but she was mental and had stolen his phone and sent me the messages. When I spoke to the Other Women she said that in fact he had given her the phone and told her she could send me whatever she wanted.

She said that part of her current issue with him was that he’d managed to get her banned from the temple by painting her out to be a home wrecker that had tried to destroy our relationship by contacting me on a number of occasions and making false allegations about him. There had been some previous incident between her and a married man which simply served to back up his story. She gave me a lot more detail about their ‘relationship’, apparently when we moved apart and he moved into the temple, the plan had actually been for him to go to her home town and meet her folks and then they’d go to India and get married (a little far-fetched maybe?!).

While we did reconcile our differences and both admitted we threw some low blows, I am going to take everything she says with a pinch of salt. It’s clear she has a bit of an agenda. I emailed someone who should be able to be trusted, let’s call him the Marigold, who was fully aware of the conflict that had existed between me and the Other Women, and even he told me not to get to close to her as there was a lot of controversy surrounding her. So moving forward, I will maintain amicable relations with the Other Women, as she could be a potential source of information but I won’t take anything she says as gospel.

A-woman-uses-her-intelligence Quote
Is this me using my intelligence?

So there we have it folks, the story turns and becomes more and more weird (and you really haven’t heard the last of it)…. So now over to you guys….What do you think of me reconciling with the Other Women? Is it a good thing or do you think I am playing with fire? What would you do moving forward? Do you think she can potentially give me any real insights or do you think its more likely that I will end up manipulated by her?

I always value your thoughts and advice so do let me know what you think.

Thanks again for reading my dribble.

LOVE you all the way to the moon (something I used to say to MR BIG BLUE) my little wise owls.

Cinders x o x o

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32 thoughts on “Counting My Blessings – Part 3 : Reconciliation with the Other Women

  1. It’s good you made up with the other woman. It shows maturity on your part.

    It reminds me of my ex, and his love interests… And also reminds me of my ex-best friend I had in college. She was exactly like ‘THE other woman’ you described. She was mental, and did things to her ex, who was also a friend of mine. Be careful with these kind of people! It’s good you don’t trust her too much, cause she might be playing with you!

    When it comes To information she is sharing.. I’m not sure how much you can really trust it. She might want to know some more from you and just saying what you might want to hear. Just try to be careful with these kind of people!

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    • Thank you for your comment. I will talk a little more about what she said in my next post…its really crazy. She made me feel like I don’t know MR BIG BLUE at all…or that he was leading a double life.

      Lets keep an eye on her and see how this works out.

      I do hope that your friends turned out OK.

      Cinders x o x o

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  2. My friends turned out fine. My ex-best friend, I have no idea. She tried to turn the whole world against me at one point and told me it was my own fault.. It was mental.. She was crazy. But it the end I tried to be civil and tried to ‘apologize’ and move on with my life. She was still back stabbing me but luckily most of my friends saw the real her…eventually

    Don’t let her get to you too much! She is not worth it! But then again… Some people do lead a double life. One of my ex boyfriends was and I never knew! But just be careful..

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    • Hey there,

      I am really glad things turned out OK for your friend. From what I can tell the Other Women does have issues (it seems MR BIG BLUE had a type for his bits of the side – damaged people it seems). Like I said I won’t trust her…she has an agenda. However, my dad always said keep your friends but your enemies closer…let’s see how we get on.

      Thanks for sharing your experiences it helps to know that I am not the only one dealing with such nonsense.

      Cinders x o x o

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  3. You were seeking answers on Mr. Big Blue and now you got more. It seems he had been planning this India trip all along and was planning on getting married to someone else. It is possible he is still doing that now. He has never been honest with you. The Universe gave you the answers (maybe not the best source for the answers) but answers none the less to free you so you can move on without wondering anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I knew that India trip had always been on the cards. Even from right of the start of our relationship he made it clear that it was a dream of his…there was nothing new there.

      Like I said, I am taking everything the Other Women says with a pinch of salt. The whole ‘marriage’ thing I am not convinced is 100% true. She’d never met his folks. I met them within a month of knowing him, as had his girlfriend before me. I am still very close to his family and asked them straight out whether they’d ever heard of the Other Women but they said no. And in them I do have complete trust. So maybe he had said it, maybe not but I doubt it was something legitimate and above aboard. As for marriage to the Divorcee…it would be a complete comedy to errors if that happened …her Divorcee isn’t even finalised and again his family and friends do not know and I doubt hers does either (I think the HK movement would totally frown upon this if they had knowledge)…Its all a bit weird if you ask me. But lets watch this space….

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  4. There is no reason, what so ever, for you to be in further contact with her. You say she could be a source of information, but then you say you don’t trust what she says. What information do you still need from her? Is she even in the picture anymore? What you did find out, was your Mr.Big Blue was possibly living what you call a “double life”. I can tell yo again…the heart takes longer to accept what the mind already knows. You need to find a way to let this all go. You are only bringing yourself more pain. Look at all he has done to you. Really look at it all. Is this a man you want to spend your life with?

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    • Hey Jackie,

      She is a source of information in that she has contacts within the HK movement and she can often shed some light on things I won’t fully understand. I know, i know, I know she can also manipulate the information and feed me nonsense as and when she wants. That is why I am being careful.

      The only way she is in the picture is that she is busy putting a case together against MR BIG BLUE…because she wants the HK movement to know that he manipulated her and then portrayed her as a home wrecker. She says she has truth on her side but lets see shall we….

      So that heart/head thing is exactly what I am trying to deal with? My heart loves MR BIG BLUE despite all his faults, my head knows that I will end up more hurt in the long run. But my heart doesn’t truly believe all the allegations people are making up about MR BIG BLUE. Sometimes you can just know something, without having hard evidence, right?

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  5. Cinders I feel so bad for you. I know you are hurting. You are looking for answers. I have been there. Half of what I write is about old unresolved feelings. It is doing you no good to keep going back and trying to find answers from everybody, but Mr Big Blue. You are not trusting anything people are saying , so why continue to ask? That situation with HK and the other woman will play out. You have no control over that. Yes, you are in a battle with your heart and your mind. It is a tough battle to be in. I just wish you could take this time for you. You need to decompress and stay away from the drama. It is doing you no good.

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    • Sigh. What I trying to do is hear what everyone has to say, why they are saying – i.e. do they have an agenda, and then drawing my own conclusions. I won’t be able to confront MR BIG BLUE till he returns from India and then I want to be armed with all the facts. Is that fair enough?

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  6. Some people feel you need to forgive the “Other Woman” to move on. I have maintained throughout my recovery after D-Day that I don’t need to forgive my husband’s AP. I don’t need to like her either. I spent a lot of energy hating her for the first year or so. Now, I don’t really care about her. She’s not important to my story and I don’t feel like reconciling with her would have helped me heal any faster. It would have forced me to empathize with her which seems like a waste of time. She’s out of my life (thank goodness).
    It’s so important to do what you need to do to feel better, to heal, to try to find your happiness again. Letting go of anger or resentment you feel towards the OW is important to let go of the pain. But take care of yourself first.

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    • Hi there.

      Thankyou for reading my blog and commenting. I feel that sharing experiences with others in similar situations does help me a lot.

      The Other Women in my story has an agenda of that I am sure. That is why I will keep her at arms length. I don’t think she was as innocent as she makes out. She knew full well about me and she carried on with him. It was only when things started to get bad for her that she started reacting. Although she is giving me another perspective and an insight into the religion – I am taking EVERYTHING she says with a pinch of salt. I don’t really feel sorry for her though…she went into this thinking she’d get the guy but she ended up in a way worse situation and there is a lot of general controversy surrounding her anyway.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I need to read more of your story. Sounds like a tangled web she weaved. I believe that sharing my story here has been helpful to my healing. Knowing that I can connect with women going through the same experience has been a lifeline.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I totally get you. Its nice to know we are not alone.

        Please do keep reading my story and offering your insights too 🙂

        Like

  7. […] I told her I had my suspicions about him being involved with someone else and that there were rumours going around at the temple. I told her I had a inclining about who it was. I provided her with a name, age, religious inclination (oh and I provided her with the small token bitchy bit of information that the divorcee was one of those girls who were married and divorced by the age of 32 😉 ). I told her I hadn’t got any concrete evidence yet but my gut was telling me something. I explained how MR BIG BLUE had lied on the Bhagavad-Gita about him and I just being good friends. And how he had portrayed me to people at the temple as a crazed ex-girlfriend who couldn’t get over him (for 2 years). I also told her about the Other Women. […]

    Liked by 1 person

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