Acceptance – The FINAL Revelation

I have finally accepted it is over with MR BIG BLUE and there is no chance we will ever get back together EVER.

After speaking to his mum last week things were a lot clearer. Even the people that were supposed to be on his side were telling me to walk away.

Following my reunion with MR BIG BLUE last week when I told him about the rumours that were going around and encouraged to fight them, the Oracle phoned me and said that they wanted to hold a meeting at the Hare Krishna temple and they wanted to confront the situation to see if MR BIG BLUE had lied on the Bhagavad-Gita to get his initiation.  As it was accusations from the Other Women had got this thing started in the first place they want the meeting to be between MR BIG BLUE, the Other Women, the Oracle, the head of the temple and me.

I told MR BIG BLUE that I had been asked to attend the meeting. At first he seemed quite shocked and said he didn’t want me to be there because he was afraid the other parties would want to hurt me. I told him I was already hurt by what had been said so far and I would just rather have the truth. There was a long silence then. He then contacted me saying he thinks I should attend the meeting and we could fight together as I team and I would just need to back him up and say we had only been friends for the past two years (yeah right – I think by this stage even this idiot had begun to believe his own lies). He told me I would do it if I was his real friend (blackmail?!). I played along.

Then I emailed the Marigold – a very senior figure that MR BIG BLUE looks up to. I told him about the rumours, the meeting and the awkward position I was put being. He responded to my very detailed email with this short message:

Thank you for the message.

MR BIG BLUE has told me that he and the Divorcee are serious about their relationship, and want to go ahead together.

Certainly you should just be open and straightforward when the meeting happens. You have nothing to lose by being honest.

So there it was in black and white. It was no longer just a rumour. MR BIG BLUE had gone and confided in a person who he values over anyone in his family. It was true.

Despite all MR BIG BLUE’S statements, the Marigold knew the truth. Only a few months he had spoken to me about getting married to MR BIG BLUE. So he knew we weren’t just friends. All these lies. What a messed up situation. It took a while to settle in. I slept on it. But it was now there, out in the open.

acceptance
Acceptance – Finally !

The next day I visited the Hare Krishna temple to speak with the Oracle. I had already arranged to meet him to discuss what would and wouldn’t be said in the meeting. As soon as I met him I told him that it was over between MR BIG BLUE and I. There you go. I said it, old loud, for the first. It was OVER. We were no longer on a break. We were no longer a grey area. There was not a chance in hell we would be getting back together. It was well and truly OVER. I had accepted it. Totally 100%.

Talking to the Oracle always makes things seem better. At first he seemed disappointed that things had finished as he had always been a supporter of our relationship. I explained the position I was in. He suggested maybe I didn’t come to the meeting. That way I wouldn’t be forced to lie. This seemed like a pretty good idea. I just needed to consider how MR BIG BLUE would take it (not that it should really matter after everything he had put me through). The Oracle also said that there had been a purpose for me in all this drama. He said that MR BIG BLUE had brought me to Krishna and there was something good in that. The Oracle also took my hand and looked at the lines. He said there was another relationship on the horizon (well in about 4 years) and he said that would be the man I’d marry. I don’t know how much I believe him but it was nice to be given some hope. He also said that there was a lesson here and I needed to make better choices…with my head, rather than my heart. He said that he could tell I was a person of high-moral character and I should look for someone I could respect rather than someone I needed to fix.

hope
HOPE – Thanks to the Oracle for giving me a little bit of HOPE for the future. Just need the pain to end now.

So there you have it. Acceptance.

So do you think this is a turning point for me? Do you think I’ve finally accepted things are over with MR BIG BLUE? Do you think I am being a coward by not going to a meeting where I could completely destroy MR BIG BLUE and bring down all his lies? Or do you think I am right to walk away from this now and let MR BIG BLUE get on with his own sordid little life with the Divorcee? What do you think about the hope given to me by the Oracle? Is it worth believing that there is still somewhere waiting for me to come along?

Look forward to hearing what y’all have to say.

LOVE Cinders x o x o

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The Sounds of Heartbreak – A Mother’s Love

So for a long time readers of this blog have been telling me to come clean to my family and friends about the Mr BIG BLUE situation and to stop protecting him. Yesterday, I took the first step.

MR BIG BLUE’S Mum contacted me as she had received some messages from him saying that he was struggling and needed help and unconditional love from his family. Hearing those messages broke my heart because he did have unconditional love from me but he was willing to give that up for the Divorcee, a more lavish lifestyle with a cookie-cutter Hare Krishna girl.

His mum was asking me what was going on and when I’d last seen him. I finally buckled. I just opened up to her. I told her things weren’t so good. I said that I saw him on Monday and we talked and I couldn’t figure out what was going on with him. I told her that as far as I knew he wasn’t living at the Hare Krishna temple anymore but nobody knew where he was. I explained that he had been cagey and she agreed he was acting out of character.

secret sharing

She kept asking me questions about how he got the money to go to India (he hasn’t been working for over two years now). She asked me why he came back so soon (nobody really knows but I am sure the Divorcee had something to do with it). I didn’t have the answers she was looking for… I wanted her help and I couldn’t keep the information to myself anymore. So I told her.

I told her I had my suspicions about him being involved with someone else and that there were rumours going around at the temple. I told her I had a inclining about who it was. I provided her with a name, age, religious inclination (oh and I provided her with the small token bitchy bit of information that the divorcee was one of those girls who were married and divorced by the age of 32 😉 ). I told her I hadn’t got any concrete evidence yet but my gut was telling me something. I explained how MR BIG BLUE had lied on the Bhagavad-Gita about him and I just being good friends. And how he had portrayed me to people at the temple as a crazed ex-girlfriend who couldn’t get over him (for 2 years). I also told her about the Other Women.

She was angry. She told me that I shouldn’t let him manipulate. She phoned him and asked him straight what was going on. He was still cagey with her. Then she asked him how things were going with me and he replied we were really great friends as always. This made her crazy mad. She told me she was hurt because she’d thought they had trained him better than this and she was upset at the way he’d treated me. Hearing her say this broke my heart. I told her not to blame herself for any of this and that the reason I fell in love with MR BIG BLUE was because he was brought up to be a gentleman. I said that if I blamed anyone for this change in his behaviour it would be the Hare Krishna’s and not his folks. She said that as far as his father and she were concerned I had always been the right one for their son and that they saw that while he did try and manipulate me at times, they knew I was strong and independent enough to handle him. She said that he was the loser in all of this and that his family would be there for me if ever I needed anything.

Seeing his Mother so upset broke my heart. Knowing that she was such a good person that she’d protect me over her own son meant the world to me. She is truly amazing and I will love her forever for being the first person who shared this burden with me. I cried myself to sleep last night.

Breakup Family
Does he have a point?

So over to y’all now… Do you think it was a step forward that I told someone what had truly happened? Or have I just served to hurt another innocent person? How important is family approval to the success of a relationship? Have I possibly ruined the chances of the Divorcee being welcomed into this amazing family (where she does not deserve to be in my humble opinion)? What do you do when a relationship and break-up goes beyond just two people? How do you say goodbye to a family that you have grown to love and still care about?

As usual I really do need your thoughts and good vibes right now, more than ever. Please comment and offer your much-needed pearls of wisdom. You will make my day.

Till a better day (hopefully).

LOVE Cinders x o x o

Can a relationship ever survive if its built on a foundation of lies ?

Don’t hate me for writing the post. I know it makes me sound likes the jilted ex but these thoughts keep swirling around in my mind and I want to hear your take on it. I’d love to get some conversation and debate going on here. I mentioned to some of you that I’d like to write a book based on this blog at some point, so its always worth causing a stir. Artistic licence or something like that.

Even though when I met MR BIG BLUE on Monday he wouldn’t admit to being involved with the Divorcee,my gut still tells me something is going on. The same way it did a couple of years back with the Other Women. My gut hasn’t failed me before and I doubt it will now.

I admit that part of this is based on jealousy, so please feel free to call me out as I know some of you will. When I think about the ‘relationship’ between MR BIG BLUE and the Divorcee, i just want to shake him and scream : ‘What the hell are you thinking, dude?’. To me it seems that maybe she is ideal for him in his eyes but all the sneaking around, hiding and not being able to be open about being in a relationship with someone you supposedly love – isn’t this is all a basis for failure?

relationship foundation
How important are truthful foundations?

Before I met MR BIG BLUE I’d never been truly open about a relationship before. When I look back now, I think subconsciously I knew that those guys that I was ‘dating’ previously weren’t anything to be proud of and clearly not people I thought were worth introducing to my family or friends (although, at the time I would never have admitted it). But even those relationships weren’t in the same league of what MR BIG BLUE and the Divorcee are doing.

I understand there are many potential reasons for sneaking around. She wants to keep it hidden because the divorce isn’t even finalized and the Hare Krishna community will definitely judge her from jumping into something new so soon. He wouldn’t want it to come out because it will simply serve to reinforce this image of him as a ladies man…after all it seems that many people had some knowledge about his affairs with the Other Women.You must understand that the Hare Krishnas are incredibly religious and wouldn’t really approve of such sordid behaviour so I figure to some extent they are trying to save themselves from being ostracized.

OK, but beyond the Hare Krishna community, what reasons do they have from hiding in the real world. MR BIG BLUE introduced me to his family within one month of knowing me (even though at the time, I could have been just a mere holiday romance). He took me to their beautiful estate and showed me where he grew up. I remember clearly the night before we went on that trip, I complained that he never wanted to take me out and show me off. He replied by saying he is showing me off to the only people that matter…i.e his family. They’d also met the girlfriend before me. But not the Other Women and the Divorcee…I wonder why?! In my mind, if you truly love someone especially in the early honeymoon stage, you should be desperate to show them off proudly.

In one of my conversations with the Oracle, he said one thing that sticks with me. He basically said he’d always thought our relationship had been good for MR BIG BLUE and that I really was the right girl for him and with regards to the Divorcee situation he said she must remember that ‘if he did it with you, he’d eventually do it to you’. Meaning that he cheated on me with her, and eventually he’d get bored of her as well and find another chick to cheat on her with. I wonder.

lies in relationships
My sentiments exactly

The thing is with myself and MR BIG BLUE there was no cheating. I was never an ‘other’ women to him. When we met we were young and things were really clear cut. It was just the two of us against the world. Making the most of every moment and having amazing adventures. Whatever messes we created along the way, I know that our relationship started of beautifully and noone can take that away from me. That is why I will never hate him. I will love him for those memories. It doesn’t mean I won’t be able to create new memories with someone else but all I am saying is that our relationship worked for as long as it did because the basic foundation was based on a truth.

So what I am asking all of you is that can a relationship ever survive if its built on a foundation of lies? Can an affair really blossom into something decent a real? Were any of you once the other women/man in an affair? How did things turn out?

I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for listening.

Lots of Love Cinders x o x o