Counting My Blessings – Part 4 : My Castle and a New Beginning

Today I signed the final bond documents for my house. It was my folks who first encouraged me to buy property. I think they figured that my life was so up in the air with MR BIG BLUE that they just wanted to do what they could to help me settle down. With them being so far away, I guess they worry about me and my future a lot. I am plodding along fine here but having a house will certainly allow me to feel more at home.

When I started the house hunt MR BIG BLUE always came with me to house viewings. I guess it was a bit strange. There I was looking to buy property and move forward in my life while he was still figuring out what to do with his while living at the HK temple. In an ideal world, this would have been something we could have done together. We could have found our dream home and worked on paying off a bond together with both our salaries. But with there being no sign of him even looking for a job, I had to move on when it came to the property front. The longer you wait, the more expensive property comes.

The property search was by no means a simple feat. I had to deal with lots of dodgy people and I had a number of my offers fall through. There really were times when I thought of giving up but people who had been through the process told me that I would just know when I walked into the right property. That moment finally came at the beginning of December. Things were starting to go bad with MR BIG BLUE. He was pulling away from me and I started to feel awkward asking him to come to viewings with me, so instead I took a friend.

castle
Finding my CASTLE was not easy. I can’t wait to move in soon 🙂

Finding my house was a somewhat slightly strange experience. I am quite a straight laced kind of girl so I don’t really believe in mystical signs or the like (that was always more MR BIG BLUE’s forte) so it how I found and secured the place is a little hard for me to explain. It had been a bit of a long morning of viewing various show houses when I walked into the Castle (let’s call it that because its fit for a princess). I automatically LOVED it (as everyone had promised I would when I walked into the place for me). It had high ceilings, a fireplace, a cute garden and a lovely big social kitchen. I could easily picture myself living there. Chilling in the living room, having friends over, cuddling in front of the fireplace with MR BIG BLUE, painting and doing DIY together, having our (future) babies running around in the backyard…OK I am getting ahead of myself. The only problem was that the property price was a bit higher than I had budgeted for.

I spoke to my parents as soon as I saw the place and told them that I LOVED it, but there were two other offers in on the place already so I needed to decide quickly whether I would put in an offer. I then took some time out just to clear my head a little and I walked past a little community fair. Like I said, I am not big on all these hocus pocus signs but MR BIG BLUE had always told me keep an eye out for signs. Anyway, strangely enough as I walked passed the fair I saw the smiling face of Lord Jaganath (an incarnation of Krishna). Strange. I didn’t think too much about it. My parents called me back and encouraged me to put in a solid offer. So I did. There is not much more to tell other than by the time I’d driven from the viewing back home I had a call from the agent to tell me the offer had been accepted. It is crazy how quickly things turn around, hey?

Lord Jaganath
Was seeing Lord Jaganath’s face a reassuring sign that I was making a good move with this house?

I move in (hopefully) in less than a months’ time. I think it will be a bit of a bitter sweet experience. I am really excited about decorating and finally being able to make a place mine but I always thought this was something MR BIG BLUE and I would do together. I realise I am really lucky to have such an amazing family who have not only support me financially but know me well enough to know what I need in my life, even when I don’t. I don’t deserve them. That’s something that makes me really mad with MR BIG BLUE – he was welcomed into one of the best families in the world and yet he still choose something else to surround himself with people who will likely drop him as soon as things get bad and to jump from one damaged women to the next. Like me, my family loved him unconditionally despite the fact that he wasn’t uber-ambitious or super successful or anything. They saw his kind heart and they saw he made me happy, so they not only accepted him but loved him like their own. (Sorry for the rant.). Anyway, I shouldn’t dwell on this. It is what it is. I need to see my new castle as an opportunity. An opportunity to be more independent, to meet new people, to feel settled and create a place that’s totally fabulous and totally me, a castle that will make Cinders happy.

So folks… What do you think of my story? Do you believe in signs or transcendental arrangements (as MR BIG BLUE would call them)? How would you advise me to move forward and use the castle as an opportunity to make myself happy? Do you think things fell apart between MR BIG BLUE and I at exactly the right time to make it possible for me to find this place?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Please please please don’t be blog lurkers but comment on the post (even if you want to offer me some abuse).

LOVE y’all long times,

Cinders x o x o

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22 thoughts on “Counting My Blessings – Part 4 : My Castle and a New Beginning

  1. Cinders – you are a glutton for punishment lol asking for people to offer opinions lol. Ok…here is mine. This is a golden opportunity take advantage of it to involve yourselfwith your new home.Part of letting go of Mr Big Blue is not to mention him so much in your entires. You apparently had your life planned out with him in mind. That said…this is your opportunity to plan forward without (you know who) and to rediscover yourself in this moment.

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    • bklynboy59 – I need all of your opinions. Maybe enough people talking on this blog will eventually persuade my stupid lovesick heart that HE isn’t good enough.

      I will try to take this opportunity to make the CASTLE. My place with MY stamp all over it. Me moving overseas for HIM meant losing a bit (a lot) of myself. I was in HIS country. Living in HIS place. Mixing with HIS friends. Getting involved in HIS religion. Now finally maybe this house will be something that represents Me and Me ALONE. 🙂 Lets hope I can be strong enough to move on and the castle can be a positive thing.

      I really am the luckiest girl in the world.

      Cinders x o x o

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I know what you are going through …I moved completely to another side of the state I live in to be with my ex. we ended up living down the street from each other which was fine until we broke up. Most people thought I was nuts. I gave up alot to be with ex. It was her town, her friends, her ways her world. After the break up I learned to get out more and while we live in the same town it is now my town too. So you are strong enough and bright enough to know that this is your opportunity to really be you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad you understand. It won’t be easy. Its a pretty small place where I live. I will have to work hard to make myself happy. Right now, things are OK as he is not here. But he will return and no doubt I will bump into him and maybe even have to see him around with the Divorcee. Thats not going to be easy. But I haven’t done anything wrong so I will tackle everything with my head held high. Unlike them that need to go sneaking around and being hypocritical. Gosh I hate religious people (like them)…pretending to be all high and mighty, donating to their temple and preaching this that and the other. How about they try to lead by example ?!!?! (Sorry again for another rant !!!!)

      This was meant to be a positive post. Must go meditate on my beautiful, beautiful house which will be pretty things and joyful, happy, truthful people 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Again you keep reference him as if you want to continue this toxic relationship. He is done, he is history. Stop thinking about when he returns, focus on the home that is yours, how you plan to make it yours, the new adventures that await you as a homeowner. That is being positive. The beautiful flowers you can plant the pictures and paintings that you can place on your wall those things should be your focus…not the return of…or running into …the word for today is opportunity …this is your opportunity to be ..Cindy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cindy 🙂 I like that name !

      So I’ve started a Pintrest Board and have bought a few bits and pieces. I will keep it simple at first and save up for the bigger items. I planning on trawling through second hand stores to find lots of loved pieces of furniture, Flowers….hmmmm….I always end up killing them (I have a MR BIG BLUE story to add here but I know you’ll murder me so I will refrain). I hope everything goes to plan and this CASTLE can be the catalyst for me to move on with my life. 🙂

      Thank you for your support.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ok it’s a start …now let’s eliminate the name of Mr…you know who from your post …it is both literally and figitively important to do this …the less you talk about him the more you position yourself to tell the universe you are ready for what comes next but you have to make room for it by eliminating …you know who

    Liked by 1 person

    • OK….I am going to try. But there is still a lot I need to write about said person. I honestly need to mention him, to get him out of my system. The more I talk, rant, get angry, sad and whatever the better I feel. So while I promise to try, please don’t get angry with me if you here his name again.

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  5. It’s normal to mention you know who.. It’s still a way of processing.. Before you know it, there will be no mentioning of him again instead only happy stories of…. Your house and dating life 😉 it’s truly great to be out there again, making new memories. It’s hard, we have all been there.. You are not alone in this!!

    And I too believe in signs! It’s terrible!

    And I agree about people leading by example… I mean, I believe in a greater power, but choose not to be part of a church or temple or whatever because of the people… I have tried, trust me but people keep disappointing me making me wonder about religion alltogether..

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    • I think I can write a whole heap of posts on religion. I think it serves a purpose. And I am thankful to MBB for showing me there was a space for religion in my life.

      Even while MBB has been away I’ve been spending time at the HK temple, I do like it there, its really peaceful and I have some good friends there. Yet I still feel quite complicated.

      🙂

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  6. Everything happens for a reason and for good! You have your own house now? Wow. I am so happy for you. This will surely keep you busy; decorating the house, shifting, enjoying your privacy.
    And as far as signs are concerned, I don’t really believe in them.
    There’s a saying “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” When you will look back at all these times in future, you will realize and understand the reasons why it all happened. “Connecting the dots” will give us all the answers. This is how I make myself understand when something doesn’t go the way I wanted it to. 🙂

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    • Hey Pallak,

      Thanks for checking on the blog and commenting. I have never been big on signs but I think after searching for a home for over a year… I think it was pretty cool that I got some reassurance 🙂 Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. Maybe just coincidence. But it made me feel better about the decision.

      I am excited about all the new possibility the home holds for me 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Congrats on the new house! No better way to make a fresh start. Started out a positive post and then turned into something else. Personally, I do not think hanging out at the temple is a good thing to do. It is not your belief so why in the world would you hang out there? Information maybe….? The things you are thinking and doing seem more to be that of someone hanging on, not trying to let go. Sometimes the answers to questions just do not come, and to continue to revisit the past inhibits growth. I really think you need to start looking at things differently. You need to find the courage to let go… not continue to revisit the past. Traveling the same road will always lead to the same destination. 🙂

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    • Hey Jackie

      I haven’t really explained my relationship with religion and the temple properly in any of my posts. Yes, you are right its not my belief. But over the years that I have been going there with MR BIG BLUE I have started to come around to certain ideas. Its given me peace in some strange sense. For a month after MR BIG BLUE started to get weird towards me, I started to miss it. Something was missing in my life. When I went back, I felt happier in a really strange way. I don’t think its a bad place as such, I just think that some people like MBB get fanatical and hypocritical, thats where the problems with religion start.

      Lots of people like the Oracle have made me feel welcome and promised me that they are on my side. They’ve given me an unprecedented amount of support…support I couldn’t really get elsewhere.

      So yes maybe I hang around there for information but its not that simple…..

      Thank you for your comments 🙂

      Like

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