Lets just cut to the chase shall we ? It start of my letter to MR BIG BLUE looked like this. Here is the second part …
Well now for her (the Divorcee), if she is who I think she is. I don’t want to be bitchy. I guess to need to offer her a degree of respect as she is clearly someone more spiritually advanced than me and from what I gather more materially sound than me too. But I can be anything I want to be and more. Let’s start with the material stuff, you said it doesn’t matter anyway and that it is only useful if it can bring us closer to Krishna anyway, but it seems now it does. I guess I am materialistic in that I value my job and looking for material things, like a house and car, to make things to make more stable for myself and us. I know she has more to offer you in that. But I have something money can’t buy and that is LOVE.
I was brought up by the two most amazing parents and they taught me how to love whole-heartedly. They make me believe that there are good relationships in this world. They don’t have so much stuff but are the type of people that would give you the shirt of their back and you know that more than anyone. I wished one day I could have that kind of love with you as well. Anyway getting to the point I know the Divorcee has a nice car and a massive house and maybe I am lagging a little but I have such amazing support in my life that I really don’t need any of that kind of stuff anyway. All I really need are people around me that love me. I’d give up everything for them and for you because you are also someone I love.
I know I can’t compete with the Divorcee when it comes to spiritual advancement and that’s probably my major disadvantage. But you are stupid if you cannot see how far I have come. I know it didn’t come naturally to me and I was a bit slow on the uptake. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I doubted you at the beginning and that I acted all crazy BUT the fact is that this was over 2 years ago now. I am not the same person and I never will be. You know I’ve changed and you know that things changed during Kartik – that was my turning point. Us lighting lamps together in the tent at one of the most beautiful places on earth with our little Krishna deity was incredible and you can’t deny it. I just wish you could see we were getting there. Slowly but surely we were. Don’t you see that something that develops over time and with thought can be real and it can be beautiful too….
So that’s the second excerpt from the unfinished letter that I started writing when I was really struggling. Obviously, those of you who have been reading the blog know that my feelings have hardened a little since the time I wrote this. I know this part of the letter sounds pretty desperate…but understand that at the time I wrote it I was hurting pretty badly. Over to you beautiful people now…
Do you think that its normal to wonder why you got replaced by some other girlfriend/fling? How important to you think material wealth is in a relationship? Do you think its idealistic to say that love conquers all or do people find those that can provide for them and spoil them more attractive? How important do you think someones family background is on their capacity to love?
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
Lots of LOVE my beauties.
Cinders x o x o