Unfinished Letter to MR BIG BLUE – Part 1

I am a contradiction right now.  Forgive me. I promised some of you I would stop waffling on about MR BIG BLUE and in same breathe I said to others that I would offer a few more positive insights into the man so you might be able to understand while I love him. Well, I am not doing either in this post. I am just going to present you with a letter I started to write to him at the end of last year. Basically I wrote this when I had turned up to the temple to fight for my relationship and then found MR BIG BLUE was being uber defensive and not talking to me in any proper way. So here goes (please don’t hate me…)

Writing - My Solace during Tough Times.
Writing – My Solace during Tough Times.

***

Dear MR BIG BLUE

i am writing this letter because I am not coping so well and I though I should go back to what I used to do at the beginning when life getting a bit much for me. I don’t really where to start because firstly I doubt you will ever read this and secondly there is just so much to so I need to try and put it down in some logical order.

Anyway lets start with the obvious…I LOVE YOU. Always have and always will. You are my first, last and only true love. How do I know this? How can I make such a sweeping statement? I because of the type of person I am. I feel in love when I met you and its a feeling I can’t even begin to articulate. I am not the kind of girl that can jump around from one guy to the next. I can’t say the thought hasn’t ever crossed my mind but I can say that even if it were possible, it wouldn’t be real. It would just be a robot going through the motions…at the end of day its you has my heart and soul – for this life and every lifetime after this and before (well, you know what I mean).

So I know our relationship was not conventional. If things were different we would have done things in a more decent and proper way. We wouldn’t have been so crazy as to fall in love so fast and move in together so soon. That was probably the first big mistake we made. But then again we had no other option in the circumstances. We were very young and immature (I was for sure) and its easy to look back with 20/20 hindsight and see everything we could have done differently.

You said in one message that there are mistakes we can’t live with and the cheat was too much. But really it was a blip, I know I kept bringing it up with all the emails I was receiving from the Other Women and then her pitching up back here. But that was all my fault, my stupidity and insecurities, me wanting someone else to be hurt for all this that happened and wanting you to fight for me. Stupid, stupid fairy tale stuff, I guess. But if I had any intelligence in my stupid skull, I would have stopped dwelling on things and listened to what Marigold said when he told it was totally possible to move on from this and what happened didn’t undermine the relationship we had already built.He said it was just what happiness when material life gets in the way. He was right. I wish I’d listened. I mean really, really listened and acted on his advice. Gone for hypnosis or whatever and stopped holding a grudge. If I had another chance I would have listened. Really, really I would….

***

no regrets
And there were so many times MR BIG BLUE did make me smile and still does 🙂

Its a really long letter and I still have more to type up. But I am going to stop there and ask for your opinions. Just bear in mind that this was written a long time ago. My perspectives have changed a little since then so I am not blaming myself as much for the failure of our relationship.

Is it normal to have regrets? Can people every truly get over being cheated on, like the Marigold told me? Do you think us rushing into this relationship was a major cause its downfall? Do you think Cinders is naive?

Looking forward to hearing what you have to say on the beginning of my Unfinished Letter to MR BIG BLUE. I hope you figured from the fact that it is unfinished that I never sent it. I won’t send it because now my attitudes have changed. If anything I will write a new one from scratch because my mind was all over the place when I started jotting this down.

 Till next time beautiful people,

LOVE Cinders x o x o

Advertisements

31 thoughts on “Unfinished Letter to MR BIG BLUE – Part 1

  1. I was ready to say yes you are very naive and then you asked…is it normal to have regrets? Yes it is very normal usually after we made a decision that if we had the chance to do over…we would do it differently. As for if someone can get over being cheated on. ..they can although it is harder if you are still with the same person that cheater on you. I guess I missed out on when this relationship started but yes I think you rushed in and didn’t pay attention to the red flags along the way. And yes I do think there is a certain level of being naive which is why someone may not be so easily convinced to let go of what’s his name.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If I am honest I wasn’t an angel in that relationship. I was a spoilt brat at times and I blamed for a lot of my unhappiness of being away from family and friends in a new country, not getting the job I wanted, etc. He took on a lot of stress because of me. But ultimately, there are things I can do different as in changing my behaviour but those things will need to be actioned in another relationship with another person 😦

    Like

      • All I am saying is that I made mistakes in the relationship. It was my first relationship. I acted crazy and spoilt sometimes. So I just want to be a better person when I get into the next relationship…be a better more tolerant and caring person. I think I was very selfish with MR BIG BLUE.

        Like

      • OK. I’ve added it to my list of future blog posts. I was a spoilt brat…I took things MR BIG BLUE did for granted. He tried his best at times and I think I wanted more. I should have focused on everything that was good about him, rather than what wasn’t. Guess its something I will regret.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. He cheated on you and you blame yourself? If you were stressed out, then he should have been the support. He should have been there in happy and bad times both. Why are you blaming yourself?

    Like

    • Hey Pallak,

      He was actually really supportive at the beginning. He supported me both emotionally and financially. I am just admitting that I wasn’t easy to live with. He wasn’t the only party at fault in this relationship. Either way I don’t blame myself for the fact he cheated. If he was more decent, he would have said I was too difficult to live with and ended it before starting something else – but he didn’t.

      Like

    • What now??? This letter was from a little while ago. I am thinking a little more clearly. now. But I am just using the letter to give readers more insight. x

      Like

      • I will post the rest of the letter in a couple of days. I am thinking of possibly changing it up with my post today.

        Like

      • I think this is her way of processing her hurt/loss.. We all have our own way.. I remember years ago I broke up with a guy, but somehow I couldn’t really process it nor talk to anyone about it.. So I wrote him a letter (without sending it). Sounds silly but helped me cope 🙂

        I have never been cheated on before (though an ex of mine fell in love with someone while we were together, he swore he didn’t cheat on me).. I do believe people cheat for a reason: bad relationship, not ready for commitment, reason to break up etc. If he cheated on you before he there is a chance he will again (or not, but you will always think he
        might cheat)

        Liked by 2 people

      • Yep. I agree. Its pretty hard to get over being cheated on. It takes a better person than me. After the Other Women incident, I was constantly looking over my shoulder. But the problem was I was looking at all the women thinking they were after my man, instead of looking at him as the common denominator. 😦

        Like

  4. I see a lot of co-dependency here. It seems that you complete your life based on what other people respond. See if you can turn it around the other way at some point – be the leader of your life

    Like

    • What do you mean co=dependency ? I was too dependent on him or we were dependent on each other? Yes, I agree I wanted to impress him.

      Right now I am focusing on me. Doing all the things I love and spending time with people who make me happy. I think thats a step in the right direction. Right?

      Like

      • Co-dependency means a person who relies a lot on others to fulfill his or her life. You may see yourself following this pattern in almost all other relationships. The fact that you ask readers a lot about whether you took the right steps, your writing makes sense, ask their opinion, etc also exhibits co-dependency.

        You can google the word to know more but it is almost like you need the approval and appreciation of others to feel good within. Usually comes from a certain kind of upbringing from caregivers / parents.

        Liked by 1 person

      • …Yep I agree I looked for a lot of approval for MR BIG BLUE and I do like having people around me and like them to like me.

        Part of the reason Crazy Cat Lady is upset with me is that she says if someone is mean to you, you need to fight back. But me, I think in most cases you need to look at the bigger picture and let things slide/brush it off, if you want to keep friends/acquaintances. I tend to value ppl and their views on me, rather than taking the moral high ground for no reason.

        xx

        Liked by 1 person

      • Wonderful how honest you can be with yourself. IT is a great and rare skill! Pat yourself for it.

        Self-awareness biggest step to liberation from emotional dramas or lows of life. In any situation involving another person, very good or very bad, focus on yourself more and keep the other person’s thoughts and auras from overshadowing you… comes with practice but just telling your mind – “I want to make this change” will start to bring it.

        https://mystyrimz.wordpress.com/

        Like

      • Yeh thats something I’ve learnt a lot about recently. Being more self-reflective. Asking what I did to cause this situation rather than always looking for external causes. x

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s