Third Time … An April Fool?

I’ve been quiet for a while now and some of you’ve actually noticed. (thanks for that I am extremely flattered). This is for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, I moved into my castle at the weekend (yay) far far far away from the evil clutches of Crazy Cat Lady. I’m now closer to my friends and where the actions at which really helps when it comes to going out and having fun (maybe/maybe not…you can decide by the end of this post).

Secondly, MR BIG BLUE is still playing his mind games. He messaged me a couple of days ago saying he was really proud of me for getting my own house and doing well in my job (not that I actually am…I think he needed something to say). He asked me what I was doing these days and I replied that I was doing whatever I needed to get over him. His response was to say we’ll never get over each other. Please shed a tear for him.

Thirdly, and most foolishly, I met up with JSWIPE for a third ‘date’ (if you can even call it that). He was DJ’ing at a music event and he invited me along (another date of convenience?). I am a terrible person. I had another date already arranged with a guy I met once last week – let’s call him the The Handy Man (because the only move he made during the first date was to hold me hand when crossing the road which was incredibly adorable). He is a really sweet guy but I’ve totally friend-zoned him but he is new to town and only here for a short time so I thought why not hang out as the conversation is good. So I was left with a dilemma. I would have felt bad ditching The Handy Man but I really really do have fun with JSwipe and I was curious to see him DJ.

dinner date
Date Night Part 1- Friend Zone Dinner with the HandyMan

So I did a terrible thing and I decided I’d see them both in them both in one night. The Handy Man picked me up and took me into town for supper. After being rejected from two restaurants (poor guy really felt embarrassed about it), we finally got lucky and got a spot. The conversation and the wine flowed well and we talked about a number of things. From the start I made it clear that I had to go to watch a ‘friend’ so my cards were on the table. And then towards the end of the night we got on the topic of the friends-zone and I told him straight that’s where he and I were at. I think he was cool with it because he knows he can’t have anything real while he is only in the country for a short-time. (I don’t need to feel too bad for ditching him, right? I need some reassurance here people).

2ND
Date Nite Part 2 – DJ JSWIPE

Then there was Part 2 of the night which was actually the third date with JSWIPE.  I got to the bar and he was already on stage so I got myself some wine and enjoyed the music. I was super nervous about being there alone so I told a friend of mine that they’d need to be on there phone to converse with me so I didn’t look too awkward. So I spent quite some time busying myself on my phone until he made eye-contact with me. After his set was done he came over and we chatted a bit. He introduced me to a few people and did his rounds. We had a little dance and he kissed me in public (so there to all the my hater friends who told me he didn’t want to be seen out in public with me). He took me home and we the chit-chat was really fun on the drive back. And now someone is going to kill me (but remember I am in my late 20s) I invited him in to see my castle. We stayed up talking till the early hours of the morning and eventually fell asleep on the sofa (and I do literally mean we slept). So that was that. Another totally fun time with JSWIPE.

So now compadres lets talk. What the hell is with MR BIG BLUE? Trouble in Divorcee Paradise? Do you think I am a bad person for hanging out with the Handy Man? Or was it good that I friend zoned him? And most importantly, what are your thoughts now on the JSWIPE situation? Am I doing as my friends say and always going for the bad guy? Am I the ultimate April Fool?

Happy April to y’all

Love Cinders x o x o

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32 thoughts on “Third Time … An April Fool?

  1. you had people feel for you when MBB did you dirty, now you have people scream don’t spend time with JSwipe….ugh!
    First MBB boo hoo for him. There is an expression I use alot…the games you play are the games you lose…MBB is lost done don’t waste anymore Ink on him Please!!!
    Second …Handy man is just passing through no harm no foul, he seem to know he was passing through as well so…

    Third…..JSwipe only sees you out of Convenience, so stop being so conveniently available for him to say hey since you’re not or since you’re available let’s do …not to mention he doesn’t formally ask you out (God forbid) and you invited him to your castle???? Cinder seriously??????? What does being in your 20’s have to do with anything? Still into fun with JSwipe when it is clear danger is lurking ….you keep ending up alone with him .. he needs borders men needs borders …no borders big problems down the road. I know I know …but he is fun…we have fun conversations it’s all fun until…be careful red flags are popping up for a reason pay attention to them.

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    • But how convinient was the third date? We were chatting….I was intrigued by the fact he was a DJ. He invited me to come see. I met some of his friends. It wasn’t technically a date but I don’t think it was anything mean spirited. I have been on about 6 dates since the break up. JSWIPE is the first person I connected with. He is an interesting person. Most of the others were nice ppl…but when there’s no spark what can u do?

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      • That is what I meant when I said I am in my 20s. I am a grown up. Isn’t it OK for 2 grown people to be alone together. On all the dates we did spend time in public together and in this case it was pretty late there was nowhere else to go so I suggested we carry on the conversation at home. Nothing got out of hand. Obviously I feel at ease with him. Even though everyone says he is a bad boy. I dunno.

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      • Naïve…so naïve so hopelessly romantic sigh! You were alone with him on a beach isolated, you were at his place of work after hours and no one was around …and now you invited him back to your castle alone don’t you see a pattern here? There are reasons why someone is saying he is a bad boy and it maybe in your best interest to pay more attention to what they are saying and why they are saying it. It is very obvious you are at ease with him but don’t confuse it with safe with him especially since you are not in a relationship with him. I am a man and I saying to you, be careful shouldn’t that alone give you reason for pause?

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      • OK…i will try to back off a little. But he really hasn’t ever pushed the boundaries physically. Everytime I’ve sensed its going too far I’ve said something and he has backed down. Maybe all we have is an attraction both physically and mentally…but sometimes I wonder if thats OK ?

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      • Yeah I guess u r right. But I kno from past experience that I have only ever allowed a guy to sleep with me once I was totally ready.

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      • I am not saying for certain something bad is going to happen but why put yourself in a position where something COULD and then regret it later thinking I thought he was a nice man… too many women have those kind of experiences just don’t let that be you. Forewarned is forearmed.

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      • NOTHING. NOTHING at all really. Just about to post so you can see the update. Just feeling over men at the moment.

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    • But how convinient was the third date? We were chatting….I was intrigued by the fact he was a DJ. He invited me to come see. I met some of his friends. It wasn’t technically a date but I don’t think it was anything mean spirited. I have been on about 6 dates since the break up. JSWIPE is the first person I connected with. He is an interesting person. Most of the others were nice ppl…but when there’s no spark what can u do? At least with JSWIPE there is chemistry and I can sit up all night engrossed in conversation.

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      • IT was you who possed the question of convenience and he hasn’t formally asked out on a real date so just because you sit up with someone all night and talk doesn’t mean that should do it. leave some air of mystery about you to him.

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      • The reason I asked the question was because my friends were all saying he only invites me out when it works for him and inviting me to his gig was no biggie. But I didn’t see it like that. Instead I saw it as something I’d said I would be interested in doing and so when the opportunity came up he invited me along. I had a good time. I met his friends (not really something you do if you are ashamed of a girl). The reason I stayed up all night was because I was captivated and I lost track of time. Things were never like this with MR BIG BLUE….JSWIPE is really interesting and well read. I guess I find it refreshing. I didn’t want the evening to end that is why I invited him in. It wasn’t like he forced himself in or put any pressure on me. But I get what you are saying…put the breaks on.

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      • yes please put the brakes on …whether you know it or not you send out signals that he may see as a opportunity for a moment later to take advantage of that you might not care for later. Think ahead and not only look at it as fun but be alittle careful. And yes your friends are correct on this he ahs not asked you out formally and yes only when it suits him where there is nothing for him to lose. You meeting his friends seems to be of a courtesy more than hey guys this is my girlfriend ….I am going to give you the same advice I gave my daughter…have expectations or a man will treat you any way they want.

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      • I totally get what you are saying. Honestly, you are worried that he’ll get close and I will invest my emotions into a relationship and then he’ll drop me. But right now I am not in a place where I could be with someone I actually care about on a deeper level or someone I imagine an actual future with like Dr Sparkle. Right now, JSWIPE is attractive and interesting and an adventure. I will be careful and back down a bit…but I think this could just be a rebound kinda thing. Like someone once told me there is something between a one night stand and a long term relationship…maybe thats what I could have with JSWIPE.

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      • You’re worth more than a one night with Jswipe.I hear what you are saying but you are hopelessly romantic for a reason… I am worried he will make a move you are not prepared for because you keep ending up alone with jswipe…that plus drinks equals disaster.

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      • Sometimes I wonder if I really am a hopeless romantic. I am not the 23 yr old girl that got swept off her feet my MBB and promised she would make a long distance relationship work. I am a bit more cynical and hard now. What good did it do me tryin to fix things with MBB and waiting around for him to sort himself out. I was sitting there being a goody two shoes while MBB and everyone else was out experimenting, keeping their options open, and having fun. Mayb now it’s my turn to have fun.

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      • That is where your words and your actions differ. Your words say hard but your actions scream otherwise. I keep coming back to the beach alone and isolated and at his job after hours as examples, you trust and think you will not allow nothing to happen but your actions say hey it’s fun time …when a woman is hard by an experience they don’t want to be alone under any circumstances and trust is hard earned. You’re not being 23 has nothing to do with being a hopeless romantic Im much older than 23 and mid 20’s and I consider myself a hopeless romantic but a smart one because of the experiences I have gone through.

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  2. Hello, I agree there is something off, that he never asks you out formally, for a real date. You are making yourself very convenient for him…keep a bit back. Don’t let him think you are always available and don’t initiate any further things with him. You brought it up that it would be interesting to see him DJ…then he invited you. It wasn’t like he said “I am DJing tonight, would love it if you would come”. The last two times you initiated. The first was telling him you were in a cafe near him….then he came over to see you. You have to see if he asks you out…if he initiates a date. You are sending signals to him that you are available and inviting him in to your home alone so soon, might not be such a good idea. I am going to tell you I was in a similar situation many moons ago. I met the guy in a bar. We went out a couple times and it was fun and he was a gentleman. Then he pounced one night when we were alone in my apartment. He was not taking no for an answer. My roommate and her boyfriend came home. Her boyfriend made sure he was escorted out very quickly. I was lucky. Be careful….you are new to dating again, and you being a little reckless. I am glad you feel a spark. It may turn into something, but you need to step back and let him make the next move. About MBB…..he is depressed and he is coming to you because he knows you still care. As I said before….he likes the fact that you still love him after everything that happened. Again….do not make yourself available to him. He made his bed. And again…like I said before….let him get sympathy or whatever it is he wants from the people and things he chose over you. Do not validate his feelings. Take care and stay strong….with both of them.

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    • Hey Jackie. It seems like I have a pattern when it comes to guys. Bad boys who treat me badly.But its weird, I’ve met some really really lovely guys and good looking ones as well but its just that I haven’t found them attractive or intriguing. Like I do with MBB and now JSWIPE. Maybe its me wanting to tame a bad boy, instead of them at fault.

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      • I do understand that….been there. I was always attracted to the ones who had an edge to them. Eventually you will weed them out and find a nice guy, that you are also attracted to. No harm in having fun in the meantime, just be careful and do not become to invested in someone that you know isn’t the one. You do not need anymore heartache.

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      • Yeah. I hope so. I just have a habit of saying I won’t put my heart into something and I will keep it light-hearted and somewhere along the way I seem to forget and start to think a relationship could actually happen…I am a lost cause it seems.

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  3. I can tell you that being alone with him will give him the opportunity for him to take advantage… I’ve been in this position many times, and you know.. I’m quite ‘free spirited’ myself, and I know what i’m doing.. And yes, sometimes I do get myself hurt at times.. Just like I would sometimes hurt the other person.. I have been played and I have played..

    Just know what you are getting yourself into! 🙂

    However.. There is always a chance that he is genuine.. But then again.. He would ask you out properly.. Next time, wait for him to really ask you out! Unless you just want to have fun.. Whatever fun means for you and him 🙂

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