A Bad Boy with a Spark of Decency

The fact that I’ve been quiet is a sign that I’m living. Maybe living a bit too much, but living all the same.

Since my last update, things have been pretty quiet on the MR BIG BLUE front. Although the Oracle and I had a conversation about my worries on MR BIG BLUE’s suicidal tendencies and he is helping by keeping an eye and also trying to engage with MR BIG BLUE. I think it is helpful to share the burden, its not really fair that I have to deal with these issues when I am trying to get on with my life.

Speaking of getting on with my life, I am trying. I’ve become a serial tinder/OKCupid dater. I’ve dated some real weirdoes (for instance, a guy who told me I looked nothing like my profile photo and it was false advertising) and then some real sweethearts (there was one who was just too innocent, I had to message him after our first date to say I didn’t want anything romantic because I am not in the right space and I just felt I would end up corrupting his innocence, the same way MR BIG BLUE did to me). But at the end of the day internet dating is internet dating and I very much doubt I am going to meet my future husband online. Because ultimately I am looking for a story…an epic adventure and not one that starts ‘Once upon a time I swiped right on Tinder….’

Now onto the main event. Not my finest moment.

So after what everyone said about JSWIPE, I still chatted to him. I’ve decided that while I am a good girl and true romantic at heart, I need to have fun. I need to go out, drink, dance and party the night away (and yes maybe have a fling or two who cares). No one night stands, but I think I could deal with a fling (friends with benefits kinda vibe). Maybe something light-hearted could be fun (or a learning experience if nothing else).

Thursday – a school night, I decided to have some quiet drink with a new friend of mine, Moosey Monroe. So Crazy Moosey Monroe and I started with a couple of glasses of wine at my place, which was nice. With some light-hearted conversation mostly about our dating histories. She is the total opposite of me. Lots of experience but never had anything long-term. Apparently she is a commitment-phone (just like JSWIPE). In fact, he came up a lot in our conversation and Moosey Monroe’s insight was that if I wanted to get his attention, I needed to get his attention. JSWIPE and I had previously chatted and we’d said we might meet up later that night at a local bar where his friend was DJ’ing. So when Moosey Monroe and I went out to our first bar stop (where we had a lot of fun vibing with two random guys). I have to say I had fun with Moosey Monroe as my new wing women. She got me to message JSWIPE telling him she was making me drink tequila shots (which she subsequently got me to do).

tequila
Tequila – Always the Beginning of the End

Anyway, we then moved onto the place we were going to meet JSWIPE. Moosey Monroe was chatting up every guy in sight. JSWIPE hadn’t yet arrived. I decided to explore the quaint little venue. I wondered up some stairs and sat by myself for a bit contemplating life (by this I mean dreaming of JSWIPE). After a while I decided I should go find Moosey Monroe and I was going down to find when I slipped and FELL DOWN THE STAIRS. If that wasn’t bad enough, guess who was at the bottom of the stairs ? None other than JSWIPE. WTF??? He helped me up and dusted me off. I was sooooo embarrassed. Gosh, why did he have to arrive the moment I fell down ??? What the hell?

Anyway, he was SUPER sweet (now you all have to change your opinions of him). He tried to massage my bruised ego and we chatted a bit. Then he said he would drive me home as Moosey Monroe was busy making out with most of the clubs population. On the drive home, I talked even more nonsense. Basically telling him that I wanted to be more like Moosey Monroe (i.e be easy and less of a hopeless romantic good girl) because after all she looked like she was having more fun that I was (in other words, I was trying to subltly tell him I was available for him to have his wicked way with). He was really really sweet and told me I should never become like her, because I am the kind of girl who actually cares about things and that isn’t a bad thing. And get this he dropped me home and made NO MOVES whatsoever. Made sure I was home safe and then drove away.

Is this what I've done with JSWIPE?
Is this what I’ve done with JSWIPE?

I went to sleep so angry and upset. I had waited so long to see him and then all that happened was that I made a complete fool out of myself. I decided he no longer found me attractive after seeing me fall down the stairs and talk so much drivel. But the next morning, I thought about it and realised how good it was that he didn’t take advantage of me when I was in such a state of stupidity (see he has a spark of decency). I think that fact that he didn’t actually makes me like him more.

Now tell me what you have to say. Have you all changed your mind about JSWIPE? Do you think he drove me home and didn’t take things further because he doesn’t find me attractive anymore after my drunken shenanigans? Or do you think he actually realised I was a nice girl who doesn’t deserve to get hurt by a commitment-phobe? And what do you all think of my new friend Moosey Monroe? Bad influence or just who I need to lift my spirits?

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The Bad, The Bad and The Ugly – The Men in Cinders’ World

I am feeling a bit disillusioned with men in general right now. I’ve tried this whole dating thing. Most of the time I find it a complete waste of time. Most of my dates have been totally dull and the only one I had chemistry with is sorting of playing hard to get and is a bit of a bad boy. I still have the cloud of MR BIG BLUE hanging over me. So break it down and take things piece by piece (or man by man).

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
There is no GOOD in my Story 😦

The Bad – MR BIG BLUE

Drama. Drama. Drama. Gosh where do I start?

So last week MR BIG BLUE and I were messaging each other. His usual stuff about how he is having a hard time and he is not sure he made the right decision. We chatted about our past and got a bit nostalgic. He said no one would ever understand what we had and that we would never really get over each other (his words not mine). I have to admit the biatch me enjoyed the conversation. It was good to see that there is trouble in paradise. It felt like I could tell the Divorcee : ‘See you home-wrecking slut, your money only got you so far, you’ll never have the same stories, adventures and fun that MR BIG BLUE and I had because you are a bitter, twisted and messed up individual’. But the good part of me, also felt sad. Sad for MR BIG BLUE. He clearly made a rash decision. He followed the dollar signs and it got him nowhere fast (well maybe just a free trip to India) but like they say there is no such thing as a free lunch. It seems that the Divorcee controls the purse strings and that means she controls MR BIG BLUE…She has basically forced him to isolate himself from his family, friends and the temple. And now she has put a ban of him talking to me…

Basically, she found the messages we’d been sending each other and she went mad. Boo hoo. Now she gets a taste of her own medicine. She can see that MR BIG BLUE and I had/have a connection that no amount of money can buy. She can buy him a new Samsung phone, a motorbike to kill himself on (like she did for her ex/not yet ex-husband) and basically everything his heart desires but she’ll never be able to buy him a replacement for the real-life feathered friend I got him, and even if she did it would never be the same. You are just not a Princess like ME, chick !

But before you ask? No. I don’t want him back. Not now or not ever.

The Bad – JSWIPE

The Bad Boy (well considering his age it’s more of The Bad Man) is kinda/sorta MIA. Well, its his religious holiday so he is busy praying and telling stories (or whatever it is religious people do on such holy occasions). What is it with me and religious men, hey? These bad boys that seem to want to be all good in the eyes of God. I think I may have offended him at some point with my slightly un-PC comments about God. Anyway, I’ve backed down and limited my conversations with him until he gets a bit more serious and tell me what he wants from me. Clearly, we both know we are incompatible on a serious level, but I can tell he still enjoys the banter and finds me attractive to some extent, because why would he messaging me then? Either way it works. I know it’s nothing serious.

The Ugly (or should I say unattractive) – The Rest

But I have to admit, thanks to JSWIPE, dating just became a whole lot tougher.

When my friends find a guy they sort of like, they delete themselves off Tinder and focus solely on him. I don’t feel I need/want to do this with JSWIPE. He really hasn’t made enough effort to become my main focus. So I’ll keep playing the field. But this is easier said than done As I keep going out with a few guys but I just can’t enjoy myself or find them attractive. There is no chemistry because the fact is I just keep comparing them to the chemistry I had on the first date with JSWIPE.

I’ve totally friend-zoned the Handy Man and we hang out quite a lot but just a friends. He knows his place now so its all good.

Dr Sparkle is a douche. He found a ‘girlfriend’. He literally spends 24/7 with her and has completely ditched me and Tatyana. It’s not healthy. He looks really rough for it – I beginning to question why I ever really crushed on him. He is a useless friend and quite a useless person in general.

So that’s my love life update for now folks. I will try to be a little more pro-active and find that hopeless romantic girl inside me again…but maybe she has gone for good. Give me some motivation and tips. Purleeeeease.

Till I find my mojo again,

LOVE Cinders x o x o

Its a Small ‘Dating’ World after all – A ‘Funny’ Anecdote

Here is a little story that is going to blow you mind. Well, it blew mine.

So let’s rewind to Thursday night. I met up with Dr Sparkle and Tatyana to do a debrief on my date with JSWIPE 😉 Don’t judge us…it’s what we do. (Maybe I should tell you that JSWIPE also saw our group messages where I had Tatyana asking me whether he was a good kisser and Dr Sparkle shouting at me not to kiss a midget…But he was a good sport about it all, messaging them back and telling them that all objectives had been achieved and they needed to find themselves dates instead of being voyeurs…see why I like him!!).

Anyway, there I was busy giving them all the gory details and telling them how JSWIPE and I had talked about everything from politics and race to bad Tinder dates and Fifty Shades of Grey. When I mentioned Tinder dates both Tatyana and Dr Sparkle started to giggle. I didn’t really know why they got the giggles but I just carried on with my swoonery over JSWIPE.

Doubledate
Maybe we should have all gone on a double date instead?

When I finished my story…Dr Sparkle said he had something to share and Tatyana said she was glad I was sitting down to hear this story. OK, a bit strange but I was all ears. Apparently Dr Sparkle had had his own Tinder date while I was out with JSWIPE (little did I know, he never shares his stories with us). He said it had gone pretty well and that they had also shared a little kiss which could have potentially progressed to more except he put the brakes on (yeah, yeah, Dr Sparkle you are such a special guy). Anyway, they too had discussed past Tinder dates and she had mentioned a very clever guy that she’d been on a date with, but the date had ended terribly with them having an argument.

Dr Sparkle being the clever guy that he is (almost academically on par with JSWIPE) put two and two together and asked his date if her date was JSWIPE. And…. It was!!! What the hell??? What are the chances that Dr Sparkle (a guy I’ve been crushing on) and I go on separate dates with new people who happen to have previously dated each other. I was a little ewww’d out to be honest and a little bit upset that Dr Sparkle hadn’t told us about his date on the pre-brief!

It seems that this dating world is a pretty small place. Its not like we even live in a small town. OK, we don’t live in a huge metropolis like London, New York or Paris but it is a city nonetheless. What are the chances?! OK, so there you have it…my mind blowing small world story. Its pretty damn weird if you ask me.

Now your turn…have you ever had any similar small world moments whilst dating? Do you think its weird that DR Sparkle figured this whole thing out? Do you think the story is even real (although JSWIPE also confirmed he had one date which ended in an argument)? Could Dr Sparkle be playing some game with me (because he really wasn’t keen on me going out with SWIPE in the first place and has told me to totally stop talking to him now…for what reason I don’t really know)? Oh,and does this story show that JSWIPE is a serial dater? Does it really matter anyway? Also, do you think this little anecdote says anything about Dr Sparkle and I having certain types which crossover?

Give me your thoughts.

Lots of Love

Cinders x o x o

P.S If anyone gets what is especially special (super special) about this post I will give you a PRIZE.

The Wonderful Dr Sparkle

MR BIG BLUE is back but I haven’t seen him yet. I don’t want to see him again but it’s inevitable. I need to distract myself.  So far I’ve eaten a lot of chocolate and joined tinder but my favourite distraction through this whole saga has been….Dr Sparkle…aka New Crush Guy (NCG) to some of you. The more observant amongst you may remember Dr Sparkle making minor features during the Epic Dating Fail and also on Valentine’s Weekend. But I haven’t exactly gone into much detail about him as yet.

Dr Sparkle….where do I start? Well he is just lovely. Intelligent (and I mean super clever). Sweet. Modest. Funny (really really funny). Easy to talk to. Down to earth. Kind of religious (eeek ! But not any kind of fanatic like MR BIG BLUE). In fact, he is the opposite of MR BIG BLUE is almost every way. I feel happy when I am around him and I get giggly when I even thinking about our conversations. People think it’s odd that we spend so much time together (I think it is part of the reason Crazy Cat Lady blew up) but it’s really been such a long time since I felt comfortable like this around a guy.

Dr Sparkle - An Old Fashioned Romantic :)
Dr Sparkle – An Old Fashioned Romantic 🙂

But does he like me? Now that’s the million dollar question. He always seems willing to spend time with me alone. I’ve noticed he is quite awkward around some women but not really with me (but maybe that’s because we are just friends). But then again he always tells me about the types of girls he fancies (ok, so I admit I’ve told him about the types of guys I like too)…but is this appropriate behaviour if you actually like someone? It’s really odd and hard to explain.

One quite interesting thing to note is that Dr Sparkle is aware of some of the details of the MR BIG BLUE situation and he has been encouraging me to end things properly. Part of me thinks that this is just what any good friend would say (well, it’s the same thing all of you have been saying from the start) but there is also another little part of me that thinks…well, maybe he is telling me to end it so he can legitimately make a move because he really is a gentleman. Also, he also recently came out of a messy break up so that too could be an issue…maybe he needs something a little more light-hearted first.

Crazy Cat Lady’s take on it was that we both liked each other (but I think she could have been being sarcastic because she actually liked him herself). She said I needed to act fast because it was impossible for a guy and girl to be just friends and if I left it too long I would end up getting hurt. I don’t know how much I believe her though. Part of me is too scared to act on my feelings for Dr Sparkle because I feel that it could potentially ruin our friendship which is something I really value.

Hmmm…So there you have it folks. Cinders has a little bitty crush. So do tell me what you think…Do you think there is a chance for Dr Sparkle and I? Do you think we are better off waiting considering both of us just came out of pretty messy relationships? Have you ever tried to take a friendship to the next level? Did it work out well? And is it really impossible for guys and girls to ever be just friends?

As always I look forward to your thoughts and insights.

Love Cinders x o x o

STRESS, STRESS and MORE STRESS

Just wanted to post quickly to let you all know why I’ve been a bit AWOL for the past week. Life took a turn from messed up to beyond STRESSFUL on so so many levels.

SUPER STRESS
Me – SUPER STRESSED !!!

I won’t go into too much detail but here are the main reasons.

1. Crazy Cat Lady went mental and kicked me out because I wouldn’t choose her over all of my other friends. My Castle’s transfer got delayed which pretty much makes me homeless. So this weekend I will be putting all my stuff into storage and becoming a nomad. Thankfully I have awesome friends who have stepped up and offered me their beds, couches, hammocks and floors to sleep on :).

2. Even though shes been uber mean to me I am actually seriously worried about CCL. I was her last friend standing and now she has kicked me to curb as well. I don’t know what she will do without ANY human contact whatsoever. I think she needs professional help but I am not in a position to help her. I hope that once I can get out of her place…maybe it will be easier for me to approach her.

3. MR BIG BLUE might be coming home early. I was just getting used to having this space and I thought I was using this time to become more independent but the thought of him potentially being back in less than a week truly messes things up in a huge way. He hasn’t confirmed anything yet. I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

4. This shouldn’t be something stressful but its also messing with my head a little. I think I have a bit of a crush on someone. Its still to early to say if the feelings are real or I am just tricking myself into believing this is something more than it actually is. But I can say one thing…he has made me smile through all this stress and been a supportive friend (although I think he is too oblivious to know). When I am around him, I feel like I am on the top of the world. I can totally be my crazy self around him and he makes me SMILE a lot. Nothing romantic has happened and everything is in my head at the moment. But I am determined not to mess things up with him. Right now, the friendship means too much for me to throw it away. I want to make sure all my feelings for MR BIG BLUE are gone before I move on to anything else and I need to make sure its worth risking our friendship for. I don’t know if he like likes me the same way, but he knows a bit about the MR BIG BLUE situation and I know he is to decent to make a move until he knows it totally over. He is the opposite of MR BIG BLUE in every single way. I am just a little bit smitten. Gosh.

5. Oh and by the way… I lost my appetite. I don’t know whether its all the stress from CRAZY CAT LADY or whether its love sickness or pure craziness? YOU. TELL. ME.

crush
Am I reading to much into a little bit of smiling ?

OK guys, there is my uber quick update so now over to you … give me your thoughts.

How should I handle the Crazy Cat Lady situation? How do I deal with seeing MR BIG BLUE again so much sooner than I was prepared for? Do you think I am crushing on this new guy as a rebound thing? Am I crazy to go from crying our MR BIG BLUE to being smitten over someone new so soon? Do you think I am misreading signals from someone who is a good friend as something more when its not? Have you ever lost your appetite over stress or over a potential love interest? Share your experiences and distract me from my stress.

Till I return from my weekend of STRESS.

Lots of love my sweeties,

Cinders x o x o