OK, so I’ve been quiet for a while now. Life has been a bit of a roller coaster ride over the last few months. So lets break it down.
MR BIG BLUE
i don’t quite remember where I stopped in the story. But things have just gone from bad to worse. Seems he is pretty serious with the Divorcee now. He took her home to meet the folks. i cut off all contact with them now. I know that they are good people but its too painful having any contact with anyone linked to him.
He himself blows hot and cold. I was kidding myself saying that he was still a good person deep down who just became a bit misguided. Now, I see things differently. He pitched up at my house a few months ago, saying he missed me and still loved me. He had in me in tears again. Then he pulled a classic line saying he had to ‘learn to love someone else’ and arguing that it was possible to love more than one person. SPINELESS.
The above incident sent me running into the arms of someone who seemed like a nice guy (but I treated him pretty badly because I wasn’t/am not ready for anything real). Luckily, the universe conspired to remove him from my life, which was good for him (and me). He was on the verge of becoming a stalker so that gave me a reality check and I stopped dating for a bit and decided I needed to adopt a different approach when it came to guys.
Then more recently, he blamed me because the Divorcee found messages
This is just a quick message to let you all know I’m still alive. I’m slowly getting over MBB. And figuring out what I do/do not want in life.
I haven’t been able to blog because I felt I was going around in circles and feeding you the same stories over and over again.
But I know I owe you all a proper update for now. I want you all to know (in the word’s of Taylor Swift) MR BIG BLUE and I are Never, Ever,Ever, EVER getting back together. I still have lose ends to tie up with him, but I am getting there slowly. I’m also figuring out what my next move is.
I am feeling a bit disillusioned with men in general right now. I’ve tried this whole dating thing. Most of the time I find it a complete waste of time. Most of my dates have been totally dull and the only one I had chemistry with is sorting of playing hard to get and is a bit of a bad boy. I still have the cloud of MR BIG BLUE hanging over me. So break it down and take things piece by piece (or man by man).
The Bad – MR BIG BLUE
Drama. Drama. Drama. Gosh where do I start?
So last week MR BIG BLUE and I were messaging each other. His usual stuff about how he is having a hard time and he is not sure he made the right decision. We chatted about our past and got a bit nostalgic. He said no one would ever understand what we had and that we would never really get over each other (his words not mine). I have to admit the biatch me enjoyed the conversation. It was good to see that there is trouble in paradise. It felt like I could tell the Divorcee : ‘See you home-wrecking slut, your money only got you so far, you’ll never have the same stories, adventures and fun that MR BIG BLUE and I had because you are a bitter, twisted and messed up individual’. But the good part of me, also felt sad. Sad for MR BIG BLUE. He clearly made a rash decision. He followed the dollar signs and it got him nowhere fast (well maybe just a free trip to India) but like they say there is no such thing as a free lunch. It seems that the Divorcee controls the purse strings and that means she controls MR BIG BLUE…She has basically forced him to isolate himself from his family, friends and the temple. And now she has put a ban of him talking to me…
Basically, she found the messages we’d been sending each other and she went mad. Boo hoo. Now she gets a taste of her own medicine. She can see that MR BIG BLUE and I had/have a connection that no amount of money can buy. She can buy him a new Samsung phone, a motorbike to kill himself on (like she did for her ex/not yet ex-husband) and basically everything his heart desires but she’ll never be able to buy him a replacement for the real-life feathered friend I got him, and even if she did it would never be the same. You are just not a Princess like ME, chick !
The Bad Boy (well considering his age it’s more of The Bad Man) is kinda/sorta MIA. Well, its his religious holiday so he is busy praying and telling stories (or whatever it is religious people do on such holy occasions). What is it with me and religious men, hey? These bad boys that seem to want to be all good in the eyes of God. I think I may have offended him at some point with my slightly un-PC comments about God. Anyway, I’ve backed down and limited my conversations with him until he gets a bit more serious and tell me what he wants from me. Clearly, we both know we are incompatible on a serious level, but I can tell he still enjoys the banter and finds me attractive to some extent, because why would he messaging me then? Either way it works. I know it’s nothing serious.
The Ugly (or should I say unattractive) – The Rest
But I have to admit, thanks to JSWIPE, dating just became a whole lot tougher.
When my friends find a guy they sort of like, they delete themselves off Tinder and focus solely on him. I don’t feel I need/want to do this with JSWIPE. He really hasn’t made enough effort to become my main focus. So I’ll keep playing the field. But this is easier said than done As I keep going out with a few guys but I just can’t enjoy myself or find them attractive. There is no chemistry because the fact is I just keep comparing them to the chemistry I had on the first date with JSWIPE.
I’ve totally friend-zoned the Handy Man and we hang out quite a lot but just a friends. He knows his place now so its all good.
Dr Sparkle is a douche. He found a ‘girlfriend’. He literally spends 24/7 with her and has completely ditched me and Tatyana. It’s not healthy. He looks really rough for it – I beginning to question why I ever really crushed on him. He is a useless friend and quite a useless person in general.
So that’s my love life update for now folks. I will try to be a little more pro-active and find that hopeless romantic girl inside me again…but maybe she has gone for good. Give me some motivation and tips. Purleeeeease.
I’ve been quiet for a while now and some of you’ve actually noticed. (thanks for that I am extremely flattered). This is for a couple of reasons.
Firstly, I moved into my castle at the weekend (yay) far far far away from the evil clutches of Crazy Cat Lady. I’m now closer to my friends and where the actions at which really helps when it comes to going out and having fun (maybe/maybe not…you can decide by the end of this post).
Secondly, MR BIG BLUE is still playing his mind games. He messaged me a couple of days ago saying he was really proud of me for getting my own house and doing well in my job (not that I actually am…I think he needed something to say). He asked me what I was doing these days and I replied that I was doing whatever I needed to get over him. His response was to say we’ll never get over each other. Please shed a tear for him.
Thirdly, and most foolishly, I met up with JSWIPE for a third ‘date’ (if you can even call it that). He was DJ’ing at a music event and he invited me along (another date of convenience?). I am a terrible person. I had another date already arranged with a guy I met once last week – let’s call him the The Handy Man (because the only move he made during the first date was to hold me hand when crossing the road which was incredibly adorable). He is a really sweet guy but I’ve totally friend-zoned him but he is new to town and only here for a short time so I thought why not hang out as the conversation is good. So I was left with a dilemma. I would have felt bad ditching The Handy Man but I really really do have fun with JSwipe and I was curious to see him DJ.
So I did a terrible thing and I decided I’d see them both in them both in one night. The Handy Man picked me up and took me into town for supper. After being rejected from two restaurants (poor guy really felt embarrassed about it), we finally got lucky and got a spot. The conversation and the wine flowed well and we talked about a number of things. From the start I made it clear that I had to go to watch a ‘friend’ so my cards were on the table. And then towards the end of the night we got on the topic of the friends-zone and I told him straight that’s where he and I were at. I think he was cool with it because he knows he can’t have anything real while he is only in the country for a short-time. (I don’t need to feel too bad for ditching him, right? I need some reassurance here people).
Then there was Part 2 of the night which was actually the third date with JSWIPE. I got to the bar and he was already on stage so I got myself some wine and enjoyed the music. I was super nervous about being there alone so I told a friend of mine that they’d need to be on there phone to converse with me so I didn’t look too awkward. So I spent quite some time busying myself on my phone until he made eye-contact with me. After his set was done he came over and we chatted a bit. He introduced me to a few people and did his rounds. We had a little dance and he kissed me in public (so there to all the my hater friends who told me he didn’t want to be seen out in public with me). He took me home and we the chit-chat was really fun on the drive back. And now someone is going to kill me (but remember I am in my late 20s) I invited him in to see my castle. We stayed up talking till the early hours of the morning and eventually fell asleep on the sofa (and I do literally mean we slept). So that was that. Another totally fun time with JSWIPE.
So now compadres lets talk. What the hell is with MR BIG BLUE? Trouble in Divorcee Paradise? Do you think I am a bad person for hanging out with the Handy Man? Or was it good that I friend zoned him? And most importantly, what are your thoughts now on the JSWIPE situation? Am I doing as my friends say and always going for the bad guy? Am I the ultimate April Fool?
Despite all the criticism you guys have thrown at me recently I think my last couple of posts have been a break from the norm. For one thing, I didn’t mention HIM. And there I was actually enjoying my life again – spending time with friends, crushing on Dr.Sparkle, even kissing JSWIPE. I started to feel like I was making progress. I was beginning to think things were getting easier, that maybe one day I would wake up and MR BIG BLUE would not be the first person that popped into my head.
And then kind of out of nowhere he rears his ugly (actually its quite pretty) head. A couple of days ago I got a message from MR BIG BLUE. He was telling me he is feeling all down in the dumps. He says there is no purpose for him here. That he is useless and has no place in the material world. He says he wants to go back to India. He says the Hare Krishna temple is no longer his safe haven because of the rumours people have spread about him. He says the Oracle and the Other Women have ruined his life. His says life has to be a big fat secret. He told me he was sorry he let me down.
My immediate thoughts were ‘well, it seems like there is trouble in paradise’. And I have to admit, there was part of me that was a little bit happy because a) after what he had put me through I thought he deserved a little taste of his own medicine and b) I was thinking so you left me to pursue happiness with that thing (The Divorcee)…so much for happily ever after, hey?. I wanted to ask him how this relationship was expected to survive when it was all based on lies.Part of me wanted to say I told you so, see the grass is not greener over there on the richer side of town. But I didn’t.
I felt sorry for him. I still see him as a little blond haired, blue eyed boy. I just wanted to be close to him so I could give him a cuddle and tell him that he was loved by me (yes, sad to say it but there is a little part of my heart that cares about him) and also by his family. I wanted to tell him, that we could sort through everything and that I was here for him. I wanted to shake him and say what the hell are you doing? Come back to me, the girl who has loved you no matter what! I wanted to tell him that she is forcing him to hide their relationship to protect her own reputation, while he isolates himself from the people that actually care. But it wasn’t my place to say any of that. So I didn’t.
Instead I told him to cheer up. I told him things would get better. I said if he wanted to go to the temple, then he’d have to face the rumours and put things right. I made him laugh, the way we used to laugh together. (He said I had a unique sense of humour, that no one could take away). I told him, I was his friend. Best friend. Always. I told him that I loved him and that I understood. I said he should reach out to his family. I also let him know I wasn’t stupid and that I knew more than the thought I did. I said I would help out if he gave me the chance. I really don’t understand why I still care.
So how do think I handled it? Why do I still care? Why can’t I switch my feelings off? Am I really making any progress at all by going on these dates? Or am I just finding myself attracted to slightly bad boys like JSWIPE as a distraction? Will I really ever get over my first love?
P.S. As a side note. Apparently, the Mad Man (Divorcee’s not quite ex-husband) apparently pitched at her house with the police to fetch his stuff. He found her there with MR BIG BLUE. He wasn’t pleased (naturally). He went to the temple and made a huge scene about it. Crazy. Crazy. I’m glad I’m staying away from all the drama now.
Here is a little story that is going to blow you mind. Well, it blew mine.
So let’s rewind to Thursday night. I met up with Dr Sparkle and Tatyana to do a debrief on my date with JSWIPE 😉 Don’t judge us…it’s what we do. (Maybe I should tell you that JSWIPE also saw our group messages where I had Tatyana asking me whether he was a good kisser and Dr Sparkle shouting at me not to kiss a midget…But he was a good sport about it all, messaging them back and telling them that all objectives had been achieved and they needed to find themselves dates instead of being voyeurs…see why I like him!!).
Anyway, there I was busy giving them all the gory details and telling them how JSWIPE and I had talked about everything from politics and race to bad Tinder dates and Fifty Shades of Grey. When I mentioned Tinder dates both Tatyana and Dr Sparkle started to giggle. I didn’t really know why they got the giggles but I just carried on with my swoonery over JSWIPE.
When I finished my story…Dr Sparkle said he had something to share and Tatyana said she was glad I was sitting down to hear this story. OK, a bit strange but I was all ears. Apparently Dr Sparkle had had his own Tinder date while I was out with JSWIPE (little did I know, he never shares his stories with us). He said it had gone pretty well and that they had also shared a little kiss which could have potentially progressed to more except he put the brakes on (yeah, yeah, Dr Sparkle you are such a special guy). Anyway, they too had discussed past Tinder dates and she had mentioned a very clever guy that she’d been on a date with, but the date had ended terribly with them having an argument.
Dr Sparkle being the clever guy that he is (almost academically on par with JSWIPE) put two and two together and asked his date if her date was JSWIPE. And…. It was!!! What the hell??? What are the chances that Dr Sparkle (a guy I’ve been crushing on) and I go on separate dates with new people who happen to have previously dated each other. I was a little ewww’d out to be honest and a little bit upset that Dr Sparkle hadn’t told us about his date on the pre-brief!
It seems that this dating world is a pretty small place. Its not like we even live in a small town. OK, we don’t live in a huge metropolis like London, New York or Paris but it is a city nonetheless. What are the chances?! OK, so there you have it…my mind blowing small world story. Its pretty damn weird if you ask me.
Now your turn…have you ever had any similar small world moments whilst dating? Do you think its weird that DR Sparkle figured this whole thing out? Do you think the story is even real (although JSWIPE also confirmed he had one date which ended in an argument)? Could Dr Sparkle be playing some game with me (because he really wasn’t keen on me going out with SWIPE in the first place and has told me to totally stop talking to him now…for what reason I don’t really know)? Oh,and does this story show that JSWIPE is a serial dater? Does it really matter anyway? Also, do you think this little anecdote says anything about Dr Sparkle and I having certain types which crossover?
Give me your thoughts.
Lots of Love
Cinders x o x o
P.S If anyone gets what is especially special (super special) about this post I will give you a PRIZE.
Now I remember why I don’t like the dating game. It’s just that. A big fat GAME. It’s about who is more interested in the other party and who can play it cool. And if I like someone I have no patience. I just want to see progress. I hate stop/starts. It messes with my head. It makes me all nervous and anxious.
So since my first ‘post-MR BIG BLUE’ date went so well I thought it wasn’t so much to wish for a second date…but then why is J-SWIPE not coming to the party? Hmmm…It’s very strange. He has quite happily been messaging me and saying he had fun on the first date but no mention of meeting again. I had fun too so I thought maybe we’d do it again. I don’t want to wait too long.
Part of my craziness comes from hanging out too much with my buddy Tatyana. She has had a head start on this who dating/Tinder game because while I was pining over MR BIG BLUE she was making progress in the world of swiping left and right. Good for her and all but she has thing of getting all worked up when a guy won’t commit to an arrangement or be more forthcoming as she would like. Before, I used to tell her to calm down and that it was perfectly reasonable for someone to talk their time to reply to a message because they were busy with work, life, other stuff, etc.
However, now that the glass slipper is on the other foot things are not as easy and I am beginning to see where she is coming from. I think part of me thinking she was crazy for getting all worked up over these guys was because I was in ‘a relationship’ or at least something where I knew that eventually MR BIG BLUE would reply (Another red flag which I can see with hindsight is that around the times his messaging patterns changed that things between him and the Divorcee would have started taking off).
But now that I’m a free agent I am starting to experience what Tatyana goes through with each and everyone of these Tinder guys that she falls for (which is quite a few). Its like JSWIPE is interested enough to flirt and chat with me but not quite enough to set up this second date. Part of me thinks he was just after one thing and he didn’t get it so he wants to keep me in the back pocket. Who knows? Maybe I am being a bit negative and should just wait a little and give him the benefit of the doubt.
OK over to you now guys and girls. Do you think I am crazy to get all worked up about not yet getting a second date? Do you think it looks like J-Swipe is playing vulnerable little Cinders? Is it only girls that get this kinda anxiety at the start of something? Or do guys also spend way to much time wondering about dates, etc? Do you think I let the first date go too far both physically and conversationally by being too much of an open book? And the million dollar question…how things Cinders is going to get a second date? Oh and do you have any good tips on how to play the dating game?
Please send me all the good vibes in the world…I need this fun in my life right now.
Cinders x o x o
P.S. On a side not Dr Sparkle is also going on a date on Saturday. I don’t know how I feel about this.
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow! That’s all I have to say this morning.
Well as you probably guessed from the title of my post, my first date with the Poison Dwarf (it really is an unfair name because he wasn’t really short…just not as tall as the guys I usually go for) went well. Actually let’s call him J-SWIPE from this point onwards, because Poison Dwarf is so not appropriate.
We met for drinks after work. I liked him as soon as we met because he just took charge of the situation, ordered is wine and snacks. He let me choose where we sat. I chose somewhere not to hidden away…I didn’t know what his vibe was. We got chatting…work, politics, serious stuff to start with. It was interesting and the conversation flowed really well. We moved on he asked me about my previous relationships, so yes MR BIG BLUE did make a minor appearance on my first pre-MR BIG BLUE date. But actually it was good, for the first time ever I was able to tell the story as it was – warts and all. I didn’t sugar coat things. I told J-SWIPE that MR BIG BLUE got too carried away with the Hare Krishna movement and he cheated on me. OK, so maybe it was a good thing. I know he is a total random but it felt good to briefly be able to tell the truth to someone. He also told me about his previous Tinder dates, which was interesting.
The bar started to clear out as most people were there for a show that was going on upstairs. Whenever other people started walking into our little section of the bar I spotted J-SWIPE giving them the evil eye. I think he wanted to get me all to himself. Then this magician guy came along and treated us to a little show which was pretty good. So he had both of us trying to be clever and figure out the secret to his tricks. A really quirky first date experience.
I think J-SWIPE was itching for the magician to bugger off so we could get our flirt on. And then as soon as he was out the picture, the conversation took a turn towards the slightly more flirtatious side. We’d been bantering on WhatsApp about the controversial 50 Shades of Grey and he asked to check it out on my kindle and from there things got a little more interesting. I saw him reach for the dimmer switch behindOne thing led to another and somehow we ended kissing across the table. It was weird because I was thinking so much about the fact that I hadn’t kissed anyone apart from MR BIG BLUE for over half a decade and there I was just like that. And there were butterflies and sparkles and all that wonderful stuff. Then there were more kisses. Him paying the bill as quickly as possible and then suggesting we drive to the beach.
We ended up driving in separate cars which was really strange because he followed me and I spent the whole time thinking he would get bored of the long drive and ditch me (seems I have no faith in men – thank you MR BIG BLUE ! Jerk!). But J-SWIPE didn’t lose me in traffic. We got to the beach. Kissed a little more. Listened to the sound of the waves. It was pretty nice.
I let him come back to my place for a glass of wine…except I had no wine so we drank Vodka instead. Chatted some more. I was a good girl though and didn’t let things get any further than necessary. He went back home late…I wouldn’t have complained if he’d stayed a little longer for cuddles. Oh well, next time, if there is even a next time.
I spent much of the night stressing that he would not bother message me ever again…but he did. All is good…we now just keep our fingers crossed for a second date.
OK…So tell me your thoughts? Are you pleased to see me getting out there? Was it wrong that I spoke about MR BIG BLUE or is good sign to show I have finally accepted what happened? It’s a bit of a long time since I dated…was it too much that I let him come back to mine (although he didn’t stay over)? Should I hold back a bit? And put your bets on…do you think I will get asked on a second date?
Just in case people hadn’t heard the news. MR BIG BLUE and I are over. I am strong right now, but I know there will be tougher days but today I am positive and that can’t be such a bad thing.
Part of the reason I am strong today is that I have a date tonight. It’s a guy I met on Tinder. Let’s call him the Poison Dwarf (don’t ask!) but that’s a name given to him by Tatyana and Dr Sparkle (yes, Dr Sparkle is fully aware I am going on a date…he is voiced a few cheeky objections, but if he won’t make a move what is stopping me, right?).
I started chatting to Poison Dwarf at the weekend. Actually, the same day I got the confirmation from the Marigold that things were most definitely over between me and MR BIG BLUE. Anyway, this one seems really cool. He is quite a bit older than me so it’s likely that he has had quite a bit more life experience than me. Good looking but in the George Clooney kind of way. He is really intelligent…well he should be as he is an academic. The banter is amazing. The first guy from internet dating/Tinder that I’ve actually clicked with. He is really intelligent and witty. I like the conversation – its fun.
Only thing is I’m really brave when I am sitting a home on the sofa typing away on my phone. But I don’t think I’ll be the same when I meet him in person. I think I will be super shy and a bit of a bumbling idiot. I mean flirted quite a bit over the phone (we’ve even discussed 50 Shades of Grey – yup, I know!) but I don’t know if it’ll be the same tonight. I can talk the talk but deep down I’m just a good girl…so I really hope he doesn’t think otherwise because of all my smack talk.
Its not like I haven’t been out on any other dates during the ‘grey area’ period with MR BIG BLUE. Remember the Yogic Banker? But this is the first time, I actually feel free to be myself and let go and if something happens, it happens. In all the other cases, I think even if I had felt attracted to the guys there is no way I would have let anything happened while I thought there was even the slightest chance that I could have a future with MR BIG BLUE. But I think this time its different. If something is going to happen I can well and truly be open to it.
So here I am sitting at my desk totally full of nerves about tonight. But that’s a good thing, right? There is part of me expecting him to message and cancel or not pitch at all. Oh and what if he really is a dwarf, like Tatyana and Dr Sparkle decided last night. Eeek !!
So what do you think about me dating so soon after MR BIG BLUE? Is it OK or do you think it’s a recipe for disaster? Are first date nerves normal?
Send me lots of good vibes please. I need a bit of happiness in my life right now.
Don’t hate me for writing the post. I know it makes me sound likes the jilted ex but these thoughts keep swirling around in my mind and I want to hear your take on it. I’d love to get some conversation and debate going on here. I mentioned to some of you that I’d like to write a book based on this blog at some point, so its always worth causing a stir. Artistic licence or something like that.
I admit that part of this is based on jealousy, so please feel free to call me out as I know some of you will. When I think about the ‘relationship’ between MR BIG BLUE and the Divorcee, i just want to shake him and scream : ‘What the hell are you thinking, dude?’. To me it seems that maybe she is ideal for him in his eyes but all the sneaking around, hiding and not being able to be open about being in a relationship with someone you supposedly love – isn’t this is all a basis for failure?
Before I met MR BIG BLUE I’d never been truly open about a relationship before. When I look back now, I think subconsciously I knew that those guys that I was ‘dating’ previously weren’t anything to be proud of and clearly not people I thought were worth introducing to my family or friends (although, at the time I would never have admitted it). But even those relationships weren’t in the same league of what MR BIG BLUE and the Divorcee are doing.
I understand there are many potential reasons for sneaking around. She wants to keep it hidden because the divorce isn’t even finalized and the Hare Krishna community will definitely judge her from jumping into something new so soon. He wouldn’t want it to come out because it will simply serve to reinforce this image of him as a ladies man…after all it seems that many people had some knowledge about his affairs with the Other Women.You must understand that the Hare Krishnas are incredibly religious and wouldn’t really approve of such sordid behaviour so I figure to some extent they are trying to save themselves from being ostracized.
OK, but beyond the Hare Krishna community, what reasons do they have from hiding in the real world. MR BIG BLUE introduced me to his family within one month of knowing me (even though at the time, I could have been just a mere holiday romance). He took me to their beautiful estate and showed me where he grew up. I remember clearly the night before we went on that trip, I complained that he never wanted to take me out and show me off. He replied by saying he is showing me off to the only people that matter…i.e his family. They’d also met the girlfriend before me. But not the Other Women and the Divorcee…I wonder why?! In my mind, if you truly love someone especially in the early honeymoon stage, you should be desperate to show them off proudly.
In one of my conversations with the Oracle, he said one thing that sticks with me. He basically said he’d always thought our relationship had been good for MR BIG BLUE and that I really was the right girl for him and with regards to the Divorcee situation he said she must remember that ‘if he did it with you, he’d eventually do it to you’. Meaning that he cheated on me with her, and eventually he’d get bored of her as well and find another chick to cheat on her with. I wonder.
The thing is with myself and MR BIG BLUE there was no cheating. I was never an ‘other’ women to him. When we met we were young and things were really clear cut. It was just the two of us against the world. Making the most of every moment and having amazing adventures. Whatever messes we created along the way, I know that our relationship started of beautifully and noone can take that away from me. That is why I will never hate him. I will love him for those memories. It doesn’t mean I won’t be able to create new memories with someone else but all I am saying is that our relationship worked for as long as it did because the basic foundation was based on a truth.
So what I am asking all of you is that can a relationship ever survive if its built on a foundation of lies? Can an affair really blossom into something decent a real? Were any of you once the other women/man in an affair? How did things turn out?
I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for listening.
my blog is differnt pages from a book i am writing called Let Go & Let God, its basically about everyday life but from my view of it. some blogs are about sex and some are about everyday struggles my generation is going threw today