A Meeting With Marigold

marigold
A Meeting with the Marigold – Cinders the Butterfuly

This is a hard story to tell. Despite all my partying and crazy antics, I  have incredibly anxious and worried about MR BIG BLUE. Since he sent me those messages saying he took pain pills because he can’t deal with reality and because his head and heart hurt, I have been stressing. MR BIG BLUE has suicidal tendencies, its something that I know about. And after half a decade with someone you know when things aren’t right. I worry that all his stupid lies are getting on top of him and eventually the pressure might force him to do something absolutely stupid.

Seeing that the Divorcee basically stopped MR BIG BLUE and I from corresponding with one another (I am pretty sure she regularly checks his messages), now our contact has been limited. I felt that he was finally opening up to me but now that EVIL WITCH has put a stop to that because of her jealousy. As far as I am concerned if MR BIG BLUE does anything to harm himself, it will be on her head now.

I was starting to feel helpless and I didn’t feel like I could tackle this problem alone so I ended up speaking to MR BIG BLUE’s mother about it. Her response to his crazy behavior has always been tough love. But in this case I was asking her to show him some REAL love, because that was what he needed. But all she had to say was that I needed to be careful because he was trying to manipulate me because he knows I have a soft spot for him. I love that she cares about me and is more worried about the fact that her son could hurt me. But right now, I wanted her to care about him. I wanted her to call him and check on him because I couldn’t.

The fact that his mum was so blase about it all, just made me even more anxious. I felt I needed to find someone else, someone who might help so i spoke to the Oracle. Thankfully, he was willing to take my concerns a little more seriously. He said, that we need to listen to MR BIG BLUE’s cries for help. He said he would do his best to make contact with MR BIG BLUE and invite him back to the temple and tell him that whats happened and the bad blood isn’t important. When he did this MR BIG BLUE replied in a very defensive manner saying that he was planning court action against the Oracle and the Other Women for defamation of character (yep, he is really nuts in the head)

Anyway the Oracle also suggested I have a meeting to with The Marigold  as maybe he was the only person left who could get through to MR BIG BLUE. I wasn’t overly keen to get more people involved in this mess but I agreed to the meeting on two conditions 1. that the Oracle would be there to back me up and 2. that MR BIG BLUE would never find out that I went to speak to the The Marigold. The Oracle promised that this could be sorted and said he would set it all up. At one point, I almost pulled out of going to the meeting because it seemed that MR BIG BLUE was always hanging out at the temple and around the Marigold so it would be hard for me to get to the meeting without being seen. In the end the Oracle and the Other Women devised a plan to help me.

I opened my heart to the Marigold and told him about my worries especially the fact that MR BIG BLUE was isolating himself from his family and all the people that care for him. I explained that while I no longer saw a future for the two of us, I still cared for MR BIG BLUE and didn’t want to see him hurt. The Oracle back me up by saying that MR BIG BLUE and the Divorcee were living together and sneaking around, lying about their relationship and basically living in sin (a big no no in the HK movement). Then the Marigold revealed something to us apparently MR BIG BLUE and the Divorcee (read the Divorcee because MBB has no money) are buying a flat together in India. Things just go from bad to worse. It seems that even though her money can buy him everything his heart desires he still feels the need to message me about his suicidal issues. What a total joke.

Anyway, about three weeks has passed since this meeting now and I am over it all. Tell me what you think about all this stupidity? What do you think the next revelation we can expect from our darling MR BIG BLUE? An illegitimate baby perhaps?

I promise the next post will be a little more perky.

LOVE always,

Cinders x o x o

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51 thoughts on “A Meeting With Marigold

  1. I am going to go Dr. Phil on you here so ….the word I keep thinking about here is choice. We choose the people in lives . Excluding your mother father sister brother…cousin aunt etc we choose who we let into our lives …you choose to continue to let MBB into yours knowing that he will bring drama into your life that really has nothing to do with you . He knows you care about him an he works that angle every chance you continue to give him. By your own choice! He continues to prove to you and everyone else in his world he manipulates people especially women and is out for himself. You are a positive person who is worthy of a positive person back. He is not it. He is everything you do not need. It is time to truly leave him in the past and choose to keep it that way. Have no further dealings with him. Trust me if a person is truly suicidal they will not make a lot of noise to do it they just will. He likes and craves attention.
    If MBB does anything to harm himself it isn’t on you or Dinorcee it is on him because he chooses to do so. No one else is making harm himself he is doing it to himself. By the way is he Bipolar? Seems like it to me.
    I agree with MBB’s mother tough love is the best love in this instance because she knows he manipulates you and others in his life. She may have cautioned him about it before and because he failed to listen she is letting life punish him in ways that only life can.( Iam speaking from experience having raised two children that didn’t listen to me at points in there lives) To the outward appearance she maybe blase’ but she is very concerned believe me she is, but there is little a parent can do beyond a certain point because of the choices he makes for himself.. He wants to be with divorcee he is with divorcee, because he chooses to be with her.
    MBB needs to hear his own cries for help , it isn’t your place to right his mind or wipe his tears when he doesn’t want to deal with something .
    Still don’t after all this time you keep allowing yourself to be dragged back into his drama when you know that ship has sailed. Why are you afraid of really letting him go?
    if you need to care for him …care from a distance…a long distance…he is like the sun once you are up close you will get burned. He has proven time and again not to be worthy of your concern.
    As for divorcee…It seems that even though her money can buy him everything his hearts desire he still feels the need to message me about his suicidal issues…sounds like a little bit of ego talking here by you. He text you for attention and you keep choosing to give it to him,, even though there is no benefit for you in it. he is choosing to be with her, regardless of his words to you , his actions are elsewhere.

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    • I get what you are saying…but I am trying my hardest to walk away. At least I have JSWIPE to make me smile … hey? Can you now see why I like this distraction 🙂

      OK. Maybe its my ego talking. Maybe its also I case I don’t want him, but I don’t want the evil cow who stole him away from me to have him…is that normal ? or am I crazy?

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      • JSwipe is another issue altogether best saved for another time. Now it sounds petty I don’t want him but I don’t want someone else especially her to have him. So my question is this why care who has him? you don’t want him so why care who does?

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      • Because maybe I am human. They both screwed me over and I got hurt. She didn’t. Maybe I would like to see her getting a taste of her own medicine. I know an eye for an eye and all. But maybe I don’t want to be the better person all the time.

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      • Ok but you know better so do better , don’t make excuses, make this the very last time that you lower yourself to that level and stop feeding their drama by choosing to be apart of it.

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      • And right now despite his issues I am happy Jswipe is around. As much of a bad boy as he is he makes me smile. Whenever he messages I feel happy. I know he is not right for me long-term, but maybe he helps me get through the day which is what I need right now.

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      • I can’t give him too much time even if I wanted to because he won’t give me much of his. I am still going out and dating other people…just not finding those butterflies, sadly!

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      • I dunno whether there is any point having any hard and fast criteria. Life is not that simple. Often you can learn to love someone who was not your type to begin with. But I guess someone who lets me be me, and helps me grow, treats me like a princess and is generally loveable.

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      • you just sent confusing statements and there in lies the rub. Life is that simple choose to keep it simple. Learn to live with someone who isn’t your type? Why? I speak from experience find someone who is your type and you will find the relationship will flow much better without sacrificing so much of yourself as you have done in the past. Neither Jswipe or MBB help you grow , treat you like a princess and neither is very lovable

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      • But isn’t life about meeting different people and learning new things? Or should I become like Crazy Cat Lady – say to myself that unless I find a man that is 100% compatible with me, I’d rather be alone. Tick boxes are a total waste of time.

        Both MBB and and JSWIPE have served a purpose in my life. MBB showed me that someone could find me attractive, I could fall in love and maintain a relationship…it may not have ended well but its better to have loved and lost as they say. As for JSwipe he has shown me that I need someone who challenges me intellectually in a way that MBB didn’t…I know Jswipe isn’t my Prince Charming, but he has got a purpose in my life and he is not all bad (especially when compared to MBB)

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      • You can meet different people and do new things but that doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship or when it ends stick around. Your one issue from what I notice is letting go when it becomes clear that a certain manipulative can’t wait to start drama man drags you into his web of lies and deceipt, what reason is there for that in anyone’s life? There is no need to be like catlady, but there is no reason surround yourself with other s who don’t value you or are worthy of you. You deserve better, choose to be better.. Neither Jswipe or MBBare worthy of you.

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      • whe I say time it isn’t the actual time on a date it time you spend thinking about Jswipe and how much you get giddy when he text you that time…that’s giving too much time considering he doesn’t formally think enough to ask you on a actual date and just very casually ask you to meet him somewhere

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      • I mean I am still out there…not sitting home crying about MBB or JSWIPE. In fact I have a lunch date 🙂

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      • Mmmm not sure I agree with you on that you are still emotionally tied to MBB which is why you still respond to him. And with JSwipe you want more from him so to say you don’t cry over either of them you do have emotional connections to both yet you are keeping your options open.

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      • I agree I want more from Jswipe but I realise nothing is going to happen, so I will settle for a few adventures and a few butterflies. I can’t explain it…but I get them when he just messages me or I see him out and about.

        With MBB… its another story. I don’t want anything more.

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  2. Hey you! I read through all the comments above and I agree to much you were told. You say you don’t want him, but you just don’t want her to have him. Seems like you are putting much of the blame on her and not him. That is jealousy, even if you don’t want to admit that. MBB is an attention seeker and he is using you for validation. I cannot begin to understand the lengths you just went to. This is not your problem, but you are making it yours. Just step back and look at what you did. Really look at it. Caring is one thing, but you keep putting yourself back in his life. Let him live his life with the person he chose to live it with, and quit letting him pull you back in with his crazy talk. You have done all you can for him. Think of yourself….is this making you happy? I bet that answer is no. I bet it is just making you crazy. Let him go….that is the only way you will move on.

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  3. Yup. Maybe I am jealous. Logically, though why would I be? She screwed up her first marriage and jumped into bed with the next man that came along. She lied to me, when I asked her about things face to face. Is it not normal to hate on a person like that and want to do anything you can to screw their life up to. The fact the MBB messaged me and she found out gives me a little satisfaction at least, let her doubt her prowess. let her develop a few insecurities, let her rot away in hell…I don’t care anymore. Sorry if I sound calous, I know she isn’t all to blame (still she is not innocent) but this is how I feel right now.

    I only did what I did because I was worried and I didn’t know what else to do to help. At least now I can walk away knowing I did my best.

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  4. Resentment and revenge seeking is only hurting yourself. Yes, some things are natural, but you have to let them go. It will eat you up inside. I know this, trust me I know this.

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    • I totally get what you are saying. But those feelings of hate and anger and thoughts of revenge are there. I am not acting on them. I have never told the Divorcee what I think of her. Even though those choice words are on my tongue. There were many instances where I could have dragged her (and his) name through the mud but I didn’t. There was no point as far as I was concerned I’d already lost the man I loved, so no point seeking revenge. It doesn’t mean the thoughts and feelings aren’t there and that I don’t have a sneaky smile when I hear something bad has happened to her. (with him its a bit different…I don’t want anything bad to happen). Weird I know.

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  5. I get it.. It’s hard to let go completely.. You still care and I get it.. But remember that he still isn’t choosing to be with you.. I agree with all the comments above.

    I think you should seriously take a break from all this drama and rethink everything. Might help to clear your head

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    • No one believes me when I say I am trying. Its just every time he sees me slipping away and moving forward with my life he creeps back in somehow. But like I keep telling everyone, now things have gone to far. In the words of Taylor Swift : ‘We are NEVER EVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER’

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      • I am out there living…and its fun 🙂 Still working on getting MBB out of my system, but its happening.

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      • It’s hard to get some one out of your system when live them completely. But one day your turn will come to be with someone who appreciates you.

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      • Yup, I’m doing that. Maybe my social life is a bit hectic. But I am trying to focus on the things I enjoy doing – running, yoga, writing (more for this blog hopefully). Trying to be a nicer person…but I’ve also fallen into becoming part of this whole system a bit. I’ll try to sort that out. Another mini post for you later today. Thanks for always following my progress, even though I have been quiet. x x x

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      • Hey you. Thanks for caring. I am OK. Plodding along. Distancing myself from MBB more and more everyday. I am getting stronger. Jswipe is still about, but he has weirdly turned into a strange kind of friend and some of social circles have merged (weird hey?) but I know nothing more will materialise there. I’ve met others, but nobody who really captured my attention. Spending time with my friends also helps so I’m taking each day as it comes. I am not giving up on my fairytale.

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    • Yeah, I know I promised you an update….But I don’t feel like writing much these days. I am OK. There are still days I miss MBB or something upsets me but I’m slowly moving forward. Remember Jscrew? Well he keeps me on my toes but this thing with him will never get off the ground, I know it. But the distraction can be good. And guess what? I cried tears over him, which Tatyana says is good…because I’m crying over someone other than MBB.

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      • Don’t isolate yourself over a man. As for JSwipe why she’d tears for something that never was…remember we talked about he was all about convenience? Always wanted to hang with you on the way… ?better days are coming. And a better man is on his way clear your emotional space so he can arrive

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      • I’m not isolating myself really. I am spending time with friends and making new ones. Not always easy. I still miss Mr MBB. And the Jswipe thing its complicated…he had many opps to take advantage of the fact that I liked him and he didn’t, and I am not upset that nothing has happened between us. In fact I’m flattered. He has religious/commitment issues which means he can’t be with me. And I know he finds me attractive and likes my personality, he has shown that…even my friends/his friends have seen this. In a way he has let me go but still kinda lets me know he kinda still likes me. I dunno. Its hard to understand for an outsider. He didn’t take advantage of me like MBB did and I’ll always be thankful for that.

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      • JSwipe situation is complicated how? And I’m not sure I understand something. I thought he mr.convienent and never just outright ask you on a date. Can’t hide behind religious commitment and play games with people’s feels. How could you be ok with that?

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      • No he never did ever ask me out and thats OK…he knows long-term it’d never work. And so do I. But we are both attracted to one another on a physical and intellectual level. Its just a sad fact about the world we live in…sometimes its just sad. But he didn’t treat me badly. He actually realised I was a good girl and let me go. Yes we chat from time to time but both of us somehow know where we stand now. Yes, I get sad when I see him out with some girl (probably use her for a one night stand if she is game) but he read me for who I was and left me at that…so I can’t hate him.

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