Unfinished Letter to MR BIG BLUE – Part 2

Lets just cut to the chase shall we ? It start of my letter to MR BIG BLUE looked like this. Here is the second part …

letter writing
And Cinders is still busy writing ….

***

Well now for her (the Divorcee), if she is who I think she is. I don’t want to be bitchy. I guess to need to offer her a degree of respect as she is clearly someone more spiritually advanced than me and from what I gather more materially sound than me too. But I can be anything I want to be and more. Let’s start with the material stuff, you said it doesn’t matter anyway and that it is only useful if it can bring us closer to Krishna anyway, but it seems now it does. I guess I am materialistic in that I value my job and looking for material things, like a house and car, to make things to make more stable for myself and us. I know she has more to offer you in that. But I have something money can’t buy and that is LOVE.

I was brought up by the two most amazing parents and they taught me how to love whole-heartedly. They make me believe that there are good relationships in this world. They don’t have so much stuff but are the type of people that would give you the shirt of their back and you know that more than anyone. I wished one day I could have that kind of love with you as well. Anyway getting to the point I know the Divorcee has a nice car and a massive house and maybe I am lagging a little but I have such amazing support in my life that I really don’t need any of that kind of stuff anyway. All I really need are people around me that love me. I’d give up everything for them and for you because you are also someone I love.

I know I can’t compete with the Divorcee when it comes to spiritual advancement and that’s probably my major disadvantage. But you are stupid if you cannot see how far I have come. I know it didn’t come naturally to me and I was a bit slow on the uptake. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I doubted you at the beginning and that I acted all crazy BUT the fact is that this was over 2 years ago now. I am not the same person and I never will be. You know I’ve changed and you know that things changed during Kartik – that was my turning point. Us lighting lamps together in the tent at one of the most beautiful places on earth with our little Krishna deity was incredible and you can’t deny it. I just wish you could see we were getting there. Slowly but surely we were. Don’t you see that something that develops over time and with thought can be real and it can be beautiful too….

***

comparison is the theif of joy
Maybe Mr President has a point ?

So that’s the second excerpt from the unfinished letter that I started writing when I was really struggling. Obviously, those of you who have been reading the blog know that my feelings have hardened a little since the time I wrote this. I know this part of the letter sounds pretty desperate…but understand that at the time I wrote it I was hurting pretty badly. Over to you beautiful people now…

Do you think that its normal to wonder why you got replaced by some other girlfriend/fling? How important to you think material wealth is in a relationship? Do you think its idealistic to say that love conquers all or do people find those that can provide for them and spoil them more attractive? How important do you think someones family background is on their capacity to love?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

Lots of LOVE my beauties.

Cinders x o x o

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16 thoughts on “Unfinished Letter to MR BIG BLUE – Part 2

  1. It’s natural to wonder why you are replaced.. But only if he went out with that person right after ending the relationship.. If you still have feelings for the person

    Honestly if now I found out one of my exes is involved with a person, I don’t find myself wondering what is it that makes her more special than me..

    I think it’s rather naive to say love conquers all.. Because it takes a lot more to make things work.. Don’t get me wrong. Love is a good basis for a relationship but we also need time and effort etc.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah. Although the Divorcee stuff hasn’t been confirmed 100%. I still wonder why she was so much better than me…still if it is even true, I don’t think something based on a lie can ever work out. Thats why I guess things with the Other Women didn’t either… also based on huge huge lies.

      OK time and effort I understand…even with LOVE those things are necessary. But what about material stability ? Is a relationship where the two people are equals or financially stable more likely to survive than one where one party is working and the other is lazy or where they are super poor? Does money and material things also impact on the success of a relationship?

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  2. In your case it really isn’t about what Divorcee was better at than you. In fact you shouldn’t have lowered yourself to even compare you to her. At one time he thought you had plenty to offer to him, enough to keep his interest for a while. When you know what you bring to a relationship you should never doubt it is lower than someone else or say what does she have that I don’t. Is it naïve to say love conquers all?? Not to a hopeless romantic. Material wealth shouldn’t be the driving force of a relationship or the under current of one but it is important to a point having somewhere to live is important reliable transportation (Car) is important having a stable job in this ecomony is very important …these are a means to an end but shouldn’t be the basis for any meaningful relationship.

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    • I know I shouldn’t compare myself but I do. Its terrible. I guess I just need to feel that he made a mistake giving up on me and I need reassurance that he didn’t deserve me (which I know). I guess I was sad because at one time he made me feel like the most perfect girl in the world, now not so much. Obviously I was easily replaceable.

      MR BIG BLUE is a little hypocritical. He pretends he is not into material things and not bothered about getting a job (because Krishna will provide for him). BUT the truth he is just pure lazy. I wouldn’t let him be in our relationship. I kept encouraging him to try and find a job so we could at least enjoy a decent standard of living together. However, he always used to make comments about the Divorcee…how she bought her ex-hubby a motorbike, how she supported him being a house husband, how she bought an expensive house, etc. I always felt he was comparing me to others all the time…I guess that should have been a red flag.

      I think LOVE needs to be the basis for a relationship and material things shouldn’t really matter. However I think you both need to have the same attitude towards material things. Its going to be hard if one person is driven by wealth and expensive while the other is happy with simple things and doesn’t really want to strive for more.

      My folks started out with nothing. However, the wanted more…they both wanted the nice house, car, etc. So they both worked hard for it TOGETHER. They’ve helped each other through the poorer times but it wasn’t as if one worked hard while the other watched TV.

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  3. You made a valid point about Mr Big Blue…Lazy…and his religion gave him the out to continue to be lazy. There were many red flags that he was flashing at you …that was one. And yes he was comparing you but…it’s his loss. Plain and simple. One thing that I notice with him is his attention span…let’s see how long his attention span last else where. He sees the flashy shinny nickel instead of r the more valuable smaller in size but not in value dime.

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    • I like the way you put it. One of the things I thought about our relationship after the whole Other Women incident (my mistake for thinking this) was that it was like an old antique, damaged and tatty but still something more valuable than something new and shiny. But I guess he saw things a little differently.

      I know my thoughts are idealistic. But I guess the reality is that I also need to go out there and look for something new as well. 🙂

      Thanks again for your encouraging words. 🙂

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      • You can fool a child with a shinny nickel until they learn the value of the dime. He hasn’t learn that yet, but you are ahead of the curve on this one so consider yourself now more realistic having gone through this experience.

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      • You are so kind Sir 🙂 Let me keep trying, processing all this nonsense and then moving forward 🙂 Till I find my Prince Charming 🙂

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  4. Hare Krishna men do not put any real value on love. They think it is ‘maya’ and takes them away from their spiritual advancement, yet they are tortured by their natural need for love. Really not a good place to look for a suitable love partner.

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  5. I wasn’t really looking for LOVE in HK movement. I met him when he wasn’t so involved in the movement….then he became more fanatical which was the problem. Its actually the women I also have an issue with. They all pretend to be totally innocent and decent, but they are no different to those women in short skirts dancing all sexy in the club.

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    • hmmm…I guess thats the case with most religions as well. Ppl trying to deny they want sex (normal, everyday kinda wholesome sex) but denying this basic need means they end up doing worse things….multiple sex partners, porn movies (the Other Women sent MR BIG BLUE pornographic pictures of herself), polygamy, etc, etc. Why not just tow the middle ground and be somewhat normal ??

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