Acceptance – The FINAL Revelation

I have finally accepted it is over with MR BIG BLUE and there is no chance we will ever get back together EVER.

After speaking to his mum last week things were a lot clearer. Even the people that were supposed to be on his side were telling me to walk away.

Following my reunion with MR BIG BLUE last week when I told him about the rumours that were going around and encouraged to fight them, the Oracle phoned me and said that they wanted to hold a meeting at the Hare Krishna temple and they wanted to confront the situation to see if MR BIG BLUE had lied on the Bhagavad-Gita to get his initiation.  As it was accusations from the Other Women had got this thing started in the first place they want the meeting to be between MR BIG BLUE, the Other Women, the Oracle, the head of the temple and me.

I told MR BIG BLUE that I had been asked to attend the meeting. At first he seemed quite shocked and said he didn’t want me to be there because he was afraid the other parties would want to hurt me. I told him I was already hurt by what had been said so far and I would just rather have the truth. There was a long silence then. He then contacted me saying he thinks I should attend the meeting and we could fight together as I team and I would just need to back him up and say we had only been friends for the past two years (yeah right – I think by this stage even this idiot had begun to believe his own lies). He told me I would do it if I was his real friend (blackmail?!). I played along.

Then I emailed the Marigold – a very senior figure that MR BIG BLUE looks up to. I told him about the rumours, the meeting and the awkward position I was put being. He responded to my very detailed email with this short message:

Thank you for the message.

MR BIG BLUE has told me that he and the Divorcee are serious about their relationship, and want to go ahead together.

Certainly you should just be open and straightforward when the meeting happens. You have nothing to lose by being honest.

So there it was in black and white. It was no longer just a rumour. MR BIG BLUE had gone and confided in a person who he values over anyone in his family. It was true.

Despite all MR BIG BLUE’S statements, the Marigold knew the truth. Only a few months he had spoken to me about getting married to MR BIG BLUE. So he knew we weren’t just friends. All these lies. What a messed up situation. It took a while to settle in. I slept on it. But it was now there, out in the open.

acceptance
Acceptance – Finally !

The next day I visited the Hare Krishna temple to speak with the Oracle. I had already arranged to meet him to discuss what would and wouldn’t be said in the meeting. As soon as I met him I told him that it was over between MR BIG BLUE and I. There you go. I said it, old loud, for the first. It was OVER. We were no longer on a break. We were no longer a grey area. There was not a chance in hell we would be getting back together. It was well and truly OVER. I had accepted it. Totally 100%.

Talking to the Oracle always makes things seem better. At first he seemed disappointed that things had finished as he had always been a supporter of our relationship. I explained the position I was in. He suggested maybe I didn’t come to the meeting. That way I wouldn’t be forced to lie. This seemed like a pretty good idea. I just needed to consider how MR BIG BLUE would take it (not that it should really matter after everything he had put me through). The Oracle also said that there had been a purpose for me in all this drama. He said that MR BIG BLUE had brought me to Krishna and there was something good in that. The Oracle also took my hand and looked at the lines. He said there was another relationship on the horizon (well in about 4 years) and he said that would be the man I’d marry. I don’t know how much I believe him but it was nice to be given some hope. He also said that there was a lesson here and I needed to make better choices…with my head, rather than my heart. He said that he could tell I was a person of high-moral character and I should look for someone I could respect rather than someone I needed to fix.

hope
HOPE – Thanks to the Oracle for giving me a little bit of HOPE for the future. Just need the pain to end now.

So there you have it. Acceptance.

So do you think this is a turning point for me? Do you think I’ve finally accepted things are over with MR BIG BLUE? Do you think I am being a coward by not going to a meeting where I could completely destroy MR BIG BLUE and bring down all his lies? Or do you think I am right to walk away from this now and let MR BIG BLUE get on with his own sordid little life with the Divorcee? What do you think about the hope given to me by the Oracle? Is it worth believing that there is still somewhere waiting for me to come along?

Look forward to hearing what y’all have to say.

LOVE Cinders x o x o

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Is it written in the stars or just Hocus Pocus?

Spending time with the Hare Krishna’s got me thinking a bit about Vedic astrology. I’ve never been one for star signs, tarot cards, crystal balls and the like. I’ve always believed that I am the master of my own destiny and I have the power to shape my future any which way I wanted to. Still, there was a part of me that was curious as to whether my future could be pre-destined or maybe that I could be warned of something so I could prepare myself (maybe some mystic fortune teller could have told me how badly MR BIG BLUE would break my heart).

In my conversations with the Other Women she said she had got a compatibility chart done for her and MR BIG BLUE (before they were due to run away and get married – LOL (sorry I just do have to laugh every time I say that out load). She said when she initially sent her details (place, date and time of birth) the astrologer responded to her with a positive reading saying that MR BIG BLUE would help her through a tough phase in her life and then she would do the same for him. But then she realised she’d got his date of birth all wrong (great girlfriend she was, right? Cinders never forget MR BIG BLUE’s birthday) and when she asked for the reading to be done again with the correct date of birth the astrologer responded with a single line. RUN. RUN FOR THE HILLS. (Quite dramatic, I know).

run for the hills
The Astrologer’s Advice to the Other Women

So this got me thinking what would a astrological chart look like between MR BIG BLUE and I. I decided not to go with the astrologer recommended by the Hare Krishnas but use the services of a fellow blogger – Rima Desai, whose blog I had been following for some time. As a sceptic I wasn’t going to take everything that was said gospel and I made that clear to Rima. I wanted to test her a little bit so I asked her to start by telling me a bit about my past (and that of MR BIG BLUE) that way I could get an idea of how much of the astrological reading about my future and compatibility with MR BIG BLUE could be accurate.

Before I go into Rima’s response I should say that in order to do an astrological reading correctly, the astrologer needs to know a person’s time, date and place of birth correctly. In the case of both MR BIG BLUE and I we both did not have an accurate time of birth – I could give Rima a rough estimate of my time but all I could get with regards to MR BIG BLUE was that he was born in the morning.  MR BIG BLUE was adopted (and has big mummy issues because of it but that’s all to be discussed in another post). But what I do want to note right here is that this was one big loophole in the Other Women’s story…she said she had the reading done, but how exactly would the astrologer have done the reading withour MR BIG BLUEs time of birth ?! Go figure!

Fortune-Teller
Can the future really be predicted?

In reference to me though, this lack of information sadly limited how much detail Rima could provide within the reading. However with regards to my character and past Rima responded by saying.

You could have had a very strict or depressing upbringing …parents could have been very tough on you, overly strict or absent (one or both).This gives you a tendency to be depressed often, feel very low, negative, burdened, or cold. This however, also makes you a very determined personality – if you want something, you want it so bad, and you will get it no matter what.

My reaction to her comments:

I wouldn’t say my parents were very strict or my upbringing was depressing. However, both my parents worked really long hours and at weekends. But when we did spend time together it was good quality time. There was a time in my life when my Mother and I really didn’t get on. We’d fight a lot and argue over the slightest thing. She used to sort of bully me about me weight and compare me to others. But things are different now we have dealt with these issues. I am an only child so I guess I could get lonely at times too. 

I do get sad quite often because I always compare myself to others. I keep myself to myself – so maybe sometimes I come across as cold.  I am definitely determined and headstrong – I run marathons 😉 I made a long distance relationship work against all odds…so I guess you can say I get what I want.

*** 

I’ve decided I’m going to stop there because I don’t want to overwhelm you with the whole reading just yet. So now I open the floor to you my dearest little angels 🙂

Do you believe in astrology? Do you believe that our paths are already mapped out for us? Or are we truly the Masters of our own destinies? Do you think horoscopes/astrological readings have the potential to be accurate or do they work only when we force ourselves to read them in a certain way? What do you think of the information Rima provided thus far? Do you think I am opening a can of worms by getting astrological readings done for MR BIG BLUE and I? Have you ever had any readings done for yourself or your relationship with someone else? Were the outcomes positive or accurate? Please share your experiences. 

And always till the next update stay AWESOME my hummingbird cupcakes 🙂

Lots and Lots of LOVE

(Starry eyed) Cinders x o x o

P.S. If you keen to find our more about astrology or get a reading done yourself visit Rima’s website – Rima Desai’s : Scuba Diving into the Mind’s Pool