A Second Date of Convenience?

Yay! After all my pining I did get my second date with JSWIPE!

I would be raving more but thanks to a debrief with Tatyana and Dr Sparkle … I’m not so ecstatic anymore.

OK let’s rewind to Saturday. I had a provisional Tinder date planned with this guy called Big Head that I’d been chatting too. He had said he’d confirm where to meet on Saturday morning but that came and went but there was no arrangement made. This was pretty annoying because right now I’m trying my best to keep busy and I don’t particularly like having empty evenings and if I knew he wasn’t going to bother I would have made some alternative plans.

Anyway, so in the end I decided to meet a friend for lunch and chat and then afterwards I spent the afternoon/early evening sitting in a café with my computer. During this whole time I’d been messaging JSWIPE and telling him what I was up to and I ended up mentioning that I was hanging out at a café in his neck of the woods. He then suggested maybe he could come and join me. I was sort of at a loose end so I thought why not.

He came and met me and then we decided to go for dinner. The restaurant was very nice. A pretty romantic spot – it was nice sitting outside surrounded by twinkly lights. The conversation was great again. We talked about everything from his furniture shopping issues and my new house to my future career plans and the time he spent working overseas. It was actually really good to talk about something meaningful and being around someone who is really passionate about what they do has really made me think about making some drastic career changes and possibly going back to studying. He was very encouraging about that and gave me lots of advice on how to progress.

JSWIPE made no moves during the dinner, so I was starting to think he wasn’t interested in me on any other level than good conversation (and to be honest I would have probably been OK with that because it’s quite rare for me to find someone who I can chat to for hours and lose track of time). Even walking back to his car, there was nothing which was a bit disappointing because I would have loved to kiss under all the twinkly lights (Cinders is a cliché I know).

It was not until he drove me back to my car and we were saying goodbye was it that he kissed me. And yes he does kiss well. We decided the night was still young and he suggested going to get some more wine and taking me for a tour of his work place. It’s located in this old historic building with pretty views of the city, so I was all like yay. (Yes, I know I have been warned about going to secluded places with strange men – but I gave into my sense of adventure and went with it.) It was a lot of fun…he took me back to his office and we discussed philosophy (yes, really) and listened to jazz till like 1 am when we decided we should head home (to our respective apartments).

Sneaking into old buildings can be fun - after all we only live once, right?
Sneaking into old buildings can be fun – after all we only live once, right?

Oh but here’s the embarrassing bit…after he’d taken me back to my car and we’d said our goodbyes. I was so smitten and caught up in the moment that I drove away without my lights on. JSWIPE had to chase me down the highway … beeping to get my attention (because I had music on) to get my to put them on. (See he is not all bad, right?)

Sounds like a pretty good date right? Maybe he is not the ‘one’ but he is rather entertaining and I have fun with him.

Anyway, those were my thoughts on it till I met up with Tatyana and Dr Sparkle. Tatyana was quite excited at first and she could relate to my love of adventure. But Dr Sparkle was totally cynical…saying that the date wasn’t all that and the restaurant that we’d been too was overrated. Talking about putting a dampener on things. Then both Tatyana and him ganged up me and said that I shouldn’t have agreed to going on the date at such a late stage. They said that it was only a date of convenience and if I hadn’t happened to be in the area JSWIPE wouldn’t have bothered to make any effort with me. I left that debrief feeling a bit glum.

Do you agree with them? Do you think I was acting too eager by agreeing to a last minute date? Was It just a date of convenience? Do you think I am crazy for following my sense of adventure with JSWIPE rather than being more sensible? Does this sound like it could be a bit of a rebound relationship? Is it OK to carry on with a guy that you are attracted to but know deep down things wouldn’t work out with? And what’s with Dr Sparkle being the voice of cynicism?

Love all your comments and advice. I am generally feeling a bit more optimistic about life now.


Cinders x o x o

Counting My Blessings – Part 1 : Family and Friends

This morning MR BIG BLUE reached his final destination…Mayapur,India. I chatted to him on Skype and WhatsApp while he had his long layover in Doha and we had some nice banter back and forth. It was a bit like old times – best friends laughing at our silly little personal jokes: D I do truly hope he is happy, safe and comfortable in Mayapur. This is what he always wanted and I am proud of him for taking this step. And from my own selfish point of view I am just glad he is away from the Divorcee and all the related drama,

While MR BIG BLUE will be getting all the blessings his heart could desire in the holy land, Cinders over here is going to be counting her very own blessings back at the ranch. Even though I’ve had a tough couple of months, I want to focus on the all the positive things in my life at the moment that I can be thankful about.

Initially when I started this post, I wanted to tell you about all the things I am thankful for in my life right now. However, when I got writing I realised it would be impossible to fit in all in to one post that would hold you attention. So I decided to have a series of posts each focusing on a single positive aspect of my life beyond the MR BIG BLUE drama.

winnie the pooh quote
This is something I sent to MR BIG BLUE once…I now realise its actually what my friends and family were doing for me.
  1. Friends and Family

My relationship with MR BIG BLUE took over my life to a certain extent. I left my family and friends and moved across the globe to start a life with MR BIG BLUE. It wasn’t intentional at first but inevitably I ended up drifting away from a lot of old friendships. To some extent this was because of the distance but much of it was because I got caught up in my relationship with MR BIG BLUE and I didn’t bother making enough effort with my friends and family.

When it came to family MR BIG BLUE made a huge effort. My folks (and the extended family) truly did love him even though he was from a very different background and culture. But with my friends, it was a different story. Even when we visited my home for a few weeks’ vacation he was reluctant to hang out with them. He’d tell me to go out while he stayed home at watch TV. He even once made me pitch to one of my best friends weddings on my own because he decided he didn’t feel well on the morning of the big day (he later went out singing and dancing with the Hare Krishna’s so he wasn’t all that sick – right?). And again when he started to get more involved in the HK movement, he distanced himself from friends that we’d made together here. It was like I was being made to choose between friendships that I had fought hard to form in a new country and him, my reason for being here in the first place.

Friends and Family
Sounds about right … 🙂

Anyway, the fact is that despite the physical and emotional distance caused by me being in this relationship when things went pear shaped it was my friends and family who were there for me. Although none of them know the full story, the fact is they know I am upset and they have been beyond kind. They are helping me to pick up the pieces, without asking too many questions or saying ‘I told you so.’ One of my best friends, in fact my only really good male friend (let’s call him Lothario) is even planning on flying over here to spend some quality time with me. He doesn’t know the extent of what has happened, he just knows that something is wrong and he knows that us spending time together again will cheer me. I am truly thankful for all of my friends and family and the worst thing is they’ll never know how much.

Well that’s all for now folks. But before you go…lets chat a little in the comments below. Do you think I am wrong not to tell my family and friends the whole truth? Have you ever had to rebuild friendships/family relationships that you strained when you were in a relationship? How did you go about doing this? Please provide some insights for me.

Thank you so much for reading and offering me your advice and insights. Some of you have been harsh in your comments and it’s not what I have wanted to hear. However, sometimes the truth hurts as they say and you guys are certainly making me look at things from different angles – so seriously, thank you 🙂

Till I see your beautiful faces bringing up my blog stats again,

Lots of LOVE Cinders 🙂