Third Time … An April Fool?

I’ve been quiet for a while now and some of you’ve actually noticed. (thanks for that I am extremely flattered). This is for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, I moved into my castle at the weekend (yay) far far far away from the evil clutches of Crazy Cat Lady. I’m now closer to my friends and where the actions at which really helps when it comes to going out and having fun (maybe/maybe not…you can decide by the end of this post).

Secondly, MR BIG BLUE is still playing his mind games. He messaged me a couple of days ago saying he was really proud of me for getting my own house and doing well in my job (not that I actually am…I think he needed something to say). He asked me what I was doing these days and I replied that I was doing whatever I needed to get over him. His response was to say we’ll never get over each other. Please shed a tear for him.

Thirdly, and most foolishly, I met up with JSWIPE for a third ‘date’ (if you can even call it that). He was DJ’ing at a music event and he invited me along (another date of convenience?). I am a terrible person. I had another date already arranged with a guy I met once last week – let’s call him the The Handy Man (because the only move he made during the first date was to hold me hand when crossing the road which was incredibly adorable). He is a really sweet guy but I’ve totally friend-zoned him but he is new to town and only here for a short time so I thought why not hang out as the conversation is good. So I was left with a dilemma. I would have felt bad ditching The Handy Man but I really really do have fun with JSwipe and I was curious to see him DJ.

dinner date
Date Night Part 1- Friend Zone Dinner with the HandyMan

So I did a terrible thing and I decided I’d see them both in them both in one night. The Handy Man picked me up and took me into town for supper. After being rejected from two restaurants (poor guy really felt embarrassed about it), we finally got lucky and got a spot. The conversation and the wine flowed well and we talked about a number of things. From the start I made it clear that I had to go to watch a ‘friend’ so my cards were on the table. And then towards the end of the night we got on the topic of the friends-zone and I told him straight that’s where he and I were at. I think he was cool with it because he knows he can’t have anything real while he is only in the country for a short-time. (I don’t need to feel too bad for ditching him, right? I need some reassurance here people).

Date Nite Part 2 – DJ JSWIPE

Then there was Part 2 of the night which was actually the third date with JSWIPE.  I got to the bar and he was already on stage so I got myself some wine and enjoyed the music. I was super nervous about being there alone so I told a friend of mine that they’d need to be on there phone to converse with me so I didn’t look too awkward. So I spent quite some time busying myself on my phone until he made eye-contact with me. After his set was done he came over and we chatted a bit. He introduced me to a few people and did his rounds. We had a little dance and he kissed me in public (so there to all the my hater friends who told me he didn’t want to be seen out in public with me). He took me home and we the chit-chat was really fun on the drive back. And now someone is going to kill me (but remember I am in my late 20s) I invited him in to see my castle. We stayed up talking till the early hours of the morning and eventually fell asleep on the sofa (and I do literally mean we slept). So that was that. Another totally fun time with JSWIPE.

So now compadres lets talk. What the hell is with MR BIG BLUE? Trouble in Divorcee Paradise? Do you think I am a bad person for hanging out with the Handy Man? Or was it good that I friend zoned him? And most importantly, what are your thoughts now on the JSWIPE situation? Am I doing as my friends say and always going for the bad guy? Am I the ultimate April Fool?

Happy April to y’all

Love Cinders x o x o


One Step Forward…Two Million Steps Back

Despite all the criticism you guys have thrown at me recently I think my last couple of posts have been a break from the norm. For one thing, I didn’t mention HIM. And there I was actually enjoying my life again – spending time with friends, crushing on Dr.Sparkle, even kissing JSWIPE. I started to feel like I was making progress. I was beginning to think things were getting easier, that maybe one day I would wake up and MR BIG BLUE would not be the first person that popped into my head.

one step forward, two steps back
Really? It doesn’t feel like progress.

And then kind of out of nowhere he rears his ugly (actually its quite pretty) head. A couple of days ago I got a message from MR BIG BLUE. He was telling me he is feeling all down in the dumps. He says there is no purpose for him here. That he is useless and has no place in the material world. He says he wants to go back to India. He says the Hare Krishna temple is no longer his safe haven because of the rumours people have spread about him. He says the Oracle and the Other Women have ruined his life. His says life has to be a big fat secret. He told me he was sorry he let me down.

My immediate thoughts were ‘well, it seems like there is trouble in paradise’.  And I have to admit, there was part of me that was a little bit happy because a) after what he had put me through I thought he deserved a little taste of his own medicine and b) I was thinking so you left me to pursue happiness with that thing (The Divorcee)…so much for happily ever after, hey?. I wanted to ask him how this relationship was expected to survive when it was all based on lies.Part of me wanted to say I told you so, see the grass is not greener over there on the richer side of town. But I didn’t.

I felt sorry for him. I still see him as a little blond haired, blue eyed boy. I just wanted to be close to him so I could give him a cuddle and tell him that he was loved by me (yes, sad to say it but there is a little part of my heart that cares about him) and also by his family. I wanted to tell him, that we could sort through everything and that I was here for him. I wanted to shake him and say what the hell are you doing? Come back to me, the girl who has loved you no matter what! I wanted to tell him that she is forcing him to hide their relationship to protect her own reputation, while he isolates himself from the people that actually care. But it wasn’t my place to say any of that. So I didn’t.

Instead I told him to cheer up. I told him things would get better. I said if he wanted to go to the temple, then he’d have to face the rumours and put things right. I made him laugh, the way we used to laugh together. (He said I had a unique sense of humour, that no one could take away). I told him, I was his friend. Best friend. Always. I told him that I loved him and that I understood. I said he should reach out to his family. I also let him know I wasn’t stupid and that I knew more than the thought I did. I said I would help out if he gave me the chance. I really don’t understand why I still care.

So how do think I handled it? Why do I still care? Why can’t I switch my feelings off? Am I really making any progress at all by going on these dates? Or am I just finding myself attracted to slightly bad boys like JSWIPE as a distraction? Will I really ever get over my first love?

P.S. As a side note. Apparently, the Mad Man (Divorcee’s not quite ex-husband) apparently pitched at her house with the police to fetch his stuff. He found her there with MR BIG BLUE. He wasn’t pleased (naturally). He went to the temple and made a huge scene about it. Crazy. Crazy. I’m glad I’m staying away from all the drama now.

Be kind. Cheer me up today. I need it.

Cinders x o x o

A Second Date of Convenience?

Yay! After all my pining I did get my second date with JSWIPE!

I would be raving more but thanks to a debrief with Tatyana and Dr Sparkle … I’m not so ecstatic anymore.

OK let’s rewind to Saturday. I had a provisional Tinder date planned with this guy called Big Head that I’d been chatting too. He had said he’d confirm where to meet on Saturday morning but that came and went but there was no arrangement made. This was pretty annoying because right now I’m trying my best to keep busy and I don’t particularly like having empty evenings and if I knew he wasn’t going to bother I would have made some alternative plans.

Anyway, so in the end I decided to meet a friend for lunch and chat and then afterwards I spent the afternoon/early evening sitting in a café with my computer. During this whole time I’d been messaging JSWIPE and telling him what I was up to and I ended up mentioning that I was hanging out at a café in his neck of the woods. He then suggested maybe he could come and join me. I was sort of at a loose end so I thought why not.

He came and met me and then we decided to go for dinner. The restaurant was very nice. A pretty romantic spot – it was nice sitting outside surrounded by twinkly lights. The conversation was great again. We talked about everything from his furniture shopping issues and my new house to my future career plans and the time he spent working overseas. It was actually really good to talk about something meaningful and being around someone who is really passionate about what they do has really made me think about making some drastic career changes and possibly going back to studying. He was very encouraging about that and gave me lots of advice on how to progress.

JSWIPE made no moves during the dinner, so I was starting to think he wasn’t interested in me on any other level than good conversation (and to be honest I would have probably been OK with that because it’s quite rare for me to find someone who I can chat to for hours and lose track of time). Even walking back to his car, there was nothing which was a bit disappointing because I would have loved to kiss under all the twinkly lights (Cinders is a cliché I know).

It was not until he drove me back to my car and we were saying goodbye was it that he kissed me. And yes he does kiss well. We decided the night was still young and he suggested going to get some more wine and taking me for a tour of his work place. It’s located in this old historic building with pretty views of the city, so I was all like yay. (Yes, I know I have been warned about going to secluded places with strange men – but I gave into my sense of adventure and went with it.) It was a lot of fun…he took me back to his office and we discussed philosophy (yes, really) and listened to jazz till like 1 am when we decided we should head home (to our respective apartments).

Sneaking into old buildings can be fun - after all we only live once, right?
Sneaking into old buildings can be fun – after all we only live once, right?

Oh but here’s the embarrassing bit…after he’d taken me back to my car and we’d said our goodbyes. I was so smitten and caught up in the moment that I drove away without my lights on. JSWIPE had to chase me down the highway … beeping to get my attention (because I had music on) to get my to put them on. (See he is not all bad, right?)

Sounds like a pretty good date right? Maybe he is not the ‘one’ but he is rather entertaining and I have fun with him.

Anyway, those were my thoughts on it till I met up with Tatyana and Dr Sparkle. Tatyana was quite excited at first and she could relate to my love of adventure. But Dr Sparkle was totally cynical…saying that the date wasn’t all that and the restaurant that we’d been too was overrated. Talking about putting a dampener on things. Then both Tatyana and him ganged up me and said that I shouldn’t have agreed to going on the date at such a late stage. They said that it was only a date of convenience and if I hadn’t happened to be in the area JSWIPE wouldn’t have bothered to make any effort with me. I left that debrief feeling a bit glum.

Do you agree with them? Do you think I was acting too eager by agreeing to a last minute date? Was It just a date of convenience? Do you think I am crazy for following my sense of adventure with JSWIPE rather than being more sensible? Does this sound like it could be a bit of a rebound relationship? Is it OK to carry on with a guy that you are attracted to but know deep down things wouldn’t work out with? And what’s with Dr Sparkle being the voice of cynicism?

Love all your comments and advice. I am generally feeling a bit more optimistic about life now.


Cinders x o x o

Its a Small ‘Dating’ World after all – A ‘Funny’ Anecdote

Here is a little story that is going to blow you mind. Well, it blew mine.

So let’s rewind to Thursday night. I met up with Dr Sparkle and Tatyana to do a debrief on my date with JSWIPE 😉 Don’t judge us…it’s what we do. (Maybe I should tell you that JSWIPE also saw our group messages where I had Tatyana asking me whether he was a good kisser and Dr Sparkle shouting at me not to kiss a midget…But he was a good sport about it all, messaging them back and telling them that all objectives had been achieved and they needed to find themselves dates instead of being voyeurs…see why I like him!!).

Anyway, there I was busy giving them all the gory details and telling them how JSWIPE and I had talked about everything from politics and race to bad Tinder dates and Fifty Shades of Grey. When I mentioned Tinder dates both Tatyana and Dr Sparkle started to giggle. I didn’t really know why they got the giggles but I just carried on with my swoonery over JSWIPE.

Maybe we should have all gone on a double date instead?

When I finished my story…Dr Sparkle said he had something to share and Tatyana said she was glad I was sitting down to hear this story. OK, a bit strange but I was all ears. Apparently Dr Sparkle had had his own Tinder date while I was out with JSWIPE (little did I know, he never shares his stories with us). He said it had gone pretty well and that they had also shared a little kiss which could have potentially progressed to more except he put the brakes on (yeah, yeah, Dr Sparkle you are such a special guy). Anyway, they too had discussed past Tinder dates and she had mentioned a very clever guy that she’d been on a date with, but the date had ended terribly with them having an argument.

Dr Sparkle being the clever guy that he is (almost academically on par with JSWIPE) put two and two together and asked his date if her date was JSWIPE. And…. It was!!! What the hell??? What are the chances that Dr Sparkle (a guy I’ve been crushing on) and I go on separate dates with new people who happen to have previously dated each other. I was a little ewww’d out to be honest and a little bit upset that Dr Sparkle hadn’t told us about his date on the pre-brief!

It seems that this dating world is a pretty small place. Its not like we even live in a small town. OK, we don’t live in a huge metropolis like London, New York or Paris but it is a city nonetheless. What are the chances?! OK, so there you have it…my mind blowing small world story. Its pretty damn weird if you ask me.

Now your turn…have you ever had any similar small world moments whilst dating? Do you think its weird that DR Sparkle figured this whole thing out? Do you think the story is even real (although JSWIPE also confirmed he had one date which ended in an argument)? Could Dr Sparkle be playing some game with me (because he really wasn’t keen on me going out with SWIPE in the first place and has told me to totally stop talking to him now…for what reason I don’t really know)? Oh,and does this story show that JSWIPE is a serial dater? Does it really matter anyway? Also, do you think this little anecdote says anything about Dr Sparkle and I having certain types which crossover?

Give me your thoughts.

Lots of Love

Cinders x o x o

P.S If anyone gets what is especially special (super special) about this post I will give you a PRIZE.

The Games We Play

Now I remember why I don’t like the dating game. It’s just that. A big fat GAME. It’s about who is more interested in the other party and who can play it cool. And if I like someone I have no patience. I just want to see progress. I hate stop/starts. It messes with my head. It makes me all nervous and anxious.

So since my first ‘post-MR BIG BLUE’ date went so well I thought it wasn’t so much to wish for a second date…but then why is J-SWIPE not coming to the party? Hmmm…It’s very strange. He has quite happily been messaging me and saying he had fun on the first date but no mention of meeting again. I had fun too so I thought maybe we’d do it again. I don’t want to wait too long.

Part of my craziness comes from hanging out too much with my buddy Tatyana. She has had a head start on this who dating/Tinder game because while I was pining over MR BIG BLUE she was making progress in the world of swiping left and right. Good for her and all but she has thing of getting all worked up when a guy won’t commit to an arrangement or be more forthcoming as she would like. Before, I used to tell her to calm down and that it was perfectly reasonable for someone to talk their time to reply to a message because they were busy with work, life, other stuff, etc.

Agonizingly waiting for his messages…is it always part of the game?

However, now that the glass slipper is on the other foot things are not as easy and I am beginning to see where she is coming from. I think part of me thinking she was crazy for getting all worked up over these guys was because I was in ‘a relationship’ or at least something where I knew that eventually MR BIG BLUE would reply (Another red flag which I can see with hindsight is that around the times his messaging patterns changed that things between him and the Divorcee would have started taking off).

But now that I’m a free agent I am starting to experience what Tatyana goes through with each and everyone of these Tinder guys that she falls for (which is quite a few). Its like JSWIPE is interested enough to flirt and chat with me but not quite enough to set up this second date. Part of me thinks he was just after one thing and he didn’t get it so he wants to keep me in the back pocket. Who knows? Maybe I am being a bit negative and should just wait a little and give him the benefit of the doubt.

OK over to you now guys and girls. Do you think I am crazy to get all worked up about not yet getting a second date? Do you think it looks like J-Swipe is playing vulnerable little Cinders? Is it only girls that get this kinda anxiety at the start of something? Or do guys also spend way to much time wondering about dates, etc? Do you think I let the first date go too far both physically and conversationally by being too much of an open book? And the million dollar question…how things Cinders is going to get a second date? Oh and do you have any good tips on how to play the dating game?

Please send me all the good vibes in the world…I need this fun in my life right now.


Cinders x o x o

P.S. On a side not Dr Sparkle is also going on a date on Saturday. I don’t know how I feel about this.

The First ‘Post-MR BIG BLUE’ Kiss

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow! That’s all I have to say this morning.

Well as you probably guessed from the title of my post, my first date with the Poison Dwarf (it really is an unfair name because he wasn’t really short…just not as tall as the guys I usually go for) went well. Actually let’s call him J-SWIPE from this point onwards, because Poison Dwarf is so not appropriate.

We met for drinks after work. I liked him as soon as we met because he just took charge of the situation, ordered is wine and snacks. He let me choose where we sat. I chose somewhere not to hidden away…I didn’t know what his vibe was. We got chatting…work, politics, serious stuff to start with. It was interesting and the conversation flowed really well. We moved on he asked me about my previous relationships, so yes MR BIG BLUE did make a minor appearance on my first pre-MR BIG BLUE date. But actually it was good, for the first time ever I was able to tell the story as it was – warts and all. I didn’t sugar coat things. I told J-SWIPE that MR BIG BLUE got too carried away with the Hare Krishna movement and he cheated on me. OK, so maybe it was a good thing. I know he is a total random but it felt good to briefly be able to tell the truth to someone. He also told me about his previous Tinder dates, which was interesting.

The bar started to clear out as most people were there for a show that was going on upstairs. Whenever other people started walking into our little section of the bar I spotted J-SWIPE giving them the evil eye. I think he wanted to get me all to himself. Then this magician guy came along and treated us to a little show which was pretty good. So he had both of us trying to be clever and figure out the secret to his tricks. A really quirky first date experience.

A Magical First Date experience?

I think J-SWIPE was itching for the magician to bugger off so we could get our flirt on. And then as soon as he was out the picture, the conversation took a turn towards the slightly more flirtatious side. We’d been bantering on WhatsApp about the controversial 50 Shades of Grey and he asked to check it out on my kindle and from there things got a little more interesting. I saw him reach for the dimmer switch behindOne thing led to another and somehow we ended kissing across the table. It was weird because I was thinking so much about the fact that I hadn’t kissed anyone apart from MR BIG BLUE for over half a decade and there I was just like that. And there were butterflies and sparkles and all that wonderful stuff. Then there were more kisses. Him paying the bill as quickly as possible and then suggesting we drive to the beach.

We ended up driving in separate cars which was really strange because he followed me and I spent the whole time thinking he would get bored of the long drive and ditch me (seems I have no faith in men – thank you MR BIG BLUE ! Jerk!). But J-SWIPE didn’t lose me in traffic. We got to the beach. Kissed a little more. Listened to the sound of the waves. It was pretty nice.

Eeek…I did it! First Post-MR BIG BLUE kiss 🙂

I let him come back to my place for a glass of wine…except I had no wine so we drank Vodka instead. Chatted some more. I was a good girl though and didn’t let things get any further than necessary. He went back home late…I wouldn’t have complained if he’d stayed a little longer for cuddles.  Oh well, next time, if there is even a next time.

I spent much of the night stressing that he would not bother message me ever again…but he did. All is good…we now just keep our fingers crossed for a second date.

OK…So tell me your thoughts? Are you pleased to see me getting out there? Was it wrong that I spoke about MR BIG BLUE or is good sign to show I have finally accepted what happened? It’s a bit of a long time since I dated…was it too much that I let him come back to mine (although he didn’t stay over)? Should I hold back a bit? And put your bets on…do you think I will get asked on a second date?

Lots of Love

A ever-so-slightly smitten Cinders x o x o

First Date Jitters

Just in case people hadn’t heard the news. MR BIG BLUE and I are over. I am strong right now, but I know there will be tougher days but today I am positive and that can’t be such a bad thing.

Part of the reason I am strong today is that I have a date tonight. It’s a guy I met on Tinder. Let’s call him the Poison Dwarf (don’t ask!) but that’s a name given to him by Tatyana and Dr Sparkle (yes, Dr Sparkle is fully aware I am going on a date…he is voiced a few cheeky objections, but if he won’t make a move what is stopping me, right?).

I started chatting to Poison Dwarf at the weekend. Actually, the same day I got the confirmation from the Marigold that things were most definitely over between me and MR BIG BLUE. Anyway, this one seems really cool. He is quite a bit older than me so it’s likely that he has had quite a bit more life experience than me. Good looking but in the George Clooney kind of way. He is really intelligent…well he should be as he is an academic. The banter is amazing. The first guy from internet dating/Tinder that I’ve actually clicked with. He is really intelligent and witty. I like the conversation – its fun.

Only thing is I’m really brave when I am sitting a home on the sofa typing away on my phone. But I don’t think I’ll be the same when I meet him in person. I think I will be super shy and a bit of a bumbling idiot. I mean flirted quite a bit over the phone (we’ve even discussed 50 Shades of Grey – yup, I know!) but I don’t know if it’ll be the same tonight. I can talk the talk but deep down I’m just a good girl…so I really hope he doesn’t think otherwise because of all my smack talk.

First Date Jitters- I know how he feels…

Its not like I haven’t been out on any other dates during the ‘grey area’ period with MR BIG BLUE. Remember the Yogic Banker? But this is the first time, I actually feel free to be myself and let go and if something happens, it happens. In all the other cases, I think even if I had felt attracted to the guys there is no way I would have let anything happened while I thought there was even the slightest chance that I could have a future with MR BIG BLUE. But I think this time its different. If something is going to happen I can well and truly be open to it.

So here I am sitting at my desk totally full of nerves about tonight. But that’s a good thing, right? There is part of me expecting him to message and cancel or not pitch at all. Oh and what if he really is a dwarf, like Tatyana and Dr Sparkle decided last night. Eeek !!

So what do you think about me dating so soon after MR BIG BLUE? Is it OK or do you think it’s a recipe for disaster? Are first date nerves normal?

Send me lots of good vibes please. I need a bit of happiness in my life right now.

Lots of love

Cinders x o x o

Acceptance – The FINAL Revelation

I have finally accepted it is over with MR BIG BLUE and there is no chance we will ever get back together EVER.

After speaking to his mum last week things were a lot clearer. Even the people that were supposed to be on his side were telling me to walk away.

Following my reunion with MR BIG BLUE last week when I told him about the rumours that were going around and encouraged to fight them, the Oracle phoned me and said that they wanted to hold a meeting at the Hare Krishna temple and they wanted to confront the situation to see if MR BIG BLUE had lied on the Bhagavad-Gita to get his initiation.  As it was accusations from the Other Women had got this thing started in the first place they want the meeting to be between MR BIG BLUE, the Other Women, the Oracle, the head of the temple and me.

I told MR BIG BLUE that I had been asked to attend the meeting. At first he seemed quite shocked and said he didn’t want me to be there because he was afraid the other parties would want to hurt me. I told him I was already hurt by what had been said so far and I would just rather have the truth. There was a long silence then. He then contacted me saying he thinks I should attend the meeting and we could fight together as I team and I would just need to back him up and say we had only been friends for the past two years (yeah right – I think by this stage even this idiot had begun to believe his own lies). He told me I would do it if I was his real friend (blackmail?!). I played along.

Then I emailed the Marigold – a very senior figure that MR BIG BLUE looks up to. I told him about the rumours, the meeting and the awkward position I was put being. He responded to my very detailed email with this short message:

Thank you for the message.

MR BIG BLUE has told me that he and the Divorcee are serious about their relationship, and want to go ahead together.

Certainly you should just be open and straightforward when the meeting happens. You have nothing to lose by being honest.

So there it was in black and white. It was no longer just a rumour. MR BIG BLUE had gone and confided in a person who he values over anyone in his family. It was true.

Despite all MR BIG BLUE’S statements, the Marigold knew the truth. Only a few months he had spoken to me about getting married to MR BIG BLUE. So he knew we weren’t just friends. All these lies. What a messed up situation. It took a while to settle in. I slept on it. But it was now there, out in the open.

Acceptance – Finally !

The next day I visited the Hare Krishna temple to speak with the Oracle. I had already arranged to meet him to discuss what would and wouldn’t be said in the meeting. As soon as I met him I told him that it was over between MR BIG BLUE and I. There you go. I said it, old loud, for the first. It was OVER. We were no longer on a break. We were no longer a grey area. There was not a chance in hell we would be getting back together. It was well and truly OVER. I had accepted it. Totally 100%.

Talking to the Oracle always makes things seem better. At first he seemed disappointed that things had finished as he had always been a supporter of our relationship. I explained the position I was in. He suggested maybe I didn’t come to the meeting. That way I wouldn’t be forced to lie. This seemed like a pretty good idea. I just needed to consider how MR BIG BLUE would take it (not that it should really matter after everything he had put me through). The Oracle also said that there had been a purpose for me in all this drama. He said that MR BIG BLUE had brought me to Krishna and there was something good in that. The Oracle also took my hand and looked at the lines. He said there was another relationship on the horizon (well in about 4 years) and he said that would be the man I’d marry. I don’t know how much I believe him but it was nice to be given some hope. He also said that there was a lesson here and I needed to make better choices…with my head, rather than my heart. He said that he could tell I was a person of high-moral character and I should look for someone I could respect rather than someone I needed to fix.

HOPE – Thanks to the Oracle for giving me a little bit of HOPE for the future. Just need the pain to end now.

So there you have it. Acceptance.

So do you think this is a turning point for me? Do you think I’ve finally accepted things are over with MR BIG BLUE? Do you think I am being a coward by not going to a meeting where I could completely destroy MR BIG BLUE and bring down all his lies? Or do you think I am right to walk away from this now and let MR BIG BLUE get on with his own sordid little life with the Divorcee? What do you think about the hope given to me by the Oracle? Is it worth believing that there is still somewhere waiting for me to come along?

Look forward to hearing what y’all have to say.

LOVE Cinders x o x o

The Sounds of Heartbreak – A Mother’s Love

So for a long time readers of this blog have been telling me to come clean to my family and friends about the Mr BIG BLUE situation and to stop protecting him. Yesterday, I took the first step.

MR BIG BLUE’S Mum contacted me as she had received some messages from him saying that he was struggling and needed help and unconditional love from his family. Hearing those messages broke my heart because he did have unconditional love from me but he was willing to give that up for the Divorcee, a more lavish lifestyle with a cookie-cutter Hare Krishna girl.

His mum was asking me what was going on and when I’d last seen him. I finally buckled. I just opened up to her. I told her things weren’t so good. I said that I saw him on Monday and we talked and I couldn’t figure out what was going on with him. I told her that as far as I knew he wasn’t living at the Hare Krishna temple anymore but nobody knew where he was. I explained that he had been cagey and she agreed he was acting out of character.

secret sharing

She kept asking me questions about how he got the money to go to India (he hasn’t been working for over two years now). She asked me why he came back so soon (nobody really knows but I am sure the Divorcee had something to do with it). I didn’t have the answers she was looking for… I wanted her help and I couldn’t keep the information to myself anymore. So I told her.

I told her I had my suspicions about him being involved with someone else and that there were rumours going around at the temple. I told her I had a inclining about who it was. I provided her with a name, age, religious inclination (oh and I provided her with the small token bitchy bit of information that the divorcee was one of those girls who were married and divorced by the age of 32 😉 ). I told her I hadn’t got any concrete evidence yet but my gut was telling me something. I explained how MR BIG BLUE had lied on the Bhagavad-Gita about him and I just being good friends. And how he had portrayed me to people at the temple as a crazed ex-girlfriend who couldn’t get over him (for 2 years). I also told her about the Other Women.

She was angry. She told me that I shouldn’t let him manipulate. She phoned him and asked him straight what was going on. He was still cagey with her. Then she asked him how things were going with me and he replied we were really great friends as always. This made her crazy mad. She told me she was hurt because she’d thought they had trained him better than this and she was upset at the way he’d treated me. Hearing her say this broke my heart. I told her not to blame herself for any of this and that the reason I fell in love with MR BIG BLUE was because he was brought up to be a gentleman. I said that if I blamed anyone for this change in his behaviour it would be the Hare Krishna’s and not his folks. She said that as far as his father and she were concerned I had always been the right one for their son and that they saw that while he did try and manipulate me at times, they knew I was strong and independent enough to handle him. She said that he was the loser in all of this and that his family would be there for me if ever I needed anything.

Seeing his Mother so upset broke my heart. Knowing that she was such a good person that she’d protect me over her own son meant the world to me. She is truly amazing and I will love her forever for being the first person who shared this burden with me. I cried myself to sleep last night.

Breakup Family
Does he have a point?

So over to y’all now… Do you think it was a step forward that I told someone what had truly happened? Or have I just served to hurt another innocent person? How important is family approval to the success of a relationship? Have I possibly ruined the chances of the Divorcee being welcomed into this amazing family (where she does not deserve to be in my humble opinion)? What do you do when a relationship and break-up goes beyond just two people? How do you say goodbye to a family that you have grown to love and still care about?

As usual I really do need your thoughts and good vibes right now, more than ever. Please comment and offer your much-needed pearls of wisdom. You will make my day.

Till a better day (hopefully).

LOVE Cinders x o x o

Can a relationship ever survive if its built on a foundation of lies ?

Don’t hate me for writing the post. I know it makes me sound likes the jilted ex but these thoughts keep swirling around in my mind and I want to hear your take on it. I’d love to get some conversation and debate going on here. I mentioned to some of you that I’d like to write a book based on this blog at some point, so its always worth causing a stir. Artistic licence or something like that.

Even though when I met MR BIG BLUE on Monday he wouldn’t admit to being involved with the Divorcee,my gut still tells me something is going on. The same way it did a couple of years back with the Other Women. My gut hasn’t failed me before and I doubt it will now.

I admit that part of this is based on jealousy, so please feel free to call me out as I know some of you will. When I think about the ‘relationship’ between MR BIG BLUE and the Divorcee, i just want to shake him and scream : ‘What the hell are you thinking, dude?’. To me it seems that maybe she is ideal for him in his eyes but all the sneaking around, hiding and not being able to be open about being in a relationship with someone you supposedly love – isn’t this is all a basis for failure?

relationship foundation
How important are truthful foundations?

Before I met MR BIG BLUE I’d never been truly open about a relationship before. When I look back now, I think subconsciously I knew that those guys that I was ‘dating’ previously weren’t anything to be proud of and clearly not people I thought were worth introducing to my family or friends (although, at the time I would never have admitted it). But even those relationships weren’t in the same league of what MR BIG BLUE and the Divorcee are doing.

I understand there are many potential reasons for sneaking around. She wants to keep it hidden because the divorce isn’t even finalized and the Hare Krishna community will definitely judge her from jumping into something new so soon. He wouldn’t want it to come out because it will simply serve to reinforce this image of him as a ladies man…after all it seems that many people had some knowledge about his affairs with the Other Women.You must understand that the Hare Krishnas are incredibly religious and wouldn’t really approve of such sordid behaviour so I figure to some extent they are trying to save themselves from being ostracized.

OK, but beyond the Hare Krishna community, what reasons do they have from hiding in the real world. MR BIG BLUE introduced me to his family within one month of knowing me (even though at the time, I could have been just a mere holiday romance). He took me to their beautiful estate and showed me where he grew up. I remember clearly the night before we went on that trip, I complained that he never wanted to take me out and show me off. He replied by saying he is showing me off to the only people that matter…i.e his family. They’d also met the girlfriend before me. But not the Other Women and the Divorcee…I wonder why?! In my mind, if you truly love someone especially in the early honeymoon stage, you should be desperate to show them off proudly.

In one of my conversations with the Oracle, he said one thing that sticks with me. He basically said he’d always thought our relationship had been good for MR BIG BLUE and that I really was the right girl for him and with regards to the Divorcee situation he said she must remember that ‘if he did it with you, he’d eventually do it to you’. Meaning that he cheated on me with her, and eventually he’d get bored of her as well and find another chick to cheat on her with. I wonder.

lies in relationships
My sentiments exactly

The thing is with myself and MR BIG BLUE there was no cheating. I was never an ‘other’ women to him. When we met we were young and things were really clear cut. It was just the two of us against the world. Making the most of every moment and having amazing adventures. Whatever messes we created along the way, I know that our relationship started of beautifully and noone can take that away from me. That is why I will never hate him. I will love him for those memories. It doesn’t mean I won’t be able to create new memories with someone else but all I am saying is that our relationship worked for as long as it did because the basic foundation was based on a truth.

So what I am asking all of you is that can a relationship ever survive if its built on a foundation of lies? Can an affair really blossom into something decent a real? Were any of you once the other women/man in an affair? How did things turn out?

I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for listening.

Lots of Love Cinders x o x o