The Games We Play

Now I remember why I don’t like the dating game. It’s just that. A big fat GAME. It’s about who is more interested in the other party and who can play it cool. And if I like someone I have no patience. I just want to see progress. I hate stop/starts. It messes with my head. It makes me all nervous and anxious.

So since my first ‘post-MR BIG BLUE’ date went so well I thought it wasn’t so much to wish for a second date…but then why is J-SWIPE not coming to the party? Hmmm…It’s very strange. He has quite happily been messaging me and saying he had fun on the first date but no mention of meeting again. I had fun too so I thought maybe we’d do it again. I don’t want to wait too long.

Part of my craziness comes from hanging out too much with my buddy Tatyana. She has had a head start on this who dating/Tinder game because while I was pining over MR BIG BLUE she was making progress in the world of swiping left and right. Good for her and all but she has thing of getting all worked up when a guy won’t commit to an arrangement or be more forthcoming as she would like. Before, I used to tell her to calm down and that it was perfectly reasonable for someone to talk their time to reply to a message because they were busy with work, life, other stuff, etc.

Texting-Agony
Agonizingly waiting for his messages…is it always part of the game?

However, now that the glass slipper is on the other foot things are not as easy and I am beginning to see where she is coming from. I think part of me thinking she was crazy for getting all worked up over these guys was because I was in ‘a relationship’ or at least something where I knew that eventually MR BIG BLUE would reply (Another red flag which I can see with hindsight is that around the times his messaging patterns changed that things between him and the Divorcee would have started taking off).

But now that I’m a free agent I am starting to experience what Tatyana goes through with each and everyone of these Tinder guys that she falls for (which is quite a few). Its like JSWIPE is interested enough to flirt and chat with me but not quite enough to set up this second date. Part of me thinks he was just after one thing and he didn’t get it so he wants to keep me in the back pocket. Who knows? Maybe I am being a bit negative and should just wait a little and give him the benefit of the doubt.

OK over to you now guys and girls. Do you think I am crazy to get all worked up about not yet getting a second date? Do you think it looks like J-Swipe is playing vulnerable little Cinders? Is it only girls that get this kinda anxiety at the start of something? Or do guys also spend way to much time wondering about dates, etc? Do you think I let the first date go too far both physically and conversationally by being too much of an open book? And the million dollar question…how things Cinders is going to get a second date? Oh and do you have any good tips on how to play the dating game?

Please send me all the good vibes in the world…I need this fun in my life right now.

Love

Cinders x o x o

P.S. On a side not Dr Sparkle is also going on a date on Saturday. I don’t know how I feel about this.

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41 thoughts on “The Games We Play

  1. It’s ok to let yourself go a little.. I have the same thing and yes, it could send out a wrong message. Don’t worry though.. You go enjoy yourself in the dating world! We wont judge you 🙂 it’s good to have fun and go with the flow!

    But… If you’re both really into each other, and it feels right, then it’s all okay.

    Anyway.. Yes the dating game.. Isn’t it wonderful.. You can also make a bold move and ask him on a second date. If he says no or is vague about it, then you know the answer. Just ask if he wants to go for drinks again or even coffee during the day. Maybe that’s the safer option.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ok….so I have a funny story to tell. I will write about it tomorrow maybe. It’s quite crazy really. But I told him I have to tell him this story and maybe we should do it over a drink. That’s my bold move made….The ball is now in his court so let’s see how he handles it.

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  2. It happens to guys too, you don’t have the market corned for waiting …waiting …waiting. Actually I had made a date with a very attractive woman once we agreed on the time and place but at the last minute something came up…I called to explain so we could reschedule. She never answered the phone…I left a message …she never called back. Never heard from her again. That is not to say that this is you or is happening to you but I would be bold and ask for a second date and thi time pay attention to the answer.

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    • So…Now here’s the dilemma. I did ask for a second date….Theres a strange small world story that I am just about to blog about… I messaged him last night saying : ‘So I have a very very funny small world. Tell you over a glass of wine this weekend ?’. I don’t get how all these whatsapp games work but I sent my message at around 9pm…he replied at about 1145pm saying hi. I assume he wanted to get into a whatsapp convo but I was fast asleep by that time … so all I have is a ‘Hi’. No answer to my sneaky second date conversation. Now how do I go from there…

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      • Why try to be cute and sneakly ask for a second date ?? Why not just do the direct approach…Hi I had a great time with you , I would like to know if you would be interested in a second date? See how simple and direct to the pint that is? No games no guessing no trying to be coy…it force a person to show their intentions.

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      • Gosh !! Maybe that is a little to direct. I dunno.

        I just thought if I was cutesy it would be more endearing. Let me just see if any conversation flows today and if not I will ask him straight out. No biggie.

        I am so out of the loop on how to play these things though. Half a decade stuck with MR BIG BLUE and I’ve lost my game 😉 Its fun getting back into it though.

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      • I was married for over 30 years and was completely out of the loop so I know what you mean but…you feel it’s alittle too direct??? Being cutesy for many goes over their heads and more often than not ppl misread cutesy and with guys who play games a bat over the head wakes them up in a hurry. Maybe because I am older I went for the direct approach, because I had no time for games…If I like you then I say so and leave no mystery about how I feel, my fianace’ liked the direct approach and wasn’t put off by it at all. She knew I wasn’t going to play games. Games are for boys relationships are for grown ups. Think about it.

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      • I know I need to stop talking about him but with MBB I did use the direct approach. I was on holiday when I met him. After a week of hanging out I told him straight : ‘I really like you and don’t want this to be just a holiday romance so if you want something casual rather let me go now’…it sort of worked in that case. But remember now the situation is different. I don’t know if I want a relationship or anything serious…all I am saying is that a second date would be nice 🙂

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      • you won’t get if you don’t ask…don’t over think the simple if you want a second date just ask for a second date …the worse thing will be the answer …NO. And yes MBB is now a played out memory you need to let go of.

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      • Totally letting go. That is why a second date would really help 🙂 But maybe saying that to JSWIPE won’t go too well ? Hehe!

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      • Keep looking just in case Jswipe isn’t what you want. Second date alone isn’t going to get you to let go of…well you know…but time will. As for JSwipe he isn’t the only Fish in the water keep fishing ….

        Liked by 1 person

      • Jswipe isn’t what I want long-term I don’t think. But I think he is the sort of thing I need right now. Someone who is fun without too much drama.

        And as for fishing. I am waiting for someone to confirm a date for Saturday night and I have another one already set up for Sunday. Aren’t you impressed?

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      • So if he isn’t what you want for long term then why worry about him not asking for a second date, which is what got you to write the entry in the first place? I am looking forward to hear how your weekend turned out . Impressed??? the question should be are you impressed with yourself after being in a ltr then all of a sudden be a busy woman with a social calendar?

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      • i guess I want the second date because a) the first date was really fun, even just the conversation was amazing and I really did lose track of time and b) its always nice to feel wanted.

        I don’t know whether I would say I am impressed but its nice to have a little bit more fun and be young again. I think the relationship with MBB forced me to grow up at a rate I didn’t really want to. Now I am rediscovering the fun-loving young lady I once was 🙂

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      • Ok I could see that … but don’t forget what I said befire about answers ….we ask questions then when we get answers we choose to ignore them because we don’t like the answers before us. Just something to think about with Jswipe and a second date.

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      • I think he see you as …easy…you kissed on the first date and left no doubt you liked him but you said it yourself he is playing a game and it’s not serious to him …so no he doesn’t like you like you like him …

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      • True true. I think partly the reason I am so attracted him is that he is the opposite of MBB in many ways. MBB was my equal in terms of our ages, JSWIPE is much older. Its nice to date an older guy…he kinda takes charge. Then he is super clever, hence the reason the convo flowed so easily. I am not half as clever as he is, but he is interested in more intellectual things like I am…politics, philosophy, history…whereas MBB was more into movies, music, gossip…more light-hearted stuff really. I think if I take one thing from this date is that intelligence is going to have to be a must for me in a future partner.

        On the flip side, I have realised I have a type. JSWIPE is quite like a older version of MBB in the looks department. Both are very good looking. Whats worse, they were both good looking and know about it, which means they know exactly the power they hold over me.

        Hmm…always interesting to analyse these things 🙂

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      • Interesting you said he is older. Older tend to be more slower (Pateint0 when it comes to certain things. He may think no rush she likes me I got time. But I still think in either case he needed to let you know what his intentions are for a second date. …No games no drama

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh…maybe when you put it that way. And he is keeping the convo going to some extent….lets see.

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      • But why does he talk at all?

        If he isn’t keen why is messaging everyday? chatting nonsense but not asking for a second date 😦

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      • But maybe he is thinking along the same lines as me. I know that right now the next person I date won’t get the best of me…so there is no way I would want to be with Dr Sparkle right now. I need a bit of time to get myself into a better space before I approach anything real.

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      • before date 1 ended arrangement would have been made by both of you for date 2 and every conversation you both had from that point on would have been about date 2 . get the point now?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thats what Tatyana said 😦 You guys are right. Dr Sparkle says I need to BLOCK Jswipe but I think thats a bit harsh. I will keep him in the background and move on with this dating game… 🙂

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      • Its funny that Dr Sparkle said block him , I wonder if there is twinge of jealously there with Dr Sparkle? When I first started dating my fiance’ our first date flowed and we ha a great time but before we parted I asked her straight out for a second date and she said yes, no games no drama , Our conversation right after were about the second date and what we would like to do and where we would like to go.

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      • I still like Dr Sparkle A LOT so if there is a twinge of jealousy then its all good as far as I am concerned. However, I realise right now isn’t the right time for either of us to be together. We’ve both come out of really complicated and horrible relationships and I don’t really want him to be with me till MR BIG BLUE is completely out of my system. I don’t want Dr Sparkle to be my rebound guy because I actually do care a lot about him as a person and I value his friendship. If further down the line we do pursue something, I’d like him to have me at my best…Do you get me?

        Awww. I like your story 🙂 Maybe when I do finally meet the right guy it will be as straightforward – no anxiety, no games.

        But remember what the Oracle said…I won’t be meeting the man I marry for another 4 years so the way I see it I am gonna have to have a few fun light-hearted encounters before I get there.

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      • Oracle might not be right about time, since time is something we can’t always tell about. Don’t waste time blowing away too many men one of them maybe the one…

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      • I get what you are saying! I honestly hope I don’t need to be waiting 4 years to meet the man I marry. I don’t planning on meeting the one so soon after MBB though. So I will just keep swimming for now.

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      • Well that would be nice. Apparently, it takes half the time you were in a relationship to get over that relationship…so for me it looks like 2.25 years is about good. Hope MR PERFECT will fit into the picture sometime around then 🙂

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      • One observation about you…you fall ofr someone very easy and very quickly… you want to be liked and want very much to like every man that crosses your path. I get it because I am the same way but one thing I do realize that not everyone was or is deserving of my friendship so becareful with Dr Sparkle.

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      • Huh ??? Careful of Dr Sparkle ?? Why??

        I get it if you said JSwipe but Dr Sparkle is just my friend. I like him. But right now I know it wouldn’t work for either of us.

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      • But its fine. Maybe he is worried. Or Maybe he doesn’t like me, I don’t know. But a little bit of jealousy can be flattering 😉

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  3. I don’t know what has transpired since this conversation ended. How much older is he?? Try to have fun with the dating process and do not over think things. Don’t jump into things head first…you are trying too hard. Just slow the thought process down….relax and have fun!!

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    • He is 15 years older than me 🙂 Yep having fun but its also very frustrating. For instance one guy was meant to meet me tonight and we agreed to the date but yet he hasn’t been in touch to set a time or place. I am calling it quits with that one. Plenty more fish in the Tinder Sea. I have no time for time-wasters !!!

      Liked by 1 person

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