A Bad Boy with a Spark of Decency

The fact that I’ve been quiet is a sign that I’m living. Maybe living a bit too much, but living all the same.

Since my last update, things have been pretty quiet on the MR BIG BLUE front. Although the Oracle and I had a conversation about my worries on MR BIG BLUE’s suicidal tendencies and he is helping by keeping an eye and also trying to engage with MR BIG BLUE. I think it is helpful to share the burden, its not really fair that I have to deal with these issues when I am trying to get on with my life.

Speaking of getting on with my life, I am trying. I’ve become a serial tinder/OKCupid dater. I’ve dated some real weirdoes (for instance, a guy who told me I looked nothing like my profile photo and it was false advertising) and then some real sweethearts (there was one who was just too innocent, I had to message him after our first date to say I didn’t want anything romantic because I am not in the right space and I just felt I would end up corrupting his innocence, the same way MR BIG BLUE did to me). But at the end of the day internet dating is internet dating and I very much doubt I am going to meet my future husband online. Because ultimately I am looking for a story…an epic adventure and not one that starts ‘Once upon a time I swiped right on Tinder….’

Now onto the main event. Not my finest moment.

So after what everyone said about JSWIPE, I still chatted to him. I’ve decided that while I am a good girl and true romantic at heart, I need to have fun. I need to go out, drink, dance and party the night away (and yes maybe have a fling or two who cares). No one night stands, but I think I could deal with a fling (friends with benefits kinda vibe). Maybe something light-hearted could be fun (or a learning experience if nothing else).

Thursday – a school night, I decided to have some quiet drink with a new friend of mine, Moosey Monroe. So Crazy Moosey Monroe and I started with a couple of glasses of wine at my place, which was nice. With some light-hearted conversation mostly about our dating histories. She is the total opposite of me. Lots of experience but never had anything long-term. Apparently she is a commitment-phone (just like JSWIPE). In fact, he came up a lot in our conversation and Moosey Monroe’s insight was that if I wanted to get his attention, I needed to get his attention. JSWIPE and I had previously chatted and we’d said we might meet up later that night at a local bar where his friend was DJ’ing. So when Moosey Monroe and I went out to our first bar stop (where we had a lot of fun vibing with two random guys). I have to say I had fun with Moosey Monroe as my new wing women. She got me to message JSWIPE telling him she was making me drink tequila shots (which she subsequently got me to do).

tequila
Tequila – Always the Beginning of the End

Anyway, we then moved onto the place we were going to meet JSWIPE. Moosey Monroe was chatting up every guy in sight. JSWIPE hadn’t yet arrived. I decided to explore the quaint little venue. I wondered up some stairs and sat by myself for a bit contemplating life (by this I mean dreaming of JSWIPE). After a while I decided I should go find Moosey Monroe and I was going down to find when I slipped and FELL DOWN THE STAIRS. If that wasn’t bad enough, guess who was at the bottom of the stairs ? None other than JSWIPE. WTF??? He helped me up and dusted me off. I was sooooo embarrassed. Gosh, why did he have to arrive the moment I fell down ??? What the hell?

Anyway, he was SUPER sweet (now you all have to change your opinions of him). He tried to massage my bruised ego and we chatted a bit. Then he said he would drive me home as Moosey Monroe was busy making out with most of the clubs population. On the drive home, I talked even more nonsense. Basically telling him that I wanted to be more like Moosey Monroe (i.e be easy and less of a hopeless romantic good girl) because after all she looked like she was having more fun that I was (in other words, I was trying to subltly tell him I was available for him to have his wicked way with). He was really really sweet and told me I should never become like her, because I am the kind of girl who actually cares about things and that isn’t a bad thing. And get this he dropped me home and made NO MOVES whatsoever. Made sure I was home safe and then drove away.

Is this what I've done with JSWIPE?
Is this what I’ve done with JSWIPE?

I went to sleep so angry and upset. I had waited so long to see him and then all that happened was that I made a complete fool out of myself. I decided he no longer found me attractive after seeing me fall down the stairs and talk so much drivel. But the next morning, I thought about it and realised how good it was that he didn’t take advantage of me when I was in such a state of stupidity (see he has a spark of decency). I think that fact that he didn’t actually makes me like him more.

Now tell me what you have to say. Have you all changed your mind about JSWIPE? Do you think he drove me home and didn’t take things further because he doesn’t find me attractive anymore after my drunken shenanigans? Or do you think he actually realised I was a nice girl who doesn’t deserve to get hurt by a commitment-phobe? And what do you all think of my new friend Moosey Monroe? Bad influence or just who I need to lift my spirits?

The Bad, The Bad and The Ugly – The Men in Cinders’ World

I am feeling a bit disillusioned with men in general right now. I’ve tried this whole dating thing. Most of the time I find it a complete waste of time. Most of my dates have been totally dull and the only one I had chemistry with is sorting of playing hard to get and is a bit of a bad boy. I still have the cloud of MR BIG BLUE hanging over me. So break it down and take things piece by piece (or man by man).

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
There is no GOOD in my Story 😦

The Bad – MR BIG BLUE

Drama. Drama. Drama. Gosh where do I start?

So last week MR BIG BLUE and I were messaging each other. His usual stuff about how he is having a hard time and he is not sure he made the right decision. We chatted about our past and got a bit nostalgic. He said no one would ever understand what we had and that we would never really get over each other (his words not mine). I have to admit the biatch me enjoyed the conversation. It was good to see that there is trouble in paradise. It felt like I could tell the Divorcee : ‘See you home-wrecking slut, your money only got you so far, you’ll never have the same stories, adventures and fun that MR BIG BLUE and I had because you are a bitter, twisted and messed up individual’. But the good part of me, also felt sad. Sad for MR BIG BLUE. He clearly made a rash decision. He followed the dollar signs and it got him nowhere fast (well maybe just a free trip to India) but like they say there is no such thing as a free lunch. It seems that the Divorcee controls the purse strings and that means she controls MR BIG BLUE…She has basically forced him to isolate himself from his family, friends and the temple. And now she has put a ban of him talking to me…

Basically, she found the messages we’d been sending each other and she went mad. Boo hoo. Now she gets a taste of her own medicine. She can see that MR BIG BLUE and I had/have a connection that no amount of money can buy. She can buy him a new Samsung phone, a motorbike to kill himself on (like she did for her ex/not yet ex-husband) and basically everything his heart desires but she’ll never be able to buy him a replacement for the real-life feathered friend I got him, and even if she did it would never be the same. You are just not a Princess like ME, chick !

But before you ask? No. I don’t want him back. Not now or not ever.

The Bad – JSWIPE

The Bad Boy (well considering his age it’s more of The Bad Man) is kinda/sorta MIA. Well, its his religious holiday so he is busy praying and telling stories (or whatever it is religious people do on such holy occasions). What is it with me and religious men, hey? These bad boys that seem to want to be all good in the eyes of God. I think I may have offended him at some point with my slightly un-PC comments about God. Anyway, I’ve backed down and limited my conversations with him until he gets a bit more serious and tell me what he wants from me. Clearly, we both know we are incompatible on a serious level, but I can tell he still enjoys the banter and finds me attractive to some extent, because why would he messaging me then? Either way it works. I know it’s nothing serious.

The Ugly (or should I say unattractive) – The Rest

But I have to admit, thanks to JSWIPE, dating just became a whole lot tougher.

When my friends find a guy they sort of like, they delete themselves off Tinder and focus solely on him. I don’t feel I need/want to do this with JSWIPE. He really hasn’t made enough effort to become my main focus. So I’ll keep playing the field. But this is easier said than done As I keep going out with a few guys but I just can’t enjoy myself or find them attractive. There is no chemistry because the fact is I just keep comparing them to the chemistry I had on the first date with JSWIPE.

I’ve totally friend-zoned the Handy Man and we hang out quite a lot but just a friends. He knows his place now so its all good.

Dr Sparkle is a douche. He found a ‘girlfriend’. He literally spends 24/7 with her and has completely ditched me and Tatyana. It’s not healthy. He looks really rough for it – I beginning to question why I ever really crushed on him. He is a useless friend and quite a useless person in general.

So that’s my love life update for now folks. I will try to be a little more pro-active and find that hopeless romantic girl inside me again…but maybe she has gone for good. Give me some motivation and tips. Purleeeeease.

Till I find my mojo again,

LOVE Cinders x o x o

Third Time … An April Fool?

I’ve been quiet for a while now and some of you’ve actually noticed. (thanks for that I am extremely flattered). This is for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, I moved into my castle at the weekend (yay) far far far away from the evil clutches of Crazy Cat Lady. I’m now closer to my friends and where the actions at which really helps when it comes to going out and having fun (maybe/maybe not…you can decide by the end of this post).

Secondly, MR BIG BLUE is still playing his mind games. He messaged me a couple of days ago saying he was really proud of me for getting my own house and doing well in my job (not that I actually am…I think he needed something to say). He asked me what I was doing these days and I replied that I was doing whatever I needed to get over him. His response was to say we’ll never get over each other. Please shed a tear for him.

Thirdly, and most foolishly, I met up with JSWIPE for a third ‘date’ (if you can even call it that). He was DJ’ing at a music event and he invited me along (another date of convenience?). I am a terrible person. I had another date already arranged with a guy I met once last week – let’s call him the The Handy Man (because the only move he made during the first date was to hold me hand when crossing the road which was incredibly adorable). He is a really sweet guy but I’ve totally friend-zoned him but he is new to town and only here for a short time so I thought why not hang out as the conversation is good. So I was left with a dilemma. I would have felt bad ditching The Handy Man but I really really do have fun with JSwipe and I was curious to see him DJ.

dinner date
Date Night Part 1- Friend Zone Dinner with the HandyMan

So I did a terrible thing and I decided I’d see them both in them both in one night. The Handy Man picked me up and took me into town for supper. After being rejected from two restaurants (poor guy really felt embarrassed about it), we finally got lucky and got a spot. The conversation and the wine flowed well and we talked about a number of things. From the start I made it clear that I had to go to watch a ‘friend’ so my cards were on the table. And then towards the end of the night we got on the topic of the friends-zone and I told him straight that’s where he and I were at. I think he was cool with it because he knows he can’t have anything real while he is only in the country for a short-time. (I don’t need to feel too bad for ditching him, right? I need some reassurance here people).

2ND
Date Nite Part 2 – DJ JSWIPE

Then there was Part 2 of the night which was actually the third date with JSWIPE.  I got to the bar and he was already on stage so I got myself some wine and enjoyed the music. I was super nervous about being there alone so I told a friend of mine that they’d need to be on there phone to converse with me so I didn’t look too awkward. So I spent quite some time busying myself on my phone until he made eye-contact with me. After his set was done he came over and we chatted a bit. He introduced me to a few people and did his rounds. We had a little dance and he kissed me in public (so there to all the my hater friends who told me he didn’t want to be seen out in public with me). He took me home and we the chit-chat was really fun on the drive back. And now someone is going to kill me (but remember I am in my late 20s) I invited him in to see my castle. We stayed up talking till the early hours of the morning and eventually fell asleep on the sofa (and I do literally mean we slept). So that was that. Another totally fun time with JSWIPE.

So now compadres lets talk. What the hell is with MR BIG BLUE? Trouble in Divorcee Paradise? Do you think I am a bad person for hanging out with the Handy Man? Or was it good that I friend zoned him? And most importantly, what are your thoughts now on the JSWIPE situation? Am I doing as my friends say and always going for the bad guy? Am I the ultimate April Fool?

Happy April to y’all

Love Cinders x o x o

Its a Small ‘Dating’ World after all – A ‘Funny’ Anecdote

Here is a little story that is going to blow you mind. Well, it blew mine.

So let’s rewind to Thursday night. I met up with Dr Sparkle and Tatyana to do a debrief on my date with JSWIPE 😉 Don’t judge us…it’s what we do. (Maybe I should tell you that JSWIPE also saw our group messages where I had Tatyana asking me whether he was a good kisser and Dr Sparkle shouting at me not to kiss a midget…But he was a good sport about it all, messaging them back and telling them that all objectives had been achieved and they needed to find themselves dates instead of being voyeurs…see why I like him!!).

Anyway, there I was busy giving them all the gory details and telling them how JSWIPE and I had talked about everything from politics and race to bad Tinder dates and Fifty Shades of Grey. When I mentioned Tinder dates both Tatyana and Dr Sparkle started to giggle. I didn’t really know why they got the giggles but I just carried on with my swoonery over JSWIPE.

Doubledate
Maybe we should have all gone on a double date instead?

When I finished my story…Dr Sparkle said he had something to share and Tatyana said she was glad I was sitting down to hear this story. OK, a bit strange but I was all ears. Apparently Dr Sparkle had had his own Tinder date while I was out with JSWIPE (little did I know, he never shares his stories with us). He said it had gone pretty well and that they had also shared a little kiss which could have potentially progressed to more except he put the brakes on (yeah, yeah, Dr Sparkle you are such a special guy). Anyway, they too had discussed past Tinder dates and she had mentioned a very clever guy that she’d been on a date with, but the date had ended terribly with them having an argument.

Dr Sparkle being the clever guy that he is (almost academically on par with JSWIPE) put two and two together and asked his date if her date was JSWIPE. And…. It was!!! What the hell??? What are the chances that Dr Sparkle (a guy I’ve been crushing on) and I go on separate dates with new people who happen to have previously dated each other. I was a little ewww’d out to be honest and a little bit upset that Dr Sparkle hadn’t told us about his date on the pre-brief!

It seems that this dating world is a pretty small place. Its not like we even live in a small town. OK, we don’t live in a huge metropolis like London, New York or Paris but it is a city nonetheless. What are the chances?! OK, so there you have it…my mind blowing small world story. Its pretty damn weird if you ask me.

Now your turn…have you ever had any similar small world moments whilst dating? Do you think its weird that DR Sparkle figured this whole thing out? Do you think the story is even real (although JSWIPE also confirmed he had one date which ended in an argument)? Could Dr Sparkle be playing some game with me (because he really wasn’t keen on me going out with SWIPE in the first place and has told me to totally stop talking to him now…for what reason I don’t really know)? Oh,and does this story show that JSWIPE is a serial dater? Does it really matter anyway? Also, do you think this little anecdote says anything about Dr Sparkle and I having certain types which crossover?

Give me your thoughts.

Lots of Love

Cinders x o x o

P.S If anyone gets what is especially special (super special) about this post I will give you a PRIZE.

Surviving Valentine’s Weekend

Hey strangers 🙂 I hope you haven’t missed me too much over the last few days. I am glad to tell you that I didn’t top myself and I am still alive having survived Valentine’s weekend. I did promise you all that I wouldn’t cry myself to sleep thinking about MR BIG BLUE and I’d find some productive things to do in order to make the weekend of hearts, flowers and all things sickeningly romantic bearable and I am pleased to report I succeeded.

So let’s rewind back to Friday, or Valentine’s Eve, for the more romantically incline among us. Friday involved some after work drinks with Tatyana and Dr.Sparkle (minus CCL who was out at psychiatrist following the previous week’s drama). Drinks were followed by a bit of a comedy show (which we had previously booked) which at least gave us a few laughs and meant than none of the singletons had to be a lone. The night ended with a little bit of drama (well, we wouldn’t have it any other way it seems) as Dr.Sparkle gets ‘lured’ into CCLs car and ends up ditching Tatyana and I (more about the Dr in a future post…I think).

I woke up on Saturday, V-DAY, ready to shoot myself in the head. No MR BIG BLUE. No messages from MR BIG BLUE. No flowers. No cards. No wild declarations of love. Nothing but a 90 minute hot yoga class to start the day off. The majority of the afternoon was spent visiting a underprivileged community with the Hare Krishnas and feeding the little kiddies. I wasn’t in the best of moods when I arrived but being around little kiddies who are too young to even understand that its V-DAY was wonderful. It also served to remind me that my life isn’t all that bad. I might not have MR BIG BLUE, but I do have a roof over my head (in fact, I am lucky enough to be getting my dream princess castle very soon), food (and champagne) in my stomach, friends who might cause drama but also lift my spirit when they need too and the most awesome family in the world, so I really shouldn’t be complaining.

boring date
Using the Yogic Banker as My Valentines Therapist …Eeek !

I refused to spend V-DAY evening alone at home with CCL and the kitties so I arranged a date with the Yogic Banker. Let me stress here, that I do not find him attractive in any way, shape or form…but we both agreed it would be good to have company. We went out for dinner and few drinks. I decided not to allow myself to get bored with his conversation and instead use him as my therapist (I am terrible, I know). I literally told him EVERYTHING about the past weeks friendship drama as well as EVERYTHING about MR BIG BLUE. It wasn’t probably the wisest thing to spend V-DAY evening talking about MR BIG BLUE but it felt good and it allowed me to get a lot of my chest…talking to someone random who didn’t have any pre-conceived ideas. All in all it was a good day…I won’t lie. There were some tears at the end of the night. I still miss MR BIG BLUE… but I survived the day in the best way I possibly could. I tried my best. Most of the day I kept him out of my mind and that was an achievement in itself.

Sunday, I got invited out for a picnic and concert with Dr Sparkle (told you I need another post about him didn’t and I) and I decided to drag Valentine’s Weekend on for an extra day and went to catch the 50 Shades of Grey movie (read PERVE FEST) with Tatyana last night (but again I will write a whole post on that at some point soon).

picnic
A Sunset Picnic with Dr Sparkle – Who is curious to know more?

Now over to y’all my fluffy bunnies. Tell me all about how you survived Valentines Weekend? Do you think I did well getting through the weekend of commercialized LOVE? Was it wrong that I used the Yogic Banker as a therapist on Valentine’s Day? Is it wrong that I still miss MR BIG BLUE? And are you curious to find out more about Dr.Sparkle?

Please please comment and ask questions. It really would mean the world to me.

Till the next episode of life without MR BIG BLUE,

Love you guys more than cherry pie, tacky cards and giant stuffed toys

Cinders x o o

The Epic Dating Fail

Well, seeing as everyone around me, including some of my dear readers, keeps telling me to give up on MR BIG BLUE move on with my life I decided to try and what a mistake that was…

I met the Yogic Banker online and we got chatting about a week ago. He seemed nice enough and we had a few things in common like yoga and traveling. So we decided to meet for dinner after work yesterday…that is where the problems started.

So after putting on some make up, a pair of heels and trying to look somewhat decent I headed out to my car (well, MR BIG BLUE’s car – remember he loaned it to me?). When I got in I realized it wouldn’t start as I had forgotten switch the lights off in the morning and the battery was completely dead (totally dumb ass move on Cinder’s part). Eeeeek !

Time for panic stations! I don’t exactly work it the busiest part of town so finding help wasn’t easy, especially on a Friday night when everyone leaves the office a little earlier. Luckily, I found a nice guy and a couple of cops who were willing to wait with me till I could get back on the road. It was clear that I was going to be late for the date so I messaged the Yogic Banker and let him know I would be late or maybe not even make it depending on the situation. He asked me where I was and said he would come a find me.

CAR BROKEN DOWN
Stupid Cinders…Damsel in Distress after leaving her car lights on all day 😉

When he arrived I didn’t even get a chance to give him the once over as I was so frantic about getting the car started. I was very frazzled and one of the cops began asking where certain things were in the car I replied I wasn’t so sure because the car wasn’t mine but belonged to my boyfriend. (Eeek! The Yogic Banker was standing right there!!) I quickly fumbled to correct myself and say I meant my ex-boyfriend but then the cop commented that it didn’t really matter because the ex-boyfriend must still love you if he gave you this car (blush!). It was way too late now the damage was done.

Eventually we got jumper cables and got the car started. I apologized to the Yogic Banker for the delay and asked what he wanted to do. He said we still go and have dinner. So we both set off…I am not going to lie and say I wasn’t tempted to detour and flake on what would be a pretty awkward date, but my decent side got the better of me.

Finally, once we sat down and got some beers I had the chance to assess The Yogic Banker. Hmm…looks wise he wasn’t someone I really found attractive. He wasn’t very tall and his hair was kinda greasy. Still, I remembered back to when I first met MR BIG BLUE on that fateful day 5 and half years ago and I remember how at that time I hadn’t thought he wasn’t my type either (but how wrong was I). So I thought what the hell, let me give The Yogic Banker a chance.

He was a nice, friendly guy who worked in asset management. He told me how he got retrenched a few years ago and use the severance package and the time on his hands to do a yoga teachers training course in India (what’s up with these guys and India, hey??). Anyway, he couldn’t really hold my attention during the conversation as he kept going off on a tangent about Swami So and So. And after being so exposed to the Hare Krishna movement I didn’t appreciate having the basics of Vedic Culture explained to me on the date. He hardly asked me about myself but I did manage to tell him what I do for a living and where I would be hopefully moving too at the end of the month.

bored
Cinders on her date with the Yogic Banker

I was getting bored and I was eager to get out of the restaurant. He kept wanting to talk but luckily I was saved by the bell as my friend Tatyana called me and asked me to come join her and another buddy of ours Dr Sparkle for a drink. So that gave me an out. I told him I had a fun time (I mean it’s only polite right?) but that I needed to scoot off. He said he had already had to had a long day so was have an early night. So he got the bill (nice that he was a bit old school) and he walked me to the car to make sure it would get started (that was super sweet). It did. I made a quick getaway and went to join Tatyana and Dr Sparkle for champagne at a fancy hotel. They helped redeem the evening so it wasn’t a complete waste of a Friday night (yes, I know I sound like a horrible person).

champagne
Thank goodness for great friends who rescue Cinders from bad dates and then drink inappropriate amounts of Champagne 🙂

The Yogic Banker messaged me to say he had a really good time and liked me. I politely replied I had fun too. He now wants to meet for coffee tomorrow.

So there goes. I tried dating. It failed. Now over to you my lovely dating gurus…

Do you think it is too soon for me to start dating again? Was the whole car/cop fiasco a sign from the universe telling me not to date? Do you think I was too harsh on The Yogic Banker? Do you think I should give him a chance and meet for coffee, just because he is a decent enough person and maybe good for the Friends Zone? Do you think I should keep trying?

Answers on a postcard please.

Till we meet again my angels,

LOVE Cinders x o x o