The Sounds of Heartbreak – A Mother’s Love

So for a long time readers of this blog have been telling me to come clean to my family and friends about the Mr BIG BLUE situation and to stop protecting him. Yesterday, I took the first step.

MR BIG BLUE’S Mum contacted me as she had received some messages from him saying that he was struggling and needed help and unconditional love from his family. Hearing those messages broke my heart because he did have unconditional love from me but he was willing to give that up for the Divorcee, a more lavish lifestyle with a cookie-cutter Hare Krishna girl.

His mum was asking me what was going on and when I’d last seen him. I finally buckled. I just opened up to her. I told her things weren’t so good. I said that I saw him on Monday and we talked and I couldn’t figure out what was going on with him. I told her that as far as I knew he wasn’t living at the Hare Krishna temple anymore but nobody knew where he was. I explained that he had been cagey and she agreed he was acting out of character.

secret sharing

She kept asking me questions about how he got the money to go to India (he hasn’t been working for over two years now). She asked me why he came back so soon (nobody really knows but I am sure the Divorcee had something to do with it). I didn’t have the answers she was looking for… I wanted her help and I couldn’t keep the information to myself anymore. So I told her.

I told her I had my suspicions about him being involved with someone else and that there were rumours going around at the temple. I told her I had a inclining about who it was. I provided her with a name, age, religious inclination (oh and I provided her with the small token bitchy bit of information that the divorcee was one of those girls who were married and divorced by the age of 32 😉 ). I told her I hadn’t got any concrete evidence yet but my gut was telling me something. I explained how MR BIG BLUE had lied on the Bhagavad-Gita about him and I just being good friends. And how he had portrayed me to people at the temple as a crazed ex-girlfriend who couldn’t get over him (for 2 years). I also told her about the Other Women.

She was angry. She told me that I shouldn’t let him manipulate. She phoned him and asked him straight what was going on. He was still cagey with her. Then she asked him how things were going with me and he replied we were really great friends as always. This made her crazy mad. She told me she was hurt because she’d thought they had trained him better than this and she was upset at the way he’d treated me. Hearing her say this broke my heart. I told her not to blame herself for any of this and that the reason I fell in love with MR BIG BLUE was because he was brought up to be a gentleman. I said that if I blamed anyone for this change in his behaviour it would be the Hare Krishna’s and not his folks. She said that as far as his father and she were concerned I had always been the right one for their son and that they saw that while he did try and manipulate me at times, they knew I was strong and independent enough to handle him. She said that he was the loser in all of this and that his family would be there for me if ever I needed anything.

Seeing his Mother so upset broke my heart. Knowing that she was such a good person that she’d protect me over her own son meant the world to me. She is truly amazing and I will love her forever for being the first person who shared this burden with me. I cried myself to sleep last night.

Breakup Family
Does he have a point?

So over to y’all now… Do you think it was a step forward that I told someone what had truly happened? Or have I just served to hurt another innocent person? How important is family approval to the success of a relationship? Have I possibly ruined the chances of the Divorcee being welcomed into this amazing family (where she does not deserve to be in my humble opinion)? What do you do when a relationship and break-up goes beyond just two people? How do you say goodbye to a family that you have grown to love and still care about?

As usual I really do need your thoughts and good vibes right now, more than ever. Please comment and offer your much-needed pearls of wisdom. You will make my day.

Till a better day (hopefully).

LOVE Cinders x o x o

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13 thoughts on “The Sounds of Heartbreak – A Mother’s Love

  1. Unless I missed it at the beginning, I was under the impression this was about you sharing all of this with your family. Not his. Have you shared any of this with your own family …mother father? OK what I will say next is going to hurt like a band aid ripping off a scab. But MBB needs to grow a set. Seriously whinning about his struggles that he needs his mommy to hold his hand is crazy. He was cagey with his mom tells you to run run run as far away as possible from him. You can not take in his issues as your own. You can’t save him from himself. He is not an honest person. Because he isn’t honest with himself. I am talking from experience. Break ups are hard on families as collateral damage especially longterm relationships like a 30 yr marriage. I was close with many of my in laws when I was married. Some even told me they liked me over others who married in to their family. Some stopped talking to me. Some will possibly never talk to me again. But I only have myself to blame for the way I ended my marriage. I know MBB mother was heartbroken for his behavior but realize he is accountable for his conduct and needs to growup. It is not your job or your place to raise him or hold his hand and say you poor thing I am here for you while you treat me bad. It’s not healthy for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know I need to tell my family but this is also my family and someone who figured that things were seriously wrong. Baby steps I think. I know I need to stop worrying but I do.

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      • No need to put off what you know you need to do. Which is tell your own family what has been Goin on in your life. It’s only fair. You have spent too much time and effort worrying about MBB and how his world spins in the meantime you lost yourself. You’re loyalty to him while admirable is misguided. The time is now to shed the baby steps and go do what you really need to do and stop procrastinating.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Yup I get where you are coming from. Its a big weekend. I am only accepting now that it is well and truly over…maybe it was clear to everyone else a long time ago but for me things only become 110% clear yesterday. I will right more about it in a post tomorrow. Now that I’ve stopped fighting for him, maybe I can let go a bit of my misguided loyalty and then I can get onto telling ppl so I can get the support I need. Right now I am muddling my way through a bit a of a battlefield.

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  2. You just became too involved again. These are not your problems, they are his. He is the one who should be telling his parents what they want to know…not you. This was his story to tell, if he chose to do so. Your relationship is over, you have to accept that or you will never begin to heal. He let you go….keep your dignity and walk away from all this nonsense. I have been there….it is not healthy. You really do have to stop.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I accept that it’s over well and truly. But I have been ignoring her for months … she was hurt by that. She asked me why I was pushing her away. I told her many times to ask him straight but he was being cagey. In the end I told her what I knew. I am sorry if that makes me a bad person. But they are not just his family anymore I consider them mine as well.

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  3. I never said you were a bad person. You asked for thoughts and I gave you mine, as I always do. I just think you are in way over your head in all this…and it is hurting you way too much. It is prolonging your suffering thus prolonging your healing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am hurt but so are other ppl. Maybe it seems like I told her to spite him. Mayb it was selfish but I needed to speak about it and it finally felt good for someone real to support me and share my worry. In a way it was me passing him bk to someone I know who cares.

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      • I think your family should be your place to go, not his. Unfortunately, after a break up it is very hard to maintain a relationship with an ex’s family. There are some exceptions, but very few work out. Eventually you would have to deal with a “new” person entering the family and most likely neither you, or the ‘new” person would handle that well. If you feel better speaking with her now, that is fine, but do not use her as a source of information or let her continue to take you down a road that doesn’t lead anywhere. Take your emotion out of it, and try and see what people here are trying to tell you. There is good advice coming in for you, but many times you answer to defend yourself. That is human nature and it is OK, but at least try to think about what is being said to you. Many people who post for you have been in your shoes and are giving you sometimes very personal insight , to help you. I hope this does not come across as harsh, it is not meant to.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Some of the messages do come across as harsh but I know you all only mean well.It is all good information and I want to draw on all your experiences and that is why I ask you all for your input. It may not seem like I listen much or maybe I sound like a broken record but I am trying…and I am being forced to make progress…whether I like it or not.

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