A Bad Boy with a Spark of Decency

The fact that I’ve been quiet is a sign that I’m living. Maybe living a bit too much, but living all the same.

Since my last update, things have been pretty quiet on the MR BIG BLUE front. Although the Oracle and I had a conversation about my worries on MR BIG BLUE’s suicidal tendencies and he is helping by keeping an eye and also trying to engage with MR BIG BLUE. I think it is helpful to share the burden, its not really fair that I have to deal with these issues when I am trying to get on with my life.

Speaking of getting on with my life, I am trying. I’ve become a serial tinder/OKCupid dater. I’ve dated some real weirdoes (for instance, a guy who told me I looked nothing like my profile photo and it was false advertising) and then some real sweethearts (there was one who was just too innocent, I had to message him after our first date to say I didn’t want anything romantic because I am not in the right space and I just felt I would end up corrupting his innocence, the same way MR BIG BLUE did to me). But at the end of the day internet dating is internet dating and I very much doubt I am going to meet my future husband online. Because ultimately I am looking for a story…an epic adventure and not one that starts ‘Once upon a time I swiped right on Tinder….’

Now onto the main event. Not my finest moment.

So after what everyone said about JSWIPE, I still chatted to him. I’ve decided that while I am a good girl and true romantic at heart, I need to have fun. I need to go out, drink, dance and party the night away (and yes maybe have a fling or two who cares). No one night stands, but I think I could deal with a fling (friends with benefits kinda vibe). Maybe something light-hearted could be fun (or a learning experience if nothing else).

Thursday – a school night, I decided to have some quiet drink with a new friend of mine, Moosey Monroe. So Crazy Moosey Monroe and I started with a couple of glasses of wine at my place, which was nice. With some light-hearted conversation mostly about our dating histories. She is the total opposite of me. Lots of experience but never had anything long-term. Apparently she is a commitment-phone (just like JSWIPE). In fact, he came up a lot in our conversation and Moosey Monroe’s insight was that if I wanted to get his attention, I needed to get his attention. JSWIPE and I had previously chatted and we’d said we might meet up later that night at a local bar where his friend was DJ’ing. So when Moosey Monroe and I went out to our first bar stop (where we had a lot of fun vibing with two random guys). I have to say I had fun with Moosey Monroe as my new wing women. She got me to message JSWIPE telling him she was making me drink tequila shots (which she subsequently got me to do).

tequila
Tequila – Always the Beginning of the End

Anyway, we then moved onto the place we were going to meet JSWIPE. Moosey Monroe was chatting up every guy in sight. JSWIPE hadn’t yet arrived. I decided to explore the quaint little venue. I wondered up some stairs and sat by myself for a bit contemplating life (by this I mean dreaming of JSWIPE). After a while I decided I should go find Moosey Monroe and I was going down to find when I slipped and FELL DOWN THE STAIRS. If that wasn’t bad enough, guess who was at the bottom of the stairs ? None other than JSWIPE. WTF??? He helped me up and dusted me off. I was sooooo embarrassed. Gosh, why did he have to arrive the moment I fell down ??? What the hell?

Anyway, he was SUPER sweet (now you all have to change your opinions of him). He tried to massage my bruised ego and we chatted a bit. Then he said he would drive me home as Moosey Monroe was busy making out with most of the clubs population. On the drive home, I talked even more nonsense. Basically telling him that I wanted to be more like Moosey Monroe (i.e be easy and less of a hopeless romantic good girl) because after all she looked like she was having more fun that I was (in other words, I was trying to subltly tell him I was available for him to have his wicked way with). He was really really sweet and told me I should never become like her, because I am the kind of girl who actually cares about things and that isn’t a bad thing. And get this he dropped me home and made NO MOVES whatsoever. Made sure I was home safe and then drove away.

Is this what I've done with JSWIPE?
Is this what I’ve done with JSWIPE?

I went to sleep so angry and upset. I had waited so long to see him and then all that happened was that I made a complete fool out of myself. I decided he no longer found me attractive after seeing me fall down the stairs and talk so much drivel. But the next morning, I thought about it and realised how good it was that he didn’t take advantage of me when I was in such a state of stupidity (see he has a spark of decency). I think that fact that he didn’t actually makes me like him more.

Now tell me what you have to say. Have you all changed your mind about JSWIPE? Do you think he drove me home and didn’t take things further because he doesn’t find me attractive anymore after my drunken shenanigans? Or do you think he actually realised I was a nice girl who doesn’t deserve to get hurt by a commitment-phobe? And what do you all think of my new friend Moosey Monroe? Bad influence or just who I need to lift my spirits?

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54 thoughts on “A Bad Boy with a Spark of Decency

  1. First welcome back good to have you writing again. Now …please you confuse me do you want a relationship with JSWIPE or not?? You’re mad because he didn’t make a move but you say you don’t want a relationship with him but you flirt with danger with a noted bad boy. There is an expression that goes like this …If you play with fire …you’re going to get burned. It doesn’t mean at that moment but at some point you will. You keep being drawn to the bad boy…there is a reason he is a bad boy and not a hopeless romantic like you. So what is it you really are after? Is it JSwipe ? or is it just to be like Monroe? You’re giving out Mixed signals.

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    • No I would like something light and fluffy with jswipe. Nothing serious. Something that could boost my confidence at least. It’s nice to laugh and have adventures….I like that with him. So yes I was upset cos when he didn’t make a move … I felt like he no longer found me attractive. But still he talks to me.

      Part of me is just a little envious of moose Monroe carefree attitude towards men. She gets lots of attention because she doesn’t care.

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      • OK in a weird way you have something light and fluffy with Jswipe it’s just not anything you can label. Problem is he doesn’t want anything formal …he has never asked you out on a date. And it might be true that he might not find you attractive, that shouldn’t stop you from having confidence in yourself. You do not need him to boost your confidence.

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      • I like light and fluffy. It makes me smile.

        I dunno. We will have to watch this space to see if he finds me attractive. The previous times he was all over me. But this time when I was a ranting drunkard not. I dunno. We will see what the future holds.

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      • Hmmm….Not romantic necessarily. More flirty and fun I would say. I like it. It makes me smile a little.

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      • He’s just teasing you and it isn’t going anywhere …you can do better for fun than burn time with someone who isn’t going anywhere with you…even if you like light fluffy and flirty

        Liked by 1 person

      • But I am not burning time. Its not like I sit around waiting for him to call. I do go out with other guys. JSWIPE and I are never going to be exclusive. But all I am saying is compared to all of those I have dated he is the one I am most attracted so there is no harm keeping him in the background. The odd kiss here and there is not that bad, right?

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      • To answer your question first the odd kiss as you refer it as sends all the wrong signals. Always remember any kind if interaction like that unless there is something really there often gets misinterpertated by who ever has the strongest feeling. Be careful if you want to have fun fine but keep a hands lips off policy so as not to get signals sent out that may cause problems later.
        As for JSwipe being better than the rest of the field…he may be for now but he is a Swipe of convience. He keeps you at arms length meaning he looks at you as one of the guys. He text you like he texts his friends but it you who have him on the brain.

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      • Seriously, with whats just happened and what I am sure will continue happening. I really need a distraction like Jswipe. He really does have a slightly sweet side despite his somewhat jerkishness as well. I need to set aside some time to write the next post then you will understand.

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      • Moose Monroe gets that attention because that is who she is…that isn’t you. But then again what is you? You give out mixed signals. So what are you?

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      • I am a hopeless romantic at heart. But sometimes being a party girl is fun too. I just don’t sleep around as easy as she does. Thats where we differ. But it was fun to go out with her, party and get our flirt on with a couple of guys.

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      • Oh, the MBB story just took another twist. JSWIPE has nothing on MBB. MBB is another level of screwed up.

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      • Yup I know. I have a type. But like my friend Tatyana says I need to hit rock-bottom with JSWIPE before I bounce back. Look, I leave for vacation for two weeks and there is a chance JSWIPE might be moving to another neighbourhood (not too far away, but far enough). Things may fizzle out. I hope not but there is a good chance they will. Regardless, if it ends tomorrow or in a few months…its gonna hurt. But I can’t sit around wondering what if so I am going to let this thing play out for now.

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      • I notice it takes some real convincing you of something especially when it comes to relationships. It was some real arm twisting with MBB before you saw it was time to emotionally let go. I am not saying it is wrong but in does inhibit progress in all the places that you may want to go at times.

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      • You are right. When I get my heart set on someone or something its hard to convince me otherwise. Sorry for being so stubborn.

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      • I like your blog and it seems you know a lot about what you write on. But I have to admit I am not an expert on sports so its all a bit new to me – but you are educating me sir, on A LOT of things.

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      • I have been following sports all my life, Sports along with writing has been a passion of mine all my life so I get I put a lot more into than it seems. You don’t have to be an expert to love sports or to follow it. I usually add video so you can see the amazing things that happen in sports. But if you don’t understand something feel free to ask questions.

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      • I defo will do. I run alot and cycle a bit. But I am just not so good with team sports. But let me keep learning…

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      • Yeah do it. You can maybe also do something on why people are fast runners. One of my fave books in called Running with the Kenyans. Such an interesting story.

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      • Nothing new. MBB saga continues but I am no longer part of it. Thank God. JSWIPE continues to baffle me. I need to explain in more detail.

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      • The correct question is will you choose to no longer be apart of his drama? No matter how much he says he needs to talk to you …the re is one word in the English language that is powerful…NO.

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      • I choose , it is my choice I do have control over what I decide….these buzzwords are important for you to understand. Work on understanding you are choosing or you have made choices that didn’t always turn out well, own it. Now is the time.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I think you are just trying to find out who you are. You spent so much time trying to be what MBB wanted and needed, that you lost your identity. It is natural to try and find where you fit in now, and who you really are. You do send mixed signals on who and what you want to be. The only person you can be is yourself. It is time for you to be who you are, instead of trying to be something you are not. Jswipe may be fun for you, but it is also frustrating you and not really going anywhere. He sees you out of convenience, and you are letting him. You say you just want something carefree and flingy with him, but that is not true. You want more from him. Sounds like you are hitting the partrying pretty hard. Also, a very natural step in your situation. You need to be careful. If Jswipe wouldn’t have taken you home, what would have happened since your friend basically left you to do her own thing. Being drunk and alone in a bar can lead to disaster. Always have a plan B, in those situations. And stop investing so much time on someone who really isn’t showing any interest above where you are now. You are setting yourself up to be hurt. Take a step back and just let things unfold in your life. Don’t overthink and don’t try so hard.

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    • Thanks for your comment. You are right. I spent over half a decade being what MBB wanted and you know what he ditched me when he found a ready made model of what he wanted. But I don’t want to cry about it anymore. Now I can wear what I want, have the hairstyle I want, have crazy friends and party like I should have done when I was younger. I did a lot of great things because of MBB and I had a lot experiences with him which I don’t regret but right now its about doing exactly what I want 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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