A Second Date of Convenience?

Yay! After all my pining I did get my second date with JSWIPE!

I would be raving more but thanks to a debrief with Tatyana and Dr Sparkle … I’m not so ecstatic anymore.

OK let’s rewind to Saturday. I had a provisional Tinder date planned with this guy called Big Head that I’d been chatting too. He had said he’d confirm where to meet on Saturday morning but that came and went but there was no arrangement made. This was pretty annoying because right now I’m trying my best to keep busy and I don’t particularly like having empty evenings and if I knew he wasn’t going to bother I would have made some alternative plans.

Anyway, so in the end I decided to meet a friend for lunch and chat and then afterwards I spent the afternoon/early evening sitting in a café with my computer. During this whole time I’d been messaging JSWIPE and telling him what I was up to and I ended up mentioning that I was hanging out at a café in his neck of the woods. He then suggested maybe he could come and join me. I was sort of at a loose end so I thought why not.

He came and met me and then we decided to go for dinner. The restaurant was very nice. A pretty romantic spot – it was nice sitting outside surrounded by twinkly lights. The conversation was great again. We talked about everything from his furniture shopping issues and my new house to my future career plans and the time he spent working overseas. It was actually really good to talk about something meaningful and being around someone who is really passionate about what they do has really made me think about making some drastic career changes and possibly going back to studying. He was very encouraging about that and gave me lots of advice on how to progress.

JSWIPE made no moves during the dinner, so I was starting to think he wasn’t interested in me on any other level than good conversation (and to be honest I would have probably been OK with that because it’s quite rare for me to find someone who I can chat to for hours and lose track of time). Even walking back to his car, there was nothing which was a bit disappointing because I would have loved to kiss under all the twinkly lights (Cinders is a cliché I know).

It was not until he drove me back to my car and we were saying goodbye was it that he kissed me. And yes he does kiss well. We decided the night was still young and he suggested going to get some more wine and taking me for a tour of his work place. It’s located in this old historic building with pretty views of the city, so I was all like yay. (Yes, I know I have been warned about going to secluded places with strange men – but I gave into my sense of adventure and went with it.) It was a lot of fun…he took me back to his office and we discussed philosophy (yes, really) and listened to jazz till like 1 am when we decided we should head home (to our respective apartments).

Sneaking into old buildings can be fun - after all we only live once, right?
Sneaking into old buildings can be fun – after all we only live once, right?

Oh but here’s the embarrassing bit…after he’d taken me back to my car and we’d said our goodbyes. I was so smitten and caught up in the moment that I drove away without my lights on. JSWIPE had to chase me down the highway … beeping to get my attention (because I had music on) to get my to put them on. (See he is not all bad, right?)

Sounds like a pretty good date right? Maybe he is not the ‘one’ but he is rather entertaining and I have fun with him.

Anyway, those were my thoughts on it till I met up with Tatyana and Dr Sparkle. Tatyana was quite excited at first and she could relate to my love of adventure. But Dr Sparkle was totally cynical…saying that the date wasn’t all that and the restaurant that we’d been too was overrated. Talking about putting a dampener on things. Then both Tatyana and him ganged up me and said that I shouldn’t have agreed to going on the date at such a late stage. They said that it was only a date of convenience and if I hadn’t happened to be in the area JSWIPE wouldn’t have bothered to make any effort with me. I left that debrief feeling a bit glum.

Do you agree with them? Do you think I was acting too eager by agreeing to a last minute date? Was It just a date of convenience? Do you think I am crazy for following my sense of adventure with JSWIPE rather than being more sensible? Does this sound like it could be a bit of a rebound relationship? Is it OK to carry on with a guy that you are attracted to but know deep down things wouldn’t work out with? And what’s with Dr Sparkle being the voice of cynicism?

Love all your comments and advice. I am generally feeling a bit more optimistic about life now.

LOVE

Cinders x o x o

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29 thoughts on “A Second Date of Convenience?

  1. Wow… when do I begin? Ok…I agree it was a date of convience. If you had not been in the area yes he wouldn’t have given you the time of day. I think he is interested only if you put out. He hasn’t taken the initiative towards you. Why? And again why do you insist on going to isolated place with men you really don’t know…the beach for one example and now his supposed work place for two. I know you are a romantic at heart so much to the extend that even when the situation screams run you stay and think it is an adventure. Don’t let your heart write checks your body and soul can’t cash. As for Dr Sparkle if he isn’t willing to step up and say he is interested in you then he needs to hush. The jealously is screaming I like you date me but I don’t have the chops to ask you out. Again be cautious like serpents and in nonce like doves.

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    • Oh dear! I knew you were gonna have a go at me.

      JSWIPE and I chat everyday…but I don’t get why he didn’t ask me out properly on a second date. But when he did we had a good time. I’ve made it clear to him that I won’t put out until I am really comfortable with a guy.

      But don’t you see that he is fun. I know I am on the rebound…but the adventures and fun I have with JSWIPE make this whole situation a little easier.

      Yeah Dr Sparkle is being spineless. If he wants to be with me then he needs to make a move instead of bitching at the fact that I’m meeting other people.

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      • Please please please think about the situation you put yourself in when you are in private with someone you really don’t know. Yes you speak or text everyday but you know as well I do that once alcohol enters the picture a person will act out their true feelings, you were alone having wine what’s to say you would be able to fend for yourself at that point. until you are serious about a relationship all dates should be in public so you can test the person’s intentions. No matter how much fun they are.He didn’t ask for a proper date because he isn’t that kind of guy, he is casual and does things by convience. Going to the beach going to his job site alone is not fun not adventeous but dangerous. I can not stress this enough. I say this to my daughter and I say this to any and all women.

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      • OK. But I am a big girl and yeah he may not have the best intentions but he really can’t do anything I wouldn’t want him too. And honestly to be fair to him he hasn’t pushed the boundaries beyond what I’ve wanted. And the fact is I haven’t ever left feeling bad. He is not someone I could have a real relationship with I don’t think but right now I am on rebound mode and he is only person (out of 5 dates) that has really sparked my interest. And I know it might seem like its very much a physical thing but it isn’t. Both times I have been out with him, I have been totally absorbed in conversation…really valuable conversation, not just the mundane chit-chat you get with some people. Isn’t the fact that I feel inspired to go study again, something positive…he is not all bad, right?

        Liked by 1 person

    • Ooooops. Its always good to get some constructive criticism. I’m sorry. I usually link to past posts so new readers can go back and find out about the characters. It seems I forgot today.

      I hope this doesn’t put you off reading the blog in future.

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  2. To answer the last question first he isn’t bad right? No one is saying he is bad, twice you stated you were isolated alone with JSwipe. Be careful. He may not be bad but if a guy is telling you what I am telling you, should that not give reason to pause and think of the potential for unforeseen trouble? Having fun doesn’t mean we over look the warning signs along the way. Driving a car is fun but there are warning signs that if we ignore them can lead to problems for us later. JSwipe maybe all you say he is…just be aware of the possible trouble being isolated. On line dating whether it’s Tinder or any other dating sites have people who are not all who they seem to be and those things may not always manifest themselves right away. Be careful. Not saying you can’t have fun just be careful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You make good points. I will be more careful. I know its better to be safe than sorry. Risk missing out on a potential adventure instead of making a mistake I’d live to regret.

      I’ve read the stories about dating sites. That is why I always meet my Tinder guys in public places and I always let Tatyana know where I am going and check in with her a number of times during the date to let her know I’m safe and well. I also try to do a little research on the guys before I go and see them (turns out JSWIPE is quite a big shot in his world, he really can’t afford to get into trouble, but yes that is not to say its never happened). But please don’t stress too much, I have taken precautions to be safe…I’m not a totally stupid girl out there looking for love at any cost.

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      • I know there are crazies in all walks of life and not just on the internet but with dating sites I learned not everyone is who they claim to be. One lay claimed she was willing to move all the way from Kansas to be with me on the East Coast and she never met me…. Right away I know she was off her rocker, claimed she was going to move and come live with me, then claimed her daughter would live with the daughter’s dad. That was nuts I know no mother worth their salt would give up their child for a man they NEVER met. I told she’d be crazy if she did that, she insisted that she would …I cut ties with her quick because I knew she was not right. Before I cut ties she claimed her daughter died in a school bus accident…after extensive research it turns out no sucjh accident ever happened and her daughter did not die and …they are both well and alive on Facebook. So my point is you can have great conversations and still never know someone until things happen.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Wow !! That’s hectic. I’ll try and find out a bit more about JSWIPE’s secret life. Although I did ask why a man his age had had no wife ? Quite a cheeky first date question 😉

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      • He basically told me he’d had a couple of long term relationships and there was one that got away…because he was too focused on studying to settle down at that point. So now he is kinda stuck in his 40s with most people he knows having done the whole marriage and kids thing. I think that is fair enough, it happens sometimes.

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      • He travels a lot for work. He stays in a place for a few years and then has to move on, I think he has failed to find a women that was willing to follow him as he pursued a career. As for the one that got away, he said it was religious differences and he said he should have probably just married her and then been willing to compromise. We all have regrets though.

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      • I honestly don’t think he is a bad guy. We’ve spoken about things and it just seems he is a decent person who had a slightly different life path. He obviously has some commitment issues (hence why he never promised another date) but we get along on an intellectual level and are attracted to one another…better than all 4 of the other Tinder dates I’ve been on. I need to blog about those ones as well. Lol

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      • I’m not saying he is a bad guy but he’s not the last guy you are going to date so you already have established a pattern of being isolated so caution is needed with all men when you are dating.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yep. I won’t make a habit of it. I admit part of the reason I went was because I was attracted to him. But I also felt quite at ease and safe. For instance he chased me down the road cos I drove off without my lights on. But I won’t go alone with anyone else.

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  3. Things are still young! While I admit I don’t know the whole story on here, I can say that from reading this blog post, you guys seem to be able to get on well. If you can talk to someone for hours then I’d say you have to be enjoying yourself and that’s a good thing! I don’t think he’s the love em and leave em type from the sounds of it .. but you can never know. Personally he comes across as someone who is invested in keeping his options open and not being tied down. So while I’m not sure he’s forever prince charming material … if you guys have fun together he could be a really great coach pumpkin interlude ride! I think that you should go with your gut instincts but also with the mentality that if he falls off the face of the earth that’s just freeing you up to find someone who can and will devote themselves to you!

    Good luck and lucky dating! 🙂

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    • Hey there.

      Thanks so much for checking my blog and being on Team JSWIPE 🙂 Hehe.

      I’ve also resigned myself to the fact that JSWIPE isn’t my Prince Charming and thats totally OK. I am not ready for my prince just yet…I’ve just come out of a long term relationship which ended weirdly and left me feeling a bit messed up. (If you check out earlier posts you’ll see what happened).

      I like that you describe him as a good ‘coach pumpkin interlude ride’ and I will try to follow your attitude (but I know from the experience of friends that it will be easier said than done).

      Please please please follow my blog and keep commenting. I really appreciate your insights.

      Cinders x o x o

      Liked by 1 person

  4. If you are just having fun, go for it! But like everyone else, be careful out there!

    I think it’s great that you have someone to talk To for hours and have fun with.. Don’t we all love a good kisser anyway? 😉

    And sure, date of convenience or not, at least you had fun! If you’re only looking for that and nothing serious, then don’t overanalyze everything. Take it one date at a time!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good conversation (and a little flirting) followed by a kiss or two is just what I need right now.

      Yup I am not to bothered about it being a date of convenience …. I was convenient for me too 🙂

      I’ll try not to analyse too much…but its Dr Sparkle’s fault !!

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  5. It sounds like a good time. Yes, it was a date of convenience. I think the big question is why he won’t ask for another real date? If you look at it as just having some fun then it is OK, but it seems it does bother you. Friends will always have differences of opinions. One of my best friends hated a guy I was dating. He did not like her either. Made things a bit awkward. She ended up being right..lol. I do agree that you need to be more careful. You don’t really know that much about him. Even some serial killers seemed normal at the beginning. Drastic example, but these things do happen. Try to stay a bit more public in your encounters until you know him better. Try to just have fun with all this and just have some fun…..but be careful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Jackie.

      Yes I think deep down I’d like to be asked out on proper date. But even considering it was a date of convinience…I think the spot where he took me was pretty special. I also think that Dr Sparkle’s comments don’t really help. He wants to criticize the first guy I like, but he himself doesn’t offer much more (to me or to his Tinder dates). I think thats what bothers me more than anything.

      But yes, I will be more careful in future.

      xxx

      Liked by 1 person

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