“The world is made up of two girls, the simple girls and the Katie girls. I’m a Katie girl!”
~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
The term ‘Katie Girl’ is a rather obscure reference to a character in 1970’s movie The Way We Were staring Robert Redford and Barbara Streisand. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie (like me) – a ‘Katie Girl’ can be described as a somewhat quirky woman, who men tend to love and have passionate/roller coaster relationships with but eventually ditch for a more ‘normal’/manageable woman (aka Simple Girl).
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of such a situation(i.e a ‘Katy Girl’) it’s pretty horrible. One minute you are dating a guy, the chemistry is electrifying, the banter is great and the sex is mind-blowing, then the next thing BOOM he replaces you with a (usually) pretty but insipid sort…
People take sick leave from work for various reasons. Depending on a person’s pain tolerance (obviously, us ladies can handle much more) one may take time off for medical reasons ranging from giving birth to an epic hangover, work-related allergies or a severe case of the man flu (aww poor baby). But how about a situation when a person called and said they were suffering from a broken heart? I doubt many bosses would accept this as a legitimate medical condition. Nope not even here in laid-back South Africa, where most people switched their brains off in preparation for Christmas on December 1st.
Sadly, unless you live in Japan (where I am told ‘heartbreak’ leave is an actual thing where people can take a time off after a bad break- up to cry it all out and return to work when one is less of a mess) calling…
By now most of us have realised that this world is a not such a perfect place and certainly not the land of butterflies and talking teapots that Disney promised. The world is full of bad, bad men (and women). People who are so damaged that they get kicks out of inflicting pain on others. Even those who are not total Ashley Madison type lost causes are still out there looking for a quick hook-up. It seems like the option of having a wholesome, decent relationship/marriage is no longer appealing to much of society – why stick to one man/women all your life when you can have your pick of them with such easy access to orgies, swinger’s parties and strip clubs?
The fact is though, we are all part of this hopeless place in which we reside not just innocent bystanders as we’d like to think. The sad…
When one is involved in a long-term relationship there can be a tendency to get complacent and take for granted the fact that you have a regular source of bedroom action. Yeah sure, for some, like all those Ashley Madison members who are busy being name and shamed, there may come a time when your sex life becomes boring and you have to look beyond the confines of your nice, respectable relationship for something a little bit more risqué. But the truth is, at least you are getting some action.
As I have said before, the period following the breakdown of a relationship, can be a bit of a roller coaster when it comes to a person’s mental state. One moment your crying about losing your future husband and the next you feel as free as a bird, knowing that you are now open (please remove your mind from…
‘The best way to get over one man is to get under another’ – Jane the Virgin
Oh, how I wish it was that easy. The immediate period following a break-up can be a rather tumultuous time in a person’s life. You’ve just gone from domestic bliss and planning for happily ever after with the person you thought was your one and only, to living a sad, lonely existence with just your cat for company (jokes, it’s not possible to become a sad spinster that fast). From my experience and observations, the way in which a person rebuilds their life after the breakdown of a long-term relationship varies but here are some of the common things that happen in the rebound phase:
A New Look
I can’t say I understand the reasoning behind it but it seems after a relationship has come to an end, us chicks especially feel the need…
OK, so I’ve been quiet for a while now. Life has been a bit of a roller coaster ride over the last few months. So lets break it down.
MR BIG BLUE
i don’t quite remember where I stopped in the story. But things have just gone from bad to worse. Seems he is pretty serious with the Divorcee now. He took her home to meet the folks. i cut off all contact with them now. I know that they are good people but its too painful having any contact with anyone linked to him.
He himself blows hot and cold. I was kidding myself saying that he was still a good person deep down who just became a bit misguided. Now, I see things differently. He pitched up at my house a few months ago, saying he missed me and still loved me. He had in me in tears again. Then he pulled a classic line saying he had to ‘learn to love someone else’ and arguing that it was possible to love more than one person. SPINELESS.
The above incident sent me running into the arms of someone who seemed like a nice guy (but I treated him pretty badly because I wasn’t/am not ready for anything real). Luckily, the universe conspired to remove him from my life, which was good for him (and me). He was on the verge of becoming a stalker so that gave me a reality check and I stopped dating for a bit and decided I needed to adopt a different approach when it came to guys.
Then more recently, he blamed me because the Divorcee found messages
This is just a quick message to let you all know I’m still alive. I’m slowly getting over MBB. And figuring out what I do/do not want in life.
I haven’t been able to blog because I felt I was going around in circles and feeding you the same stories over and over again.
But I know I owe you all a proper update for now. I want you all to know (in the word’s of Taylor Swift) MR BIG BLUE and I are Never, Ever,Ever, EVER getting back together. I still have lose ends to tie up with him, but I am getting there slowly. I’m also figuring out what my next move is.
This is a hard story to tell. Despite all my partying and crazy antics, I have incredibly anxious and worried about MR BIG BLUE. Since he sent me those messages saying he took pain pills because he can’t deal with reality and because his head and heart hurt, I have been stressing. MR BIG BLUE has suicidal tendencies, its something that I know about. And after half a decade with someone you know when things aren’t right. I worry that all his stupid lies are getting on top of him and eventually the pressure might force him to do something absolutely stupid.
Seeing that the Divorcee basically stopped MR BIG BLUE and I from corresponding with one another (I am pretty sure she regularly checks his messages), now our contact has been limited. I felt that he was finally opening up to me but now that EVIL WITCH has put a stop to that because of her jealousy. As far as I am concerned if MR BIG BLUE does anything to harm himself, it will be on her head now.
I was starting to feel helpless and I didn’t feel like I could tackle this problem alone so I ended up speaking to MR BIG BLUE’s mother about it. Her response to his crazy behavior has always been tough love. But in this case I was asking her to show him some REAL love, because that was what he needed. But all she had to say was that I needed to be careful because he was trying to manipulate me because he knows I have a soft spot for him. I love that she cares about me and is more worried about the fact that her son could hurt me. But right now, I wanted her to care about him. I wanted her to call him and check on him because I couldn’t.
The fact that his mum was so blase about it all, just made me even more anxious. I felt I needed to find someone else, someone who might help so i spoke to the Oracle. Thankfully, he was willing to take my concerns a little more seriously. He said, that we need to listen to MR BIG BLUE’s cries for help. He said he would do his best to make contact with MR BIG BLUE and invite him back to the temple and tell him that whats happened and the bad blood isn’t important. When he did this MR BIG BLUE replied in a very defensive manner saying that he was planning court action against the Oracle and the Other Women for defamation of character (yep, he is really nuts in the head)
Anyway the Oracle also suggested I have a meeting to with The Marigold as maybe he was the only person left who could get through to MR BIG BLUE. I wasn’t overly keen to get more people involved in this mess but I agreed to the meeting on two conditions 1. that the Oracle would be there to back me up and 2. that MR BIG BLUE would never find out that I went to speak to the The Marigold. The Oracle promised that this could be sorted and said he would set it all up. At one point, I almost pulled out of going to the meeting because it seemed that MR BIG BLUE was always hanging out at the temple and around the Marigold so it would be hard for me to get to the meeting without being seen. In the end the Oracle and the Other Women devised a plan to help me.
I opened my heart to the Marigold and told him about my worries especially the fact that MR BIG BLUE was isolating himself from his family and all the people that care for him. I explained that while I no longer saw a future for the two of us, I still cared for MR BIG BLUE and didn’t want to see him hurt. The Oracle back me up by saying that MR BIG BLUE and the Divorcee were living together and sneaking around, lying about their relationship and basically living in sin (a big no no in the HK movement). Then the Marigold revealed something to us apparently MR BIG BLUE and the Divorcee (read the Divorcee because MBB has no money) are buying a flat together in India. Things just go from bad to worse. It seems that even though her money can buy him everything his heart desires he still feels the need to message me about his suicidal issues. What a total joke.
Anyway, about three weeks has passed since this meeting now and I am over it all. Tell me what you think about all this stupidity? What do you think the next revelation we can expect from our darling MR BIG BLUE? An illegitimate baby perhaps?
I promise the next post will be a little more perky.
The fact that I’ve been quiet is a sign that I’m living. Maybe living a bit too much, but living all the same.
Since my last update, things have been pretty quiet on the MR BIG BLUE front. Although the Oracle and I had a conversation about my worries on MR BIG BLUE’s suicidal tendencies and he is helping by keeping an eye and also trying to engage with MR BIG BLUE. I think it is helpful to share the burden, its not really fair that I have to deal with these issues when I am trying to get on with my life.
Speaking of getting on with my life, I am trying. I’ve become a serial tinder/OKCupid dater. I’ve dated some real weirdoes (for instance, a guy who told me I looked nothing like my profile photo and it was false advertising) and then some real sweethearts (there was one who was just too innocent, I had to message him after our first date to say I didn’t want anything romantic because I am not in the right space and I just felt I would end up corrupting his innocence, the same way MR BIG BLUE did to me). But at the end of the day internet dating is internet dating and I very much doubt I am going to meet my future husband online. Because ultimately I am looking for a story…an epic adventure and not one that starts ‘Once upon a time I swiped right on Tinder….’
Now onto the main event. Not my finest moment.
So after what everyone said about JSWIPE, I still chatted to him. I’ve decided that while I am a good girl and true romantic at heart, I need to have fun. I need to go out, drink, dance and party the night away (and yes maybe have a fling or two who cares). No one night stands, but I think I could deal with a fling (friends with benefits kinda vibe). Maybe something light-hearted could be fun (or a learning experience if nothing else).
Thursday – a school night, I decided to have some quiet drink with a new friend of mine, Moosey Monroe. So Crazy Moosey Monroe and I started with a couple of glasses of wine at my place, which was nice. With some light-hearted conversation mostly about our dating histories. She is the total opposite of me. Lots of experience but never had anything long-term. Apparently she is a commitment-phone (just like JSWIPE). In fact, he came up a lot in our conversation and Moosey Monroe’s insight was that if I wanted to get his attention, I needed to get his attention. JSWIPE and I had previously chatted and we’d said we might meet up later that night at a local bar where his friend was DJ’ing. So when Moosey Monroe and I went out to our first bar stop (where we had a lot of fun vibing with two random guys). I have to say I had fun with Moosey Monroe as my new wing women. She got me to message JSWIPE telling him she was making me drink tequila shots (which she subsequently got me to do).
Anyway, we then moved onto the place we were going to meet JSWIPE. Moosey Monroe was chatting up every guy in sight. JSWIPE hadn’t yet arrived. I decided to explore the quaint little venue. I wondered up some stairs and sat by myself for a bit contemplating life (by this I mean dreaming of JSWIPE). After a while I decided I should go find Moosey Monroe and I was going down to find when I slipped and FELL DOWN THE STAIRS. If that wasn’t bad enough, guess who was at the bottom of the stairs ? None other than JSWIPE. WTF??? He helped me up and dusted me off. I was sooooo embarrassed. Gosh, why did he have to arrive the moment I fell down ??? What the hell?
Anyway, he was SUPER sweet (now you all have to change your opinions of him). He tried to massage my bruised ego and we chatted a bit. Then he said he would drive me home as Moosey Monroe was busy making out with most of the clubs population. On the drive home, I talked even more nonsense. Basically telling him that I wanted to be more like Moosey Monroe (i.e be easy and less of a hopeless romantic good girl) because after all she looked like she was having more fun that I was (in other words, I was trying to subltly tell him I was available for him to have his wicked way with). He was really really sweet and told me I should never become like her, because I am the kind of girl who actually cares about things and that isn’t a bad thing. And get this he dropped me home and made NO MOVES whatsoever. Made sure I was home safe and then drove away.
I went to sleep so angry and upset. I had waited so long to see him and then all that happened was that I made a complete fool out of myself. I decided he no longer found me attractive after seeing me fall down the stairs and talk so much drivel. But the next morning, I thought about it and realised how good it was that he didn’t take advantage of me when I was in such a state of stupidity (see he has a spark of decency). I think that fact that he didn’t actually makes me like him more.
Now tell me what you have to say. Have you all changed your mind about JSWIPE? Do you think he drove me home and didn’t take things further because he doesn’t find me attractive anymore after my drunken shenanigans? Or do you think he actually realised I was a nice girl who doesn’t deserve to get hurt by a commitment-phobe? And what do you all think of my new friend Moosey Monroe? Bad influence or just who I need to lift my spirits?
I am feeling a bit disillusioned with men in general right now. I’ve tried this whole dating thing. Most of the time I find it a complete waste of time. Most of my dates have been totally dull and the only one I had chemistry with is sorting of playing hard to get and is a bit of a bad boy. I still have the cloud of MR BIG BLUE hanging over me. So break it down and take things piece by piece (or man by man).
The Bad – MR BIG BLUE
Drama. Drama. Drama. Gosh where do I start?
So last week MR BIG BLUE and I were messaging each other. His usual stuff about how he is having a hard time and he is not sure he made the right decision. We chatted about our past and got a bit nostalgic. He said no one would ever understand what we had and that we would never really get over each other (his words not mine). I have to admit the biatch me enjoyed the conversation. It was good to see that there is trouble in paradise. It felt like I could tell the Divorcee : ‘See you home-wrecking slut, your money only got you so far, you’ll never have the same stories, adventures and fun that MR BIG BLUE and I had because you are a bitter, twisted and messed up individual’. But the good part of me, also felt sad. Sad for MR BIG BLUE. He clearly made a rash decision. He followed the dollar signs and it got him nowhere fast (well maybe just a free trip to India) but like they say there is no such thing as a free lunch. It seems that the Divorcee controls the purse strings and that means she controls MR BIG BLUE…She has basically forced him to isolate himself from his family, friends and the temple. And now she has put a ban of him talking to me…
Basically, she found the messages we’d been sending each other and she went mad. Boo hoo. Now she gets a taste of her own medicine. She can see that MR BIG BLUE and I had/have a connection that no amount of money can buy. She can buy him a new Samsung phone, a motorbike to kill himself on (like she did for her ex/not yet ex-husband) and basically everything his heart desires but she’ll never be able to buy him a replacement for the real-life feathered friend I got him, and even if she did it would never be the same. You are just not a Princess like ME, chick !
The Bad Boy (well considering his age it’s more of The Bad Man) is kinda/sorta MIA. Well, its his religious holiday so he is busy praying and telling stories (or whatever it is religious people do on such holy occasions). What is it with me and religious men, hey? These bad boys that seem to want to be all good in the eyes of God. I think I may have offended him at some point with my slightly un-PC comments about God. Anyway, I’ve backed down and limited my conversations with him until he gets a bit more serious and tell me what he wants from me. Clearly, we both know we are incompatible on a serious level, but I can tell he still enjoys the banter and finds me attractive to some extent, because why would he messaging me then? Either way it works. I know it’s nothing serious.
The Ugly (or should I say unattractive) – The Rest
But I have to admit, thanks to JSWIPE, dating just became a whole lot tougher.
When my friends find a guy they sort of like, they delete themselves off Tinder and focus solely on him. I don’t feel I need/want to do this with JSWIPE. He really hasn’t made enough effort to become my main focus. So I’ll keep playing the field. But this is easier said than done As I keep going out with a few guys but I just can’t enjoy myself or find them attractive. There is no chemistry because the fact is I just keep comparing them to the chemistry I had on the first date with JSWIPE.
I’ve totally friend-zoned the Handy Man and we hang out quite a lot but just a friends. He knows his place now so its all good.
Dr Sparkle is a douche. He found a ‘girlfriend’. He literally spends 24/7 with her and has completely ditched me and Tatyana. It’s not healthy. He looks really rough for it – I beginning to question why I ever really crushed on him. He is a useless friend and quite a useless person in general.
So that’s my love life update for now folks. I will try to be a little more pro-active and find that hopeless romantic girl inside me again…but maybe she has gone for good. Give me some motivation and tips. Purleeeeease.